ahh, one of those days.

i think if there is a country in which people live and don't worry about their weight, don't worry about if they are eating their feelings, don't worry about how they look as compared to others, i want to live in that country.
sometimes i get this way. sometimes i feel every fold of my skin is magnified by 10,000 times and can be seen by the naked eye from one hundred light years away.
nothing feels like it fits correctly. and if it does, it's those pants you haven't worn since last year when you were forty pounds heavier. and yet you eat that bite of macaroni and cheese and you drink that coca-cola even though you know it won't do anything good for you, even though you told yourself that today, you wouldn't eat. or if you did, you'd eat sparingly and start that workout plan again. you watch commercials for fitness center with envy, eying those who offer testimonial to no longer having "junk in the trunk," for getting rid of those unwanted pounds. and you feel bitter. and resentful. not because of how you look or your genetics but because you just can't stop feeling this way today. you are angry not because of how you look, but because you are upset about it. does that make sense? so i get angry about feeling this way, not being this way. i get angry that so much of my life has been spent fucking worrying about that shit. i get angry that i'm ranting about it now, instead of happily watching a movie with my kid. i get angry that my anger pulls me out of my daily life and i'm wallowing in it.
fuck it. time to watch "the 'burbs." time to do something that matters. (hangin' with the kid, not just the 'burbs part. although that movie does rock.)