ill.

feel sick.
I've been sort of swimming in the sea of "why me?" lately. more specifically, I've been asking "WHY THE FUCK IS THIS HAPPENING?" with regards to a situation that isn't directly about me (which is why, at this point, I'll remain vague about it). I'm just sad right now. Heartbroken. I want this not-to-be-disclosed situation to get better and it is just frustrating. And it makes me so sad that there is someone I love so very much struggling day after day, & there is no magic pill to a quick fix. It requires trial and error again and again. Baby steps when i want leaps and bounds.
fuck.



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still waiting.

a few things are now settled -- we've now got a condo (apartment w/laundry) lined up and my totaled Hyundai has been replaced with a PT Cruiser (which I've kinda been nerding out over, can't be helped). job? not yet. need to kick myself in the ass to get ScanBerry cookin' since I'm not doing anything that will earn $ right now. so. I need to do research on stuff. I also need to do about 8,521 things to get ready to start our move in three weeks. moving. ugh.

change freaks me out. a lot. this next month will be one long exercise in, fuck, I don't even know, controlling anxiety? not chewing off my own hands?

guess who is cute?




this girl.