how adorable?

pretty damn adorable, me and the sisters (minus 1). and yet we look nothing alike.

guess how much this makes me want to vomit!

looking over last january's posts

i like to look back every month in my archives to see what i was doing a year ago. one year ago i was planning a wedding. a wedding that didn't happen (at that originally planned time, anyhow). and just re-reading those old posts kind of made me feel like i had punched in the stomach repeatedly and nauseaus (maybe that's the french onion dip i've just consumed?). and it's amazing how far things have come. and how long it takes to get over things. and i could say a trillion things about what has happened this past year, but instead i'll simply say "thank you" to my friends -- 3D friends and those i only know in blogland . i would never, NEVER have gotten through all that... total shit ... had it not been for all of you. and you know who you are. thank you for putting up with my whining and crying and self-loating and my seething, burning anger. you are all amazing.
on the flip side of all that horrible agony, there was the fact that dustin and i learned a lot through that whole period. we both saw what life would be like without each other, and it wasn't pretty. and we saw how much we wanted to make it work. so yeah, that's something amazing, too.

what have i achieved this 2007?

well, i have eaten close to my weight in french onion dip and ruffle chips. and that's something special.
had a nice new year's eve at a party, then went over to the sister's place to ring in the new year with some bubbly.


ah, the sister and the groom-to-be. those darn kids grow up so fast...


me and sister. we are the cute.


my marriage is filled with moments like these.


is it me, or does dustin actually look tan next to my "so pale i'm translucent" skin?



ahh, the fine bubbly.

a whole new respect for justin timberlake

pretty damn funny.

more photos, more fun!

our dog is comfortable in the backseat of our car. no, we didn't take her to ND with us, but seeing how well she did on the way home from the dogsitter's place, we could have.

this is joe. i've known joe for many a year. and i don't know why i'm smiling so hard it looks as though my skin may break.

oh derek! derek smith! why must you and the wife live so far?

my mother knits socks with this, or so she says. i think it looks like voodoo.

there was all sorts of manly cigar smoking during our evening at the lucky strike lounge.
see? manliness all over the place.

this is what the kiddo did while all that manly smoking happened... relaxed at grandma's house.

this is a bell that came with a bunco game. a game that, if you play with a mere few people and not a room full of tables with many games going, is not exciting.

see?

THIS RULES

start 'em young!

photo update!

i miss the stacey. get your ass to minneapolis, stacey!

me and my pa. (i'm the one on the right with the beady eyes.)


me and the husband. and yes, everywhere we go, there is an angel above us.

ahh, christmas.

where the hell was i???

i just found out that peter boyle died. on the damn 12th. where was i when this happened? how was this not brought to my attention sooner???
so sad.

shouldn't i be sleeping in?

5 a.m. is a rough time to wake up. i didn't do it on purpose. genetically i'm predisposed to waking up and sitting in a chair, drinking coffee and doing crossword puzzles. but i'm a modern gal, so i'm in a rocking chair, drinking soda and blogging (but only b/c my puzzle book is in the car and i'll be DAMNED if i'm going outside at this hour).

left minneapolis around 6:45 yesterday morning. made it to bismarck in good time and am enjoying the fact that between the hours of 8 and 4:30, i'm being paid to be off from work. paid vacation is the BEST. so no, i'm not being paid to blog right now, however when i'm very very tired at 8:30 a.m. because my internal alarm clock keeps going off before 6 a.m., i'll be earning my usual wages.

today brings with it a drive from bismarck to minot with a possibility of a stop at the mall to pick up those little things that we either forgot or didn't have time to wash before leaving town (socks, i think).

maybe i'll try to sleep now. damn it. i need to sleep.

damn it.

yay! yay! yay! yay! *thwack*

it's friday for me! it's friday for me! tomorrow begins a SIX DAY WEEKEND!!!!! SIX DAYS! Three of which are PAID! woot! and in the event i don't have a chance to log in before the extravaganza begins, HAPPY HOLIDAYS! (that's right, my bill o' reilly patented war on christmas begins NOW!)

i slept how long???

after work today i was tired. really tired. more tired than i've been after a work day in a long time. so i thought i'd take a mid-afternoon nap around 5 p.m. the alarm kept going off, the phone kept ringing, but i thought "no, it's not THAT late."

