holy carp!

who loves screenshots?
the video=SO GOOD. (true, trent could read out of a freaking phone book and i'd declare "genius!") seriously. SO GOOD. and can i just add that surround sound is AMAZING? those crazy kids and their technology.

it definitely is a nice end to a really long and, at times, incredibly shite day.

more? why not!



on a completely different topic, why is it so hard to change how we are hardwired, how we react to things? logically we can see something in our lives for exactly what it is, yet something in us goes completely ballistic and later we are left feeling something very close to embarassment.

how do we all have those buttons that are pushed with very little effort, most time by accident, and then it makes us spit out all the hateful little thoughts we try not to have -- let alone verbalize. we unravel into a mess of anger and bile (not ACTUAL bile, but you know what i mean) when so very often it's completely NOT WORTH IT.

maybe that is why love is such a wonder. not because of the hearts and flowers and warm fuzzy feelings and fireworks, but a complete wonder because no matter what horrible things come out of our mouths, no matter how spiteful and grude-worthy they may be, there is still someone in this world who loves us -- who chooses to be with us. it is a absolute mystery.

and the next great wonder of the world: how will i EVER finish all the laundry i have to do? (ooh, i'm on the edge of my seat to solve this one!)

so...excited...can't...wait...for...tomorrow.....!!!!!

tuesday! tuesday! tuesday! tuesday! tuesday! tuesday! tuesday! tuesday! tuesday!

thanks to chris george for this gem!

ahh, one of those days.

i think if there is a country in which people live and don't worry about their weight, don't worry about if they are eating their feelings, don't worry about how they look as compared to others, i want to live in that country.
sometimes i get this way. sometimes i feel every fold of my skin is magnified by 10,000 times and can be seen by the naked eye from one hundred light years away.
nothing feels like it fits correctly. and if it does, it's those pants you haven't worn since last year when you were forty pounds heavier. and yet you eat that bite of macaroni and cheese and you drink that coca-cola even though you know it won't do anything good for you, even though you told yourself that today, you wouldn't eat. or if you did, you'd eat sparingly and start that workout plan again. you watch commercials for fitness center with envy, eying those who offer testimonial to no longer having "junk in the trunk," for getting rid of those unwanted pounds. and you feel bitter. and resentful. not because of how you look or your genetics but because you just can't stop feeling this way today. you are angry not because of how you look, but because you are upset about it. does that make sense? so i get angry about feeling this way, not being this way. i get angry that so much of my life has been spent fucking worrying about that shit. i get angry that i'm ranting about it now, instead of happily watching a movie with my kid. i get angry that my anger pulls me out of my daily life and i'm wallowing in it.
fuck it. time to watch "the 'burbs." time to do something that matters. (hangin' with the kid, not just the 'burbs part. although that movie does rock.)

there is all sorts of NIN craziness goin' on!

this info courtesy of echoingthesound

THE WEBSITES:

http://www.iamtryingtobelieve.com/

http://www.churchofplano.com/

http://www.bethehammer.net/

http://www.105thairbornecrusaders.com/

http://www.anotherversionofthetruth.com/ (click and drag your mouse around!)

http://www.consolidatedmailsystems.com/nooneimportant/

http://www.consolidatedmailsystems.com/citizen_unknown/

THE AUDIO CLIPS:

http://anotherversionofthetruth.com/audio/opalo.mp3

http://anotherversionofthetruth.com/audio/ballgameOver.mp3

http://anotherversionofthetruth.com/audio/nohurry.mp3


THE LEAKED YEAR ZERO TRACK!!:

http://thefragilehalo.com/Documents/My%20Violent%20Heart.mp3


THE PHONE MESSAGE:

For # 1-310-295-1040
http://thefragilehalo.com/Documents/PhoneMessage.mp3

be still my beating heart...

DIG IT.

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone!

congrats to the husband!

