my sad, sad throat

why do i feel as though i've just had a cheese grater run across my throat, and then had some salt tossed in immediately thereafter?
i need some chicken noodle soup. i need some vicks vapo-rub. need, need, need!
wanna see my FAVORITE thing to read? here you go!
...
Thank you for your interest in the recent Production Artist/Designer
position that was available with (insert company name here). We were fortunate to
have received such a positive response and have many qualified applicants to consider.
At this time we have narrowed our pool of candidates to those with qualifications and experience that most closely match our requirements. We sincerely regret that we cannot offer you employment at this time.
You have our best wishes for success in locating the career opportunity you deserve. Again, thank you for your interest.
..........................
Now that's just what the email said. But what did it really say? Really? Here's my interpretation....
.............
Thank you for your interest, but we could really give two shits that you are interested. We have 200,000 people interested in our entry level, low paying "opportunity." (And when we use that word, we make fake quotation marks with out fingers, to emphasize the sarcasm.)
At this time we have narrowed our pool of candidates to those who, unlike you, are willing to take the least amount of money for an insane amount of responsibility. We could say that we regret that we cannot offer you employment, but if we really regretted it, we'd be offering it. Tough luck, sister. Kiss your ass goodbye.
................
now i'm watching the movie "twister" with my daughter. why? because i'm a glutton for punishment and during the next bout of storms to hit the twin cities, i'm looking forward to dispelling the myths put forth by that rubbish. good times.

i promise i'll be nicer in my next blog.
really.
no, i mean it. i will.