names and stuff

so we've heard the heartbeat a couple of times now, so we're comfortable in actually discussing names for the halloween baby. i also find that i'll hate a name for little or no reason quite easily.

names i like:
dexter
(but the "er" at the end sounds similar to the "ar" sound at the end of oskar, so that might be a dealbreaker.)
malcolm
beckett

for girls my top favorites are (and i didn't mean to make a theme of flower types):
iris
violet

since i will be 35 in a month and some change, that puts me into the magical "high risk" category (because apparently baby-making parts go bad?), however that icky stigma also adds in a couple of extra routine ultrasounds, so i'll see the lil' shaver on april 21 and then again six weeks after that (that one will be the gender display), and then again at 34 weeks. so that's okay by me.

right now oskar and i are eating dinner and watching "how the grinch stole christmas," because good fun knows no season. for dinner, you ask? why, it's some delightfully white trash fishsticks! the kid loves 'em and they're easy to make.

i can't wait to have something resembling energy again. just a few weeks to go (i hope).

currently still feel as though i've been hit by a truck, but the nausea accompanying that "hit by truck" feeling has waned off. but i still can't stand (read: gag horribly) when i smell dish soap on my hands. regular soap=fine. dishsoap=gaggy. let's just say i'm making everything dishwasher safe in this house. (and if our pets don't watch it, they're next.)

list of things that make me queasy...

or really, the smells that do it now.

last night it was the dinner i'd made (pasta bake with ground beef) -- i think the beef was the issue.

today? oh, it's just the smell of my hands after i've washed Oskar's tray with the sponge and dishsoap. yeah, cause i don't do THAT 80 times a day. fuck.

and why was i smelling my hands? i wasn't, but as i was eating some yogurt it's all i could smell as i brought the spoon to my mouth. my olfactory sense is THAT intense right now.

it's gonna be a long six weeks until the next trimester.

holy moses.

i'm really fucking queasy.
new rule: no more ground beef being cooked around here for a while.

that's all for now. must recline and think non-gagging thoughts. (in other words, no discussion of sarah palin whatsoever. oh crap... *gaggggggg*)

what a mixed bag, this "pregnant" thing...

mixed in the sense that when you don't have symptoms (nausea, sore boobs, etc.) you think "yikes! something is wrong with the pregnancy!'

then about eight hours pass (in which time you've actually gotten laundry, dishes AND work done) and it hits you ... that burning feeling in your stomach.

now of course i'm bitching about feeling nauseated. OH, i suck.

see? mixed bag.

upcoming events: monday my little girl turns FOURTEEN. holy crap. yes, we're that old, everyone. also on monday is my seven week ultrasound, and we'll see for certain if all systems are a GO for this here pregnancy.

and now for some Wii tennis with oskar!

baby made a bad, bad meal.

i'm not an experienced cook. i can make a few things (and do so on heavy rotation) ... sloppy joe's (not manwich, but real ones), tater tot hotdish, slow cooker pot roast ... yeah, that's about it as far as "from scratch" types of meals.

so i've been trying to look up recipes but often i find myself looking in the cupboards seeing only a few things, so i try to make up something.

i started with a pound of ground beef, and i figured "hey, i'll use that cream of chicken soup for a base, then add broccoli, celery and onions and put it on some pasta! i'm so fucking clever!"

beef is browned, veggies added and it's time to add the soup. i dump it in. it's no cream of chicken. it's not cream of anything. at all. it's chicken and rice soup. so no cream base at all. just watery, ricey ground beef with celery, broccoli and onions.