A BIG SHOUT-OUT TO DUSTIN WHO JUST GOT A JOB! HURRAH TO YOU, DUSTYBILL!

my feet are chilly.

and not as in "i'm afraid of commitment!" but just "i've been dinking around on the computer for a while and it's in the basement and i don't have sock on, therefore my feet are chilly."

had some good fun with some coworkers last night -- it's nice when you can relate to people in the same -- if not better -- way when you are actually outside of the cubicles.

last two days of work last week were THE SUCK. tooo busy. way too busy. and tomorrow promises more of the same, so i'm looking forward to THAT. for sure. totally. dude.

(what's wrong with me?)

the tattoo is healing up BEAUTIFULLY. love it. LOVE IT. want more tattoos, but will hold off until i think of something to cover up the hideous taurus tattoo. (i'm sure plenty of people put great stock into astrology. but now that i'm not 18 anymore, i'm just not one of them.) maybe i need ideas! who has an idea for a coverup? this is what you'd need to mask:



it's on the upper part of my left shoulder-blade, so i'll send a prize to whoever has the best idea! (b/c that's a good way to decide on permanent ink on my skin...)

now i have to relax on what might be the COMFIEST COUCH EVER in the living room. with the dog. while watching really crappy sunday tv. and trying to get through our laundry. all while remaining in pajamas. a FULL day, indeed.

i'm blogging and it's not even the middle of the night!

what a long, long, long effing day. holy crap. and luckily i get to sleep soon. hurrah! and tomorrow is friday, hurrah! and on saturday a friend and i are driving to des moines to take my kiddo to see Phantom of the Opera! and i think someone is tap-dancing upstairs... i can only assume it's the kiddo and not dustin, although stranger things have happened.

congrats out to ellermeeeee for her new job! congrats to aimicita and jub-jub as jub-jub as been accepted to vet school! and to round out the leingirlz3 trio, congrats to jege for her amazing photos!

holy god...

me as a suburban soccer mom? wife of an astronaut? yeah, that's just creepy.

See what girls go through for beauty?

it's tough being a girl.

(my husband is a lucky, lucky man.)

i really need to start carrying a camera around with me

so i'm driving the other day with dustin and we're headed north on 35W. over the interstate on the walking bridge i see a poster stuck up to the fence, and on it is this image:


PRICELESS.

SHAMELESS PLUG

oh my! just LOOK at all the additions to snidecards.com!

awake at 2:50 a.m.? why not?!?

i'm up a little earlier than my normal "can't sleep because it's the middle of the damn night" thing, but that's because i fell asleep earlier than normal. and now i'm eating sixlets. and really, weren't sixlets a good candy at one time? i bought this whole damn movie theater sized box of them and suddenly they are horribly gross. waxiness coating the roof of my mouth. what the crap?

this is supposed to be the coldest weekend of the year thus far, therefore i have absolutely NO PLANS of leaving the house whatsoever. well, maybe to go to a movie, but that's all, i swear.

waiting for the benadryl i took to kick in. (i don't actually buy sleep remedies since the normal stuff knocks me on my arse. any moment now...)

the tattoo? well, it's itchy as hell right now, but i still love it with a love deeper than love.

and now i'm re-examining the box of sixlets, i keep giving them another try, only to be horribly disappointed. did the box always have a row of sixlets with legs , as if to look like a caterpillar made of candy, wearing glasses and socks? and another thing: were the candies themselves always this shiny? is that normal?

i really, REALLY need to go back to sleep. i'm becoming way too disturbed by that little sixlet bastard.

and on the fourth day, she shed her skin...

molting. it's just part of the process.

which is worse...

breaking part of a tooth.... OR
breaking ANOTHER PART of that SAME DAMN TOOTH...

????

SWEET!

