from Dustin
from Abbey
Friday, March 31, 2006
Thursday, March 30, 2006
dixie is quite the helper
ahh, sleeping as though SHE has been the one cleaning and packing the past two days.
she has, however accomplished the following:
• knocking over garbage bin (twice, resulting in me picking up a broken glass that decided to imbed itself into my finger)
• urinated on TWO blankets
and that's while i've been at home. i'm leaving the house soon and i don't even want to guess what surprises will await my return.
as far as the Operation Remove Rubbish and Clutter (ORRC) goes:
bedroom -- done
abbey's room -- done
living room -- done
dining room -- done (mostly)
what remains?
upstairs tv room
storage closet
kitchen
bathroom
basement
computer room
then after ORRC comes Operation Clean Like a Lunatic.
who wants to play???
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
okay, feeling seriously overwhelmed right now. just realized i have a job interview tomorrow (yay!) but have nothing clean to wear (boo!) and crap to show as a portfolio (bigger boo!) and there are so many bags of trash, boxes of stuff and hampers of laundry that i am losing my mind. FUUUUUUCK.
maybe this is a good time to step out and have a cigarette. how is this house EVER going to be "market" ready?????????????????????????
(number of question marks = level of frustration)
maybe this is a good time to step out and have a cigarette. how is this house EVER going to be "market" ready?????????????????????????
(number of question marks = level of frustration)
my first commercial!
it's pretty rough, but i think i have a really big chance of winning this contest with my entry!
props to dustin for the heads up.
props to dustin for the heads up.
see? see how far i've gotten?
making a house "ready to sell" really really sucks, esp. when you depend primarily on area businesses supply of old cardboard boxes and it has just rained a lot. so there is not a whole lot i can do without boxes right now. so maybe i'll just dink around online, you know, just for a little while.
and if ANYONE has any boxes they would like to be rid of, let me know!
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
ugh!
moving sucks. for people who are pack-rats, who are NOT clutter-free individuals, who are not in any way neat-freaks, it REALLY REALLY SUCKS. and each time i start the moving/cleaning/packing process, i think to myself "next place i live, i will devote myself to cleaning often to make life easier." but it never actually happens. so, the living room and dining room are clutter free (except for those huge fucking boxes of books and movies to put into storage). what's left?
kitchen
bathroom
computer room
kiddo's room
storage closet
our room
basement
garage
yeah, i'm REALLY glad i just made that list. looking at that list certainly doesn't make me want to put my head through the wall or anything.
kitchen
bathroom
computer room
kiddo's room
storage closet
our room
basement
garage
yeah, i'm REALLY glad i just made that list. looking at that list certainly doesn't make me want to put my head through the wall or anything.
what i won't miss about home ownership
that's right. we had a whole clogged pipe situation. which dustin handled with the greatest of ease.
i handled it a different way.
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
and in the midst of all this shite...
i find that i have the most amazing, wonderful, supportive friends EVER.
don't think that i don't know how lucky i am, because i do.
don't think that i don't know how lucky i am, because i do.
the times, they are a-chaingin'
i just received a really nice email from my dad.
and after much consideration, dustin and i have decided to sell the house. it'll be an ASSLOAD of work, but the important thing is that we will still have a roof over our heads, abbey will still be a happy, healthy, wonderful kiddo, and dustin and i are doing better than ever. these are the important things to keep in mind.
and you can also bet your ass that if any of you know how to paint, scrub, sand or haul, i'll be calling you for help.
and after much consideration, dustin and i have decided to sell the house. it'll be an ASSLOAD of work, but the important thing is that we will still have a roof over our heads, abbey will still be a happy, healthy, wonderful kiddo, and dustin and i are doing better than ever. these are the important things to keep in mind.
and you can also bet your ass that if any of you know how to paint, scrub, sand or haul, i'll be calling you for help.
Monday, March 27, 2006
i need ideas, people!
i have vanilla, sugar, flour, eggs, oil, etc.
i lack butter.
what can i make?
