return of the headache

well i'm certainly glad that i spent four hours of my afternoon sleeping away a headache only to have it return again. awesome. my cat, little brother, is on the pillow next to me and is rubbing his head against mine. while this may seem endearing, i feel as though i may need to throw him across the room if he doesn't stop soon.

as a side note, i've begun an open letter to the inventor of the nicotine patch.


Dear Dr. Etscorn,

I thank you for your contribution to science in an effort to rid humanity of it's addiction to nicotine. However, as a former patch user and current smoker, I would like to offer the following suggestions:

1. Do encourage Hollywood to "sex up" the patch. Instead of seeing a sweaty, low-rise pant wearing Brad Pitt lighting up a cigarette in a movie, imagine seeing Mr. Pitt slapping on a patch. But to sex it up, he could slap it on extra hard. And then he'd punch the next guy who smoked around him.

2. Make patches look like tattoos instead of little badges of shame and weakness.

3. Include a prize in the box of patches, much like a box of Cracker Jack. After all, opening the box is the first step in quitting.

4. Here's something simple: Makes patches with adhesive that ACTUALLY STICKS. Really. It pisses me off to have a patch that is hanging halfway off of my skin. It's like those labels on magazine covers, and once a little bit of the corner curls up, you can't help but just pull at it...

5. Maybe we should put little messages on patches, and here is what they should say:
a. I'm using this so I don't die a fucking miserable death.
b. I'm using this so I can further stick it to the man.
c. I'm using this so that I can save myself from dying AND not jab a pen into your eye, bitches.
d. This really sucks so you should give me large, expensive gifts for using this patch.

6. Can patches maybe help with the weight loss thing, too? A two-for-one deal?

7. If our bodies are probably also addicted to the 300 plus chemicals in cigarettes, could patches -- just the first couple of high dose steps -- maybe include a few of those? Because guess what --- the nicotine might not be enough to take the edge off of that ammonia and arsenic craving I've got going on.



i'm about that far along with it. any suggestions on other improvements?