GO AL!

tattoo: 24-hours later

it's beginning to heal. hurrah!

ooh! tattoo night!

see how excited i am to get a tattoo?



the bare canvas.

the early sketchings.

outline complete!

the finished product!

and yes, they wrap you in saran wrap when you are done.

here are some links to some video on youtube of the exciting night:
video 1
video 2
video 3

a taste of what's to come...

you can get an early glimpse of what snidecards.com will offer at our temporary cafepress store!

oh, for cryin' out loud...

it's 3:04 a.m.

i would REALLY like to sleep through the night. seriously. no, for real.

i'm so behind on the good videos

i'm ashamed that i didn't see this sooner.

in my wine glass tonight....

"Mmmmm! It DOES go well with the chicken!"

down with the sickness

home sick from work -- coughing, hacking, phlegmmy, the works. and that will come in second in the race of unpleasantries after i watch the state of the union address. that bottle of nyquil i've been saving for horrible sickness might really come in handy today. and you KNOW that W. will offer all sorts of goodies. who can forget the animal-human hybrid mention from last year? *shudder* why even bring that up? was that really on the table?

i also intend on keeping track of the following:
•number of times "september the eleventh" is mentioned
•number of times the word "terror" is used
•number of times he confuses the name "saddam" with "osama"
•number of times he avoids making eye contact with michael j. fox
•number of times he snickers
•number of times i want to assume the fetal position and whimper out of shame

and please, PLEASE let this be the year that people DO NOT APPLAUD his idotic statements. turn your backs, chew gum loudly, shoot spitwads through a straw, ANYTHING BUT APPLAUD his insanity. time to man up, dems and repubs!

sweet, sweet onion!

Somebody Should Make A Movie About My Life

i can't stop doing these!

You Are 32% Sociopath

From time to time, you may be a bit troubled and a bit too charming for your own good. It's likely that you're not a sociopath... just quite smart and a bit out of the mainstream!

Are You A Sociopath?

only 32%? man, i'll have to try harder next time.

wha...? noooooooo.

Your Inner Child Is Sad

You're a very sensitive soul. You haven't grown that thick skin that most adults have. Easily hurt, you tend to retreat to your comfort zone. You don't let many people in - unless you've trusted them for a long time.

How Is Your Inner Child?

update? why not!

yes, it's 3 a.m. yes, i'm still awake. had some folks over for some movie fun and a few drinks and damn it all, i'm not tired yet.
things i'm realizing:
1. i am a hateful person at times (as in, i hate things.)
2. i hold grudges for far too long (however, some grudges you need to hang on to for a long time when they are REALLY worth it).
3. after drinking a bit, these silly grudges that really don't mean anything anymore can still rear their ugly heads, thus making me sound far more hateful than i actually am.
4. i am a force to be reckoned with.
5. #4 really isn't true.
6. but i wish i felt that way sometimes.
7. which is one of the perks of alcohol.
8. because it makes you feel that way.
9. which is why i don't drink very often.

see? many realizations.

back from nodak (yes, again)

after some weather stuff and some train delay stuff, i'm back! woo! had some time in ND with dust's fam and this weekend holds a promise of a tattoo! hurrah! photos to come! i can't stop using exclamation points! help!

how adorable?

pretty damn adorable, me and the sisters (minus 1). and yet we look nothing alike.

guess how much this makes me want to vomit!

looking over last january's posts

i like to look back every month in my archives to see what i was doing a year ago. one year ago i was planning a wedding. a wedding that didn't happen (at that originally planned time, anyhow). and just re-reading those old posts kind of made me feel like i had punched in the stomach repeatedly and nauseaus (maybe that's the french onion dip i've just consumed?). and it's amazing how far things have come. and how long it takes to get over things. and i could say a trillion things about what has happened this past year, but instead i'll simply say "thank you" to my friends -- 3D friends and those i only know in blogland . i would never, NEVER have gotten through all that... total shit ... had it not been for all of you. and you know who you are. thank you for putting up with my whining and crying and self-loating and my seething, burning anger. you are all amazing.
on the flip side of all that horrible agony, there was the fact that dustin and i learned a lot through that whole period. we both saw what life would be like without each other, and it wasn't pretty. and we saw how much we wanted to make it work. so yeah, that's something amazing, too.