10 p.m. happens, and i'm still asleep. holy crap. my elaborate plan of "no laundry left behind" won't happen tonight. all that i've accomplished is to eat two cheese sandwiches. that's it. and it was cheese that comes wrapped individually in plastic, so it's not even like fancy, good cheese.

now i worry: will i be able to sleep at all tonight, when i actually NEED to sleep? will i have to find a bottle of nyquil and a straw to get my before work slumber? crap.

wait. i can ALWAYS sleep. it's what i do.

this friday will kick off what i like to think of as "operation a whole lotta driving." friday=bismarck (six hours from here). saturday through wednesday=minot (two more hours from here). a big highlight of my christmas in ND will include a viewing of Black Christmas on christmas day! hurrah!

xmas shopping is done. i think. yeah, i'm almost 90% certain that all the gifts have been purchased. *pausing to think* yeah. so that's something.

i've been faithfully taking my happy lil' thyroid pill -- ahh, one more medication i will enjoy for the REST OF MY LIFE. side effects thus far include decreased appetite, noticably higher energy level (a metabolism emerges!)... so far, the BEST DIET EVER. (it's right up there with the plague and mono.)

crap. need to sleep in order to make my morning bus ride. is tequila considered a sleep aid? let's see, and i'll let you know.

yay, trent!

hurrah!

double hurrah!

my first thyroid condition, from MATTELL!

to further prove how lazy i really am, my thyroid has joined the ranks and it’s now become necessary for me to take a pill for it every day. luckily it was discovered before i developed a creepy goiter or anything like that, and it’s explaining why i’ve been putting weight back on after kicking such weight loss ass this past year. so i’ve already noticed that my appetite has decreased and i’ve experience a (somewhat frightening) surge in energy. so much energy that i actually CONSIDERED jogging. (instead i scrubbed my bathtub. more strenuous, actually.)
the holidays are nearing (all of them, as i’m not waging a war on christmas or anything) and we’re preparing for our trek back to north dakota. just the thought of minot makes me want to develop a goiter. (i don’t really know what that means, but i wrote it anyhow.) but days off from work are much welcome and i’m excited to sleep. a lot. seriously. unless, of course, my nearly-flatlined metabolism continues it’s surge, in which case i’ll probably be busy hauling things to expel some of this energy.

 

coffee and arthritis

nothing else. just that. coffee and arthritis. trying to quit my habit of coca-cola (it’s bad to say i have a coke habit... social services is funny about that) and replace it with $1 a day w/free refills coffee. to hell with my stomach’s health, i’m drinking too much soda and weight is piling on like... like... something that piles on.

arthritis. it’s cold out, therefore my right ring finger and pinkie are afflicted. it hurts. maybe coffee will help! is there anything coffee can’t help? (besides a bleeding ulcer?)

 

today's song on repeat

“teardrop” by massive attack.

listen to it and you’ll understand. (or, you can just watch the opening to “house” repeatedly as well.)

 

"you've got some serious ass post-mortem hair growth controlling problems"

a step toward better health or a nervous breakdown?

i don’t think i’ve had an actual physical at a doctor’s office for years. seriously. i am very on schedule with my other appointments, but never being on a team meant never having the full-on physical.

 

well today i’m having a physical. the larson girls are learning that there really is no lifeguard at the gene pool, which means, among other things, it’s time to pay attention to our cholesterol, as my sister’s all have high cholesterol. and i’m sure i do as well. truth be told, i’m horrified to go to the doctor today. i have a mole that needs looking at. i have questionable gland issues (is it a gland on my neck? a lump? an implant from aliens?).

 

and what if the mole is just a mole? i’ll feel better knowing this. however if the mole is not just a mole,  i will, in my “ignorance is bliss” way, wish to many gods to have a  rewind button on my day.

is it better to know the miserable, horrible parts of life? or is it better to float along, hoping every single day that the puffy little cloud on which i float never falls?

milan kundera touches on this idea in the first few chapters of “unbearable lightness of being.” not regarding moles, of course, but he offers up the idea of meaning (without judging one or the other as better) --- is it better to be untouched by pain and misery while being essentially a shell of a person, or to experience being to the fullest, even if it means feeling that misery, that horror, that sadness.

so today i shall step into the realm of being. it’s might just be a mole on my leg. it might not. i guess knowing and feeling that weight is better than the alternative of...well, my leg mysteriously rotting off.

