Thursday, June 05, 2014

Chapters ending, chapters beginning

Tomorrow is a big day. Saturday is a bigger day. I sort of have this "calm before the storm" feeling in my chest. It's the last day of kindergarten for Oskar. It's the last day of HIGH SCHOOL for Abbey.

*head spinning*

On one hand it feels exactly like what it is -- 12 long years of school wrapping up. On the other hand it's like I've blinked and suddenly Abbey the kindergartner turned into Abbey the high school graduate. 

It's a victory in so many ways. The significance is more than just a high school degree. It has taken so, so much work on her part -- and on the part of so many amazing individuals -- to get her here. The level of importance of this event is not lost on me.

There were days where I didn't know if we'd get to this spot, and really, I didn't think I cared; my main focus was "keep her alive and functioning." And we all did that -- with a lot of work and a lot of meds and a lot of tears and questions and answers that led to more questions.

And had she not graduated "on time" it would have been fine, but I knew that's what she really wanted. She didn't want schizophrenia to own her, and luckily we have such a substantial network of support and resources, it doesn't.

Am I nervous for the future? Of course I am. But for every ounce of anxiety and apprehension I have about the future, I have a pound of pride and an immeasurable amount of love.