what have i achieved this 2007?

well, i have eaten close to my weight in french onion dip and ruffle chips. and that's something special.
had a nice new year's eve at a party, then went over to the sister's place to ring in the new year with some bubbly.


ah, the sister and the groom-to-be. those darn kids grow up so fast...


me and sister. we are the cute.


my marriage is filled with moments like these.


is it me, or does dustin actually look tan next to my "so pale i'm translucent" skin?



ahh, the fine bubbly.

a whole new respect for justin timberlake

pretty damn funny.

more photos, more fun!

our dog is comfortable in the backseat of our car. no, we didn't take her to ND with us, but seeing how well she did on the way home from the dogsitter's place, we could have.

this is joe. i've known joe for many a year. and i don't know why i'm smiling so hard it looks as though my skin may break.

oh derek! derek smith! why must you and the wife live so far?

my mother knits socks with this, or so she says. i think it looks like voodoo.

there was all sorts of manly cigar smoking during our evening at the lucky strike lounge.
see? manliness all over the place.

this is what the kiddo did while all that manly smoking happened... relaxed at grandma's house.

this is a bell that came with a bunco game. a game that, if you play with a mere few people and not a room full of tables with many games going, is not exciting.

see?

THIS RULES

start 'em young!

photo update!

i miss the stacey. get your ass to minneapolis, stacey!

me and my pa. (i'm the one on the right with the beady eyes.)


me and the husband. and yes, everywhere we go, there is an angel above us.

ahh, christmas.

where the hell was i???

i just found out that peter boyle died. on the damn 12th. where was i when this happened? how was this not brought to my attention sooner???
so sad.

shouldn't i be sleeping in?

5 a.m. is a rough time to wake up. i didn't do it on purpose. genetically i'm predisposed to waking up and sitting in a chair, drinking coffee and doing crossword puzzles. but i'm a modern gal, so i'm in a rocking chair, drinking soda and blogging (but only b/c my puzzle book is in the car and i'll be DAMNED if i'm going outside at this hour).

left minneapolis around 6:45 yesterday morning. made it to bismarck in good time and am enjoying the fact that between the hours of 8 and 4:30, i'm being paid to be off from work. paid vacation is the BEST. so no, i'm not being paid to blog right now, however when i'm very very tired at 8:30 a.m. because my internal alarm clock keeps going off before 6 a.m., i'll be earning my usual wages.

today brings with it a drive from bismarck to minot with a possibility of a stop at the mall to pick up those little things that we either forgot or didn't have time to wash before leaving town (socks, i think).

maybe i'll try to sleep now. damn it. i need to sleep.

damn it.

yay! yay! yay! yay! *thwack*

it's friday for me! it's friday for me! tomorrow begins a SIX DAY WEEKEND!!!!! SIX DAYS! Three of which are PAID! woot! and in the event i don't have a chance to log in before the extravaganza begins, HAPPY HOLIDAYS! (that's right, my bill o' reilly patented war on christmas begins NOW!)

i slept how long???

after work today i was tired. really tired. more tired than i've been after a work day in a long time. so i thought i'd take a mid-afternoon nap around 5 p.m. the alarm kept going off, the phone kept ringing, but i thought "no, it's not THAT late."