 

 

i love Scrubs.

“people are bastard covered bastards with bastard filling.”

 

whew! gotta catch up on blogging!

okay, so my big news o' the day...i got boots that make me feel like i'm a fraction close to looking as hot as i've always wanted to. and they fit my monster calves, so another plus for lil' ol me.



had a nice holiday weekend with the husband and the kiddo -- watched a LOT of gilmore girls and had some mother-daughter bonding. the week before that we were host to the famous p-funk.


today's agenda? eventually i'll collapse due to my inability to sleep through the night and the necessity of waking up very early today to get kiddo on the road with her dad. and i look forward to that collapse. until then.. LAUNDRY. i'm not kidding. lately i'm a bit of a cherry-picker when doing laundry: i do what i need for the next few days and then hope for the best. sadly this can sustain me no longer and i MUST DO EVERY BIT OF LAUNDRY IN SITE. (maybe the sleep collapse will happen soon, so i can procrastinate a bit longer.)

other than that, just doing the daily work thing and mentally preparing myself for the trip to minot in less than a month.

a holiday classic

okay everyone, give this a try!

thoughts from my work day

when someone at your lunch table is eating food cooked in oyster sauce, you will NEVER get the smell out of your nose. it will be all you smell, all day long. in fact, you’ll even think that somehow it got on you because you smell it in your hair.

when you put on a shirt in the morning that you’ve not worn for months because it makes you feel frumpy, don’t wear it to work. that frumpy feeling was NOT just your imagination and you most certainly will have that feeling for as long as you wear it. if you have only that shirt clean, go ahead and wear a dirty one.

 

happy birthday, terry!

had a good ol' time at the townhouse last night -- and yes, the pictures are correct, my hair is black again.

me and husband.


terry singin' a little rocky mountain high...sweet sweet john denver.

miss molly is SUPERB!

we are aging, but gracefully.

laura, you are a charmer. and you make damn fine cupcakes.

one for my homeys

silliest song line EVER

“you know i feel so dirty when they start talkin’ cute, i wanna tell her that i love her but the point is probably moot.”

 

sweet, sweet onion.

well done, onion!

a must read post

sublimely mundane says it all.

movies, politics, religion, etc.

props to michelle for this goody .

just saw the movie "jesus camp" today. and although i'm still processing it as of now, i think my immediate reaction was "eww." i'd like to say that the crazy lady that runs the camp in devils lake DOES NOT represent what i think of as my home state. it's scary, and i don't like the idea of recruiting children to be part of "god's army." i think i'm too tired and too horrified by what i saw in the movie to form even a slightly-articulate assessment of the movie, but suffice it to say that i think it was well done. they turned the cameras on and you see first-hand some scary stuff. eight, nine, ten year olds talking in "tongues" (gibberish) while weeping and declaring how they were SAVED at the tender age of five. (saved? from what? elmo?)

there is also a beautifully ironic scene with the hypocrite ted haggard.

the crazies are outbreeding the rest of us. and they are militant. and they are being trained in north dakota. *shudder*

WAIT! i just saw this on The Google:

Pastor will shut down controversial kids camp

are we in the reality-based universe suddenly???

RUMSFELD RESIGNING!!!

MONTANA AND VIRGINIA TENTATIVELY GO DEM!

 

aaaaahhhhh!!!!!!! WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

 

props to c. george for sending this along

this is PERFECT.

emoticons

i hate emoticons. i really do, therefore i have created some of my own. feel free to add what you have as well.

{}:”{p = go fuck yourself and the horse you rode in on

&*)(^*] = you taped over my reruns of Friends, you bastard

%@:) = yes, i’ve totally been taking my medication

<*:^> = i might just throw myself out the window

 

PROOF OF GOD'S HATRED

my first task on a monday morning?

 

preflighting signs that promote gwen stefani.

*gag*

oh...my....god.

blue is the new black.

and she wanted it done with NO INFLUENCE FROM ME!!! can you believe it? can you believe I was the one who kept saying, "are you SURE you want blue?" she's so freaking cool.

Halloween RULES.

i made cookies that looked like FINGERS. and they were good.

Oh Dixie! The HORROR!!!