(besides a trip to the grocery store.)
i lack butter.
what can i make?
(besides a trip to the grocery store.)
well SCREW YOU then!
call received from book place -- looks like they want someone with "more" book publishing experience. (i have none.)
well SCREW YOU. i don't want to be a part of an organization whose only purpose is to fund missionary training -- which i don't agree with anyways.
so THERE. nyah nyah nyah.
*weeping*
but i have an interview on friday at a different place. and besides the fact that they want someone with a degree (i have none except my degree in KICKIN' ASS AND TAKIN' NAMES) i might have a shot with my sparkling personality.
fuck, gotta remember where i left that sparkling personality.
well SCREW YOU. i don't want to be a part of an organization whose only purpose is to fund missionary training -- which i don't agree with anyways.
so THERE. nyah nyah nyah.
*weeping*
but i have an interview on friday at a different place. and besides the fact that they want someone with a degree (i have none except my degree in KICKIN' ASS AND TAKIN' NAMES) i might have a shot with my sparkling personality.
fuck, gotta remember where i left that sparkling personality.
being a girl is tough sometimes
i'm not a really really hairy person, but i have had it pointed out to me that yes, up close, you might be able to see some peach fuzz on my upper lip. when this was pointed out to me more than once, i decided it was time to buy something.
and then it makes you look like this:
but here's the rub: IT DIDN'T FUCKING WORK. so i guess if my goal was to make my skin red and irritated, it worked like a charm! sadly, i still have a bit of fuzz.
and that hissing noise? why, that's the sound of my self-respect, making a hasty retreat.
and then it makes you look like this:
but here's the rub: IT DIDN'T FUCKING WORK. so i guess if my goal was to make my skin red and irritated, it worked like a charm! sadly, i still have a bit of fuzz.
and that hissing noise? why, that's the sound of my self-respect, making a hasty retreat.
another day, another five job applications
that's right, i'm applying for five (5) jobs at the u of m. none of which have anything to do with my current field, but what the hell do i care?
and another place called me for a possible interview, so i need all available fingers crossed. no, really, i do.
and another place called me for a possible interview, so i need all available fingers crossed. no, really, i do.
Sunday, March 26, 2006
is there something wrong with me?
because i'm wondering. because everyone in the free goddamn world likes "desperate housewives," and you know what? i don't think i really like it. teri hatcher looks like the joker. in fact, everyone except felicity huffman looks pulled taut, wth the exception of eva longoria, and that's only b/c she's a biscuit older than i am.
however my main gripe isn't that they are all botoxed. i just don't ...get it. maybe i should just be really glad that there is anything on tv that is not reality tv at this point. maybe there are very wealthy housewives who feel as though they have been forgotten by the entertainment industry, and this is their outlet, their voice.
then again i just watched disc 1 of 2 of "newlyweds," so who the hell am i to talk?
here are some pictures from this weekend. good times all around.
here is dustin playing with (getting ass kicked by) some kiddos.
my usual quest to find a way to take a picture where my eyes are actually open.
my two older sisters and i doing our best "charlie's angels."
however my main gripe isn't that they are all botoxed. i just don't ...get it. maybe i should just be really glad that there is anything on tv that is not reality tv at this point. maybe there are very wealthy housewives who feel as though they have been forgotten by the entertainment industry, and this is their outlet, their voice.
then again i just watched disc 1 of 2 of "newlyweds," so who the hell am i to talk?
here are some pictures from this weekend. good times all around.
here is dustin playing with (getting ass kicked by) some kiddos.
my usual quest to find a way to take a picture where my eyes are actually open.
my two older sisters and i doing our best "charlie's angels."
Saturday, March 25, 2006
a very very busy weekend already ...
