publisher's clearinghouse blah blah blah

every so often it comes into my head that i should enter the publisher's clearinghouse sweepstakes. they have commercials where a van (the Prize Patrol) shows up at someone's house, people emerge from the van like it's a damn clown car, there are balloons and a giant check for some old lady who answers the door wearing a house dress.

so naturally, i think "i should enter that contest! i could be next!" (this is not to say i own a house dress. i do not.)

but it's not just ONE contest. oh no. it's at least three emails a day, most of  which read something like this:

what in the fuck is a SUPERPRIZE NUMBER? i'm fine with entering a contest, but i have to have "ownership papers" of a number? some random number?

okay, clearinghouse, i'll bite. once. maybe twice. but then you send me THIS kind of shit after i skip one entry?

"YOU WOULD RATHER HAVE SOMEONE ELSE WIN ALL THAT MONEY!"
 yes, THAT must be it.
what kind of creepy, attempted-guilt-tripping type of crap is that? what genius came up with that notion? this did NOT make me enter the contest. no. this made me UNSUBSCRIBE. you hear that, clearinghouse? you've been 86'd from my inbox.