Christoph (once missing, now found) and his lovely wife, Allison.


Dry ice kicks ass. Thanks, Terry!

I don't know how, but Christoph got my dog to wear glasses. And she's HOT.

From left, Jesus H. Christ (the H is for Henry, right?), Dylan, Elliott and Mary Magdalene.

One of the many dolls that are hanging in our living room.

We're the cutest couple EVER.

Dustin's fine handiwork in our yard. (The creatures even move!)

My pet.

My sister and her boy. CLEVER KIDS!

my "i'm happy it's nearly the weekend" song

Walk this Way by Run DMC.

 

that’s right. that’s the way i roll.

 

thanks for this, jege!

jege's recipe made me think about what goes into making a batch of me. so here goes.

in a plus-sized bowl, mix three cups of grudges with one and a half cup of spite, and blend until smooth. add three tablespoons of angst and two cups of personality disorders. sift together and pour in a cup of bitterness. in a separate bowl, add one cup of minced jealously and a dash of clown hatred. combine the two bowls into one and let chill in the freezer of discontent. for sixteen years.

thaw, and sprinkle on zesty wit for flavor. butter with anger toward creditors and cover the mixture with chopped self-esteem issues. place in a partially-broken baking dish and cook at 375 degrees (may use lower temperature for higher altitudes) for 45 minutes.

once cool, frost with icy passive-aggressiveness and for decoration, add a dollop
of whipped suspicion. serves 12.

the grim reaper takes it easy

song for monday

“Lil’ Boots” by Pet.

 

listen to it NOW.

 

what the...?

is there a medication i can take to make bad songs get out of my head? is the fact that there is a damn Creed song stuck in my head a medical condition?

*gagging*

the latest addition to my tattoo family

so i have finally found a pattern that i like for my next tattoo. as many of you know, i have three tattoos currently. this is my first one, given to me from cory prough, and i keep it as a reminder that, although it is legal to get a tattoo when you are 18, it might not be a good idea, b/c being a taurus meant a WHOLE LOT to me when i was 18. now that i'm 31? yeah, not so much. so i keep it to teach my child that just because you can, doesn't mean you should.



(forgive the quality of that photo. it's not easy taking a photo of your left shoulder blade.)

this next one was the first one in minneapolis. i got it at saint sabrina's as a christmas gift from the boy.



then the next was a christmas gift from the boy again, and it's on my right forearm:



now, in staying with my theme of sewing back together/patching things up, here is the pattern (color yet undetermined with any certainty)of my coming tattoo:



i will have dustin take photos of the process... it'll be a memorable post.

Thursday morning song

"it's 3:23 in the morning and i can't fall back to sleep."

who is that by? oh wait! it's not a real song, it's ME, RIGHT NOW, AND I WOULD REALLY LIKE TO SLEEP.

my monday morning song

“lithium” by nirvana. (it’s an old school day.)

 

my panic alarm is going off

what in the fuck is wrong with rush limbaugh? who in the hell, in their right mind, blames the victims???? is there no conscience, no accountability in this situation? oh wait, why would this situation be any different from any other situation of this administration, this administration that shirks accountability around every turn?

douchebags, all of 'em. i'm sickened by it. so ill. and do you think for a SECOND that if a democrat pulled this, if a democrat version of Hastert covered this up for so many goddamn years, they would not be burned at the stake??? and people want to compare clinton's situation to this? fine then, where the hell is ken starr and his bundles of paperwork on Foley?

a predator is a predator is a predator. oh, he never actually TOUCHED the pages that worked for him? oh, i guess it's totally okay then. yeah, that helps me sleep at night.

i'm trying my hand at youtube...

a movie that makes me weepy every time. no, seriously. it does.

it's true...

we really learned nothing from "footloose."

file under "things that piss me off"

brit hume is a rat bastard.

anyone who equates bill clinton's lewinsky deal with mark foley preying on 16 year olds is INSANE.

newt gingrich is a rat bastard.

from Fox News

WALLACE: But during all those months, they left Foley in the House Republican leadership. They left him as the head of the congressional caucus dealing with exploited children. No second thoughts about that?