... but sunday promises to be COMPLETELY EVENT FREE. nice! we've been busy with many kiddo-related activities... school functions, theater classes, visits with relatives. so busy, yes, but also fun. tonight's activities for me included watching dustin get pummeled by some kids. but they ganged up on him 4 to 1, so he fared pretty well, all things considered.
am currently chillin' like a villain at a sister's house while dustin and my brother in law fight on the bridge on the river kwai -- or pretend to on ps2. ahh, fighting nazis while drinking beer, just as it really happened, i'm sure.
things i'm hearing at the moment:
"ahh! i'm gettin' shot already."
"was that me?"
"no, that's me."
"it's not going so smoothly."
yes, JUST like it really happened.
might catch "syriana" at the cheap theater this weekend. will definitely read some more of laurie notaro (thanks, jege!) and rot my brains with the sims characters. i think i'm going to create a character and make him or her self-sabotage in ways i usually reserve for myself... is that living vicariously through sims? perhaps.
my sister and husband have a large boxing type apparatus in their basement. like a weeble wobble for grown ups and i LOVE IT. now, i'm a lover, not a fighter, but i'll tell you what: it felt mighty good to toss out some punches and kicks to that thing.
even though the last job was fairly evil, i do miss the afternoon walks in downtown and am thinking i need to kick myself in the arse to start walking again. sure, it was only a total of 20 minutes or so a day, but i feel all lethargic and puffy, things i didn't feel (as much) whilst doing a daily walk. crap, i guess all that talk about how exercise is "beneficial" might be true.
i am not a difficult person to entertain, but walking is SO FUCKING DULL. we have a lake not too far from our house (in the land of 10,000 lakes? wha?) but i have yet to get over there and join the ranks of the healthy and self-disciplined.
more things i'm hearing:
"no grenades. hmm."
"there is a prison over there. jeez! that guy's tough!"
"there's some stuff here if you need it."
and my eyes are beginning to close which can only mean one thing: if i don't sleep soon i may involuntarily drop to the ground and pass out from exhaustion, just like the sims do.
naptime.
am currently chillin' like a villain at a sister's house while dustin and my brother in law fight on the bridge on the river kwai -- or pretend to on ps2. ahh, fighting nazis while drinking beer, just as it really happened, i'm sure.
things i'm hearing at the moment:
"ahh! i'm gettin' shot already."
"was that me?"
"no, that's me."
"it's not going so smoothly."
yes, JUST like it really happened.
might catch "syriana" at the cheap theater this weekend. will definitely read some more of laurie notaro (thanks, jege!) and rot my brains with the sims characters. i think i'm going to create a character and make him or her self-sabotage in ways i usually reserve for myself... is that living vicariously through sims? perhaps.
my sister and husband have a large boxing type apparatus in their basement. like a weeble wobble for grown ups and i LOVE IT. now, i'm a lover, not a fighter, but i'll tell you what: it felt mighty good to toss out some punches and kicks to that thing.
even though the last job was fairly evil, i do miss the afternoon walks in downtown and am thinking i need to kick myself in the arse to start walking again. sure, it was only a total of 20 minutes or so a day, but i feel all lethargic and puffy, things i didn't feel (as much) whilst doing a daily walk. crap, i guess all that talk about how exercise is "beneficial" might be true.
i am not a difficult person to entertain, but walking is SO FUCKING DULL. we have a lake not too far from our house (in the land of 10,000 lakes? wha?) but i have yet to get over there and join the ranks of the healthy and self-disciplined.
more things i'm hearing:
"no grenades. hmm."
"there is a prison over there. jeez! that guy's tough!"
"there's some stuff here if you need it."
and my eyes are beginning to close which can only mean one thing: if i don't sleep soon i may involuntarily drop to the ground and pass out from exhaustion, just like the sims do.
naptime.
Friday, March 24, 2006
sometimes she lets loose...
