ode to dixie

not an ode at all, but just recalling some dixie-related thoughts on the eve of her departure. long story short, we have to give her up b/c her growling pattern with oskar is too scary and too persistent. she's over seven years old and while that is not "old" for a dog, her responses to a baby who is becoming more and more mobile are quite unnerving and won't get much better with age. so we're offering her up to be rehomed before she bites, b/c biting will remove any rehoming chance she has.

i'm sad. i'm sad thinking about the night i brought her home. how she and i regarded each other in the "get to know each other" room at the humane society. how she stayed by my side and seemed to look after me during the whole wedding fiasco a few years back. how she never left my side the week i was on the couch, crying over bram's death.

so i have a sob in my throat that i don't want to let out, because then i'll cry not be able to stop.

she's not the last dog we'll ever own, i'm sure, but overall she's been a great pet and i'll miss her more than you know.

breaking news on cnn....

"Barack Obama plans to act as early as his first week in office to shut the prison at Guantanamo Bay, two officials say."


RIGHT FUCKING ON! GO-BAMA!

eight months in eight minutes

still such an amazing video.

i haven't watched this video in a long time, but june's expression as she watches johnny still destroys me.

this just in!

(from henry rollins, upon seeing the photo of oskar getting his book from the shelf.)

oskar's reading material

i'm so proud.

xmas 2008

it's been so long...

but things are calmer. much calmer. yay for the wonders of medication! it was a really nice christmas and now it's 3:11 a.m. and oskar felt all sorts of not sleepy. so we're hanging out and i'm counting down until 4 a.m. when i know he'll be ready to go back to sleep... very soon. i am realizing that we have a TON of toys, and what's oskar playing with right now? a cardboard box.

sigh.

he is full-on crawling at top velocity, pulling himself up to standing against furniture and he will even attempt a no-hands standing position and succeed for about five seconds.

t-minus 30 days until walking, i predict. crazy.

maybe that was a little bit harsh.

but you have to understand how frustrating it is. we went to a school band concert the other night, and i know for a fact i wasn't the only one who felt... weird. like, all eyes were on us four parents. and not just because we have adorably cute babies.

maybe that was just paranoia -- us being worried that we were being studied by those around us. but it was creepy.

so i was harsh. but i'm in protective momma bear mode. i know my kid has caused some stress to those around her... but she's a victim in this, too. she didn't ask for a mood problem. she didn't do anything to bring it on. it happened. now we deal.

begin rant

this will not make sense to many (or a few) who read this, but it's basically some lint falling out of my brain that threatens to make my brain explode if i don't free the lint.

suffice it to say, we're dealing with some parenting/child issues, and i have a few things i want to get out. i became a parent at the age of 20/21 in an unplanned manner, but i chose to keep abagail in my life because i knew, i KNEW that i could raise her well. i also knew that there is no lifeguard at the gene pool and that, genetically speaking, she could take on some of my traits besides my childbearing hips (which she has avoided).

having said that, i resent people acting as though we are unaware of what is happening. my ex said it best by saying, "no shit, sherlock." i am a young mother. but i am not a stupid, unknowing mother. i am a mother who has seen what shit can happen. i am a mother who has done stupid things, and i am a mother who has survived. my mother is a mother who has survived. my daughter will survive all of this, too.

i am tired of people not having faith in my daughter, and acting as though this situation will NEVER resolve itself, when it's only been in repair mode for a couple of weeks. these are people who should fucking know better. and i know that some kids are uncomfortable and uneasy right now. boo hoo, i'm working on keeping my kid functional and alive, so you whiners can just eat it.

there's my rant. i only mean to be bitter a little bit, but as a mother who is fighting like hell to keep her child functional and simply OKAY, i get frustrated. who knew that it would be the school officials who were the compassionate ones????

f**king awesome

"Prop 8 - The Musical" starring Jack Black, John C. Reilly, and many more... by Jack Black

good times 'round these parts.

this is pretty goddamned funny...

thanks for this, jege!

i'm so proud of my friends!

GOLD: Prologue (SD) from David Nett on Vimeo.

hmm... nov. 25... why should that date ring a bell with me...?

oh yeah. almost forgot.


Nine Inch Nails - Lights In The Sky 2008 tour ad from Nine Inch Nails on Vimeo.

video time, take two..

are you fucking kidding me?

i am absolutely...

... not functioning today. do you ever feel like your back is about to break (figuratively, not literally)? trying to anticipate problems and solve problems and no matter what you do, you are left cleaning up a mess??? (this is in no way relating to oskar's bodily functions.)

i'm just tired of being as strong as i have to be all the time. bah.