GINGRICH: Well, you can have second thoughts about it, but I think, had they overly aggressively reacted to the initial round, they would have also been accused of gay bashing.

anyone who tries to equate preying on minors and homosexuality is INSANE.

from The Daily Show's Jon Stewart

"Equating a 52-year-old congressman who preys on 16-year-olds with being gay may be one reason the GOP is accused of gay bashing."

all that, and House won't have a new episode until Oct. 31. damn it.

i'm the best auntie EVER...

because i teach my niece and nephews songs from Ren & Stimpy! I RULE!

hanging out at the sister's tonight, enjoying pizza, hilarious kids and a laptop 'puter. i know i keep saying this, but maybe, just maybe, in a few weeks, i'll be able to repair mine and i will be a blogging fiend once again!

i forgot how nice blogging is. i've gotten out of the habit b/c of my lack of laptop, but it's pretty... relaxing. i'm getting all the rubbish out of my head and it's whizzing away at a gajillion miles per hour into neverland and it's less for me to carry around. does that make sense?

i've also been thinking alot about my self worth. i have the tendency to compare myself to others -- i've always been that way and now at the age of 31, i just don't see that changing. but maybe what i can change is how i do the comparison. instead of seeing someone who is clearly better looking than i and thinking "boy, i wish i were as perfect as they are," i can think "boy, i'm maybe not that size six (or eight. or ten.) but i'm still a kickass person." and logically i can think that, but logic doesn't always play into it. it's hard to change how the mind processes things. and it's hard to let go of things that chew away at your brain, always waiting in there to POUNCE on you when you are feeling vulnerable. it's hard to just let that shit go. and i have to let that shit go. it's not fucking worth it. and it's hard to trust yourself. and it's hard to trust others. i don't want these small crappy things upsetting me to the point where i can't function.

my daughter is a lot like me in many ways. which is not rocket science, i know, but it's alarming seeing a version of yourself struggling with things that you yourself have not mastered. and though she does not have bpd like i do, she certainly does have a very, very sensitive nature. she really does not have many areas of grey in her emotions, and knowing what that is like, it's just tough to watch. she has the best heart. and when she loves someone/something, or enjoys something, she lights up. she is a blast. she loves so much and so intensely, it's amazing to see. but the flip side of that is tough. when she sees someone else in pain, in a problem, even just as simple as some playground teasing, she steps up to the plate and stands up for them. but it goes past that...she feels so badly for them that it's as though it's happening to her. and i know what that's like. and to watch her go through it, holy crap. it's not easy. feeling intense emotions can be great, but there's a dark side to all of it. and it's pretty dismal sometimes. and some people will just never understand that.

wow, that's been building up. enough of that nonsense.

my nephew is currently finding new and inventive ways to not go to bed. "i have to tell auntie kari something." "i'm thirsty." "my arm is broken and the bone is sticking out of the skin." those kids will say ANYTHING to stay up at night.

halloween is just around the corner and it has always been my favorite holiday. this year's costume choice is leaning more and more toward wednesday addams (truth). we might even have a party (truth). we will also hire clown and monkeys for entertainment (not true).

i really don't feel like working tomorrow. i mean, is there REALLY a day where i think, "gosh, know what's better than sleeping in late? WORKING! what's better than relaxing around the house in my pajamas, playing with the pets and watching really bad television? WORKING!"

that being said, i do like what i do, for the most part. i don't even think i've really written much about my job since beginning in may. i work for the in-store marketing department of target corporation. i am the preflight person for electronic production. and what in the hell does that mean? it means that, when the creative department's files for the store signs are designed and ready to put together for print, they come to me. i look them over and "preflight them," or check the photo resolution, the fonts, the layouts, etc. then i pass them along to the production folks and they build the final files and send them to the printers. some signs i'll build the finals files for, if i have time and people need help, but mostly i'm my own little island of work. and it's pretty cool going into a store and seeing stuff i'm seen on my computer screen. so yeah, any target you go to, chances are the signs you are looking at were touched by my manhands months ago.

so that's what i do. it's not a job that changes lives or makes the world a better place, but it's a decent job that i feel fairly lucky to have. it would be nice to have a job that makes a difference, but being abbey's mom falls under the category of "making the world a better place," because she rocks SO MUCH!

and i just got an "i lub you" from my nephew. (and if you mock his not quite four-year-old way of speech, i'll rip off your arms and beat you with them.)