Thursday, June 05, 2014

Chapters ending, chapters beginning

Tomorrow is a big day. Saturday is a bigger day. I sort of have this "calm before the storm" feeling in my chest. It's the last day of kindergarten for Oskar. It's the last day of HIGH SCHOOL for Abbey.
Last. Day. HIGH SCHOOL.

*head spinning*

On one hand it feels exactly like what it is -- 12 long years of school wrapping up. On the other hand it's like I've blinked and suddenly Abbey the kindergartner turned into Abbey the high school graduate. 

It's a victory in so many ways. The significance is more than just a high school degree. It has taken so, so much work on her part -- and on the part of so many amazing individuals -- to get her here. The level of importance of this event is not lost on me.

There were days where I didn't know if we'd get to this spot, and really, I didn't think I cared; my main focus was "keep her alive and functioning." And we all did that -- with a lot of work and a lot of meds and a lot of tears and questions and answers that led to more questions.

And had she not graduated "on time" it would have been fine, but I knew that's what she really wanted. She didn't want schizophrenia to own her, and luckily we have such a substantial network of support and resources, it doesn't.

Am I nervous for the future? Of course I am. But for every ounce of anxiety and apprehension I have about the future, I have a pound of pride and an immeasurable amount of love.