*sigh*

(at this point in time i wonder if i should just make pancakes.)

but no, i don't give up. i add pasta sauce. but there's not enough pasta sauce to balance the pound of ground beef. i eat a little bit, but it's just ... blah.

so in my last ditch attempt, i add condensed tomato soup. yeah, that's right. i took that road.

so it was tomato soup loaded with beef.

then i added a shit-ton of italian seasonings.

how did it taste?

dustin said "pretty tasty. i thought it was good."

i wasn't super impressed, but i guess i learned a valuable lesson. several lessons. like, "read labels before pouring in soup" and "if your instincts say to make pancakes, do that instead."

i'm DETERMINED!

yes! determined to post a blog post EVERY DAMN DAY! even if it's just about mundane things, like the shoe store i'm taking oskar tomorrow (he has man feet that require expensive shoes) or the cool exciting thing like abbey's musical opening tomorrow!

some douchebags were giving abbey a hard time about being "just a townsperson" in the play. i hate middle school kids. and these are the same kids that always, ALWAYS give abbey crap about something. i know it still hurts her, but i'm trying to teach her to never ever ever be surprised by their crap behavior. in fact, to expect it and then if it doesn't happen, it's a pleasant surprise! i'm even coaching her with comebacks for when they do spout crap from their stupid middle school mouths...

"oh good! my day isn't complete until you insult me! thanks!"
"and here i was afraid that you'd skip a day... what a relief!"

i hate teaching her to expect shitty behavior from people. but kids like *"asshat" and *"fuckwad" leave me no real choice.

oskar is sleeping. dustin is sleeping. abbey is pretending to be asleep but is really on facebook. all is as it should be at 9 p.m.

wait ... i'm awake? crap. i guess i'll get there soon.

i think i'll also post a photo of my uterus. isn't that exciting???


so in the center you see a black oval shape -- that's the "gestational sac." and on the left you see a little blog -- that's the "yolk sac."

gross, right? just seeing the words "yolk sac" make me all gaggy.

and at this early stage there's no way to see any fetus growth whatsoever, but it's there, hiding. (either that or there's no fetal growth happening. we'll see at the next ultrasound on **March 15. fingers crossed.)

must sleep now! and since i've posted two days in a row, i wonder if ***someone else will be inspired to begin posting again. hmm.

*not actual given names, but should be.
**my kid turns 14 that very same day!
***talkin' 'bout you, andrew ho.

let's see if i can get back into the habit ...

of blogging. i know. i ALWAYS say that. however now it's easier to blog because i've got a handy-dandy laptop to use. we all know i'm lazy, and now you know just HOW lazy.

my son enjoys grape jelly on toast. he's showing me how much by smearing jelly all over his fingers. but then he whines that he's sticky. *sigh*

so yeah, pregnant. pregnant! very happy, yet cautious because if 2006 taught me anything, it taught me that early pregnancy does not equal a viable pregnancy.

so i thought i was six weeks, i am five (i think). i was one of those dorks who had an iphone application that charted my cycles. why? because i wanted to get pregnant and be high-tech at the same time.

then at the end of january my iphone met with an unfortunate ending. then in late february i realized i really really needed the information on that iphone. the iphone that died. and so i guessed.

and i guessed wrong, esp. judging by the state of things on the ultrasound. the ultrasound looks great for a five-week pregnant person, not so great for a six week pregnant person. so i took a second look at my calendar and, by doing a little bit of thinking and remembering where i was at, i realized that i'm at five weeks.

which means all looks to be okay at this point.

another ultrasound on march 15 (my daughter's birthday!) to confirm the viability of the fetus, and if that's good to go, my first actual check up is march 29.

i've had one confirmed miscarriage, a couple suspected, and i don't think i want to go through these much more. really hoping for the best on this one.

oskar is vacuuming the living room. he's been vacuuming the living room for the better part of 20 minutes, but damn it, he's one happy toddler and i have time to blog. vacuum away, small boy. vacuum away.

anyone have any tips for making a child sit in a chair for a haircut at a hair place? you'd think the options they provide at kids' hair would be sufficient: movie, toys, bubbles shot from a bubble air gun... but no. he freaking SCREAMS.

i know he really loves blueberries. can i distract him with berries? that might happen tomorrow. or i might just do it myself as he sleeps and watch in horror as he wakes with an accidental mullet. maybe it's best left to the professionals.

i've long wondered to myself why i never use proper capitalization when i type -- esp. when i blog. it's not emulating e.e. cummings in any way (although i do love me some e.e. cummings), it's not a statement against what has been impressed upon us since childhood. i think it's because i'm LAZY. see? we've come full circle. i'm LAZY.

now he wants to stop vacuuming, but only so that someone else can vacuum and chase him with the vacuum.

i need sleep.