10 p.m. happens, and i'm still asleep. holy crap. my elaborate plan of "no laundry left behind" won't happen tonight. all that i've accomplished is to eat two cheese sandwiches. that's it. and it was cheese that comes wrapped individually in plastic, so it's not even like fancy, good cheese.

now i worry: will i be able to sleep at all tonight, when i actually NEED to sleep? will i have to find a bottle of nyquil and a straw to get my before work slumber? crap.

wait. i can ALWAYS sleep. it's what i do.

this friday will kick off what i like to think of as "operation a whole lotta driving." friday=bismarck (six hours from here). saturday through wednesday=minot (two more hours from here). a big highlight of my christmas in ND will include a viewing of Black Christmas on christmas day! hurrah!

xmas shopping is done. i think. yeah, i'm almost 90% certain that all the gifts have been purchased. *pausing to think* yeah. so that's something.

i've been faithfully taking my happy lil' thyroid pill -- ahh, one more medication i will enjoy for the REST OF MY LIFE. side effects thus far include decreased appetite, noticably higher energy level (a metabolism emerges!)... so far, the BEST DIET EVER. (it's right up there with the plague and mono.)

crap. need to sleep in order to make my morning bus ride. is tequila considered a sleep aid? let's see, and i'll let you know.

yay, trent!

hurrah!

double hurrah!

my first thyroid condition, from MATTELL!

to further prove how lazy i really am, my thyroid has joined the ranks and it’s now become necessary for me to take a pill for it every day. luckily it was discovered before i developed a creepy goiter or anything like that, and it’s explaining why i’ve been putting weight back on after kicking such weight loss ass this past year. so i’ve already noticed that my appetite has decreased and i’ve experience a (somewhat frightening) surge in energy. so much energy that i actually CONSIDERED jogging. (instead i scrubbed my bathtub. more strenuous, actually.)
the holidays are nearing (all of them, as i’m not waging a war on christmas or anything) and we’re preparing for our trek back to north dakota. just the thought of minot makes me want to develop a goiter. (i don’t really know what that means, but i wrote it anyhow.) but days off from work are much welcome and i’m excited to sleep. a lot. seriously. unless, of course, my nearly-flatlined metabolism continues it’s surge, in which case i’ll probably be busy hauling things to expel some of this energy.

 

coffee and arthritis

nothing else. just that. coffee and arthritis. trying to quit my habit of coca-cola (it’s bad to say i have a coke habit... social services is funny about that) and replace it with $1 a day w/free refills coffee. to hell with my stomach’s health, i’m drinking too much soda and weight is piling on like... like... something that piles on.

arthritis. it’s cold out, therefore my right ring finger and pinkie are afflicted. it hurts. maybe coffee will help! is there anything coffee can’t help? (besides a bleeding ulcer?)

 

today's song on repeat

“teardrop” by massive attack.

listen to it and you’ll understand. (or, you can just watch the opening to “house” repeatedly as well.)

 

"you've got some serious ass post-mortem hair growth controlling problems"

a step toward better health or a nervous breakdown?

i don’t think i’ve had an actual physical at a doctor’s office for years. seriously. i am very on schedule with my other appointments, but never being on a team meant never having the full-on physical.

 

well today i’m having a physical. the larson girls are learning that there really is no lifeguard at the gene pool, which means, among other things, it’s time to pay attention to our cholesterol, as my sister’s all have high cholesterol. and i’m sure i do as well. truth be told, i’m horrified to go to the doctor today. i have a mole that needs looking at. i have questionable gland issues (is it a gland on my neck? a lump? an implant from aliens?).

 

and what if the mole is just a mole? i’ll feel better knowing this. however if the mole is not just a mole,  i will, in my “ignorance is bliss” way, wish to many gods to have a  rewind button on my day.

is it better to know the miserable, horrible parts of life? or is it better to float along, hoping every single day that the puffy little cloud on which i float never falls?

milan kundera touches on this idea in the first few chapters of “unbearable lightness of being.” not regarding moles, of course, but he offers up the idea of meaning (without judging one or the other as better) --- is it better to be untouched by pain and misery while being essentially a shell of a person, or to experience being to the fullest, even if it means feeling that misery, that horror, that sadness.

so today i shall step into the realm of being. it’s might just be a mole on my leg. it might not. i guess knowing and feeling that weight is better than the alternative of...well, my leg mysteriously rotting off.