... i'm sitting in my sister's basement and witnessing my brother in law and my husband battling it out in halo 3. it's mostly quiet for the occasional "you're still alive? impossible!" and things of that nature.
today is my friday, so i'm looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow and being lazy. oh yeah, AND doing dishes and laundry. b/c that's awesome.
the top of my foot itches. it confuses me b/c if i really itch it, it both tickles AND hurts. if i do nothing, it might actually drive me to madness. what's a girl to do?
i just purchased shoes recently for a nifty buy one, get one deal and have since made the mistake of wearing the lovely maryjanes without socks. this is going to cause the shoes to ... well, to put it bluntly, smell like dog. and i suspect that the itch of the top of the foot is caused from the maryjaney strap across it, but if i remove the shoes, the whole world (husband, brother in law) will have to deal with the sockless shoe choice i have made. i cannot bear to do that. i fear only a scrubbing in the style of Silkwood will heal my feet.
what's that? i'm talking only of the ridiculous? the lame? the pointless? i feel like i need a little bit of that right now. or maybe i should just talk about what is on my mind.
two and a half weeks ago, i didn't really believe in an afterlife. if people die, that's it. maybe it's a belief out of necessity now, but it has changed since bram's death. i can no longer accept that people are just ... GONE. it's going against everything i believed before this, but there have been just these little things that i won't go into now... but just a feeling here and there that he's not just gone. little reminders, little... signs, if you will.
in the last few weeks my older sister has had two of her classmates pass away and after she found out about each one, a song came onto the radio that was completely indicative of the time she spent with them. coincidence? maybe. maybe these things do just happen. maybe during a moment of sobbing in my car it just so happened that the two very songs i associate with bram more than any others songs in this entire world play one after the other.
maybe it seems naive. maybe i'm looking too hard for something. maybe it seems like a childish way to handle it. but whether these things mean something more or are just mere coincidence, i don't think it matters. if it offers me even a sliver of comfort, i'll take it.
but don't you think that if there was ANYONE in this world that would be able to go from life into some sort of energy that is near to us, wouldn't that person be bram???
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