... she puts on dustin's hat and coat and dances around while listening to music. and when she sings while wearing headphones, she has NO IDEA how loud she really is and it just kills me. she is to be adored.
yay for sisters!
i get to see my oldest sister this weekend. hurrah! (that's not to say she's "old," but she's the first born, thus being the "oldest.")
today is one of those days where it will prove to be busy on a constant basis: lots of kiddo-related things going on in the next 24 hours that will keep me behind the wheel of a car pretty much all day today. but that is alright, because SHE ROCKS.
the teacher is going to handle the bully situation.
and that just makes life a little bit easier in these troubled times.
today is one of those days where it will prove to be busy on a constant basis: lots of kiddo-related things going on in the next 24 hours that will keep me behind the wheel of a car pretty much all day today. but that is alright, because SHE ROCKS.
the teacher is going to handle the bully situation.
and that just makes life a little bit easier in these troubled times.
Thursday, March 23, 2006
grrrrrrrr......
my daughter is very cool. she is very kind, sticks up for kids who are picked on even if she gets grief for it.
now my cool, sweet, sensitive kid has been sitting across from a bully in her homeroom. and she has to sit next to him at lunch. fucking assigned seats. this has been the umpteenth day that there have been waterworks on account of this little fucker.
so i've just bad-assed an email to her teacher asking that this be changed.
but if i catch sight of that little creep when i pick her up tomorrow... maybe i should wear a shirt that shows my mean lookin' tattoos.
fucking bullies.
now my cool, sweet, sensitive kid has been sitting across from a bully in her homeroom. and she has to sit next to him at lunch. fucking assigned seats. this has been the umpteenth day that there have been waterworks on account of this little fucker.
so i've just bad-assed an email to her teacher asking that this be changed.
but if i catch sight of that little creep when i pick her up tomorrow... maybe i should wear a shirt that shows my mean lookin' tattoos.
fucking bullies.
i can't believe i forgot to post this!
this was another goodie i discovered for dust's birthday. kiddo is watching it right now (out of sheer fascination of that era, i think)and i made the comment, "so the next time you feel left out by your friends, just remember that at least you don't have to live in a bubble."
she stared at me for a moment, ate a tortilla chip, and went back to watching the movie.
i think i made an impression on her.
Bible Lesson #1
[this is the beginning of a series of lessons gleaned from the book purchased for dustin, "the great bible question and answer book."]
What excuse did Adam and Eve make for eating the forbidden fruit?
When Adam and Eve heard the Lord walking in the garden that evening, they hid from Him. But God called to Adam, and asked what he had done. Adam blamed Eve: "The woman gave me the fruit from the Tree of Knowledge, so I ate it."
What do we learn from this?
That even in the beginning, there was the same freakin' double standard there is now! BLAME THE GIRL!
Let's switch the roles...what do we think would have happened if ADAM had eaten the fruit?
Adam: Dude, I totally snagged a piece of fruit!
God: Righteous! *high fives Adam*
next lesson: Where did Jesus eat the Last Supper (and why wasn't it at the Olive Garden)?
What excuse did Adam and Eve make for eating the forbidden fruit?
When Adam and Eve heard the Lord walking in the garden that evening, they hid from Him. But God called to Adam, and asked what he had done. Adam blamed Eve: "The woman gave me the fruit from the Tree of Knowledge, so I ate it."
What do we learn from this?
That even in the beginning, there was the same freakin' double standard there is now! BLAME THE GIRL!
Let's switch the roles...what do we think would have happened if ADAM had eaten the fruit?
Adam: Dude, I totally snagged a piece of fruit!
God: Righteous! *high fives Adam*
next lesson: Where did Jesus eat the Last Supper (and why wasn't it at the Olive Garden)?
statcounter: the good, the bad and the unnerving
i don't think i like statcounter anymore. sure, i like seeing how many hits i get, where they are from, etc. what i don't like is becoming obsessive about it and checking and re-checking how many times my blog has been linked to from a google search of a name.
a name that i have removed from my blog entries.
i can't control who sees my blog, that's the risk i took with putting it all out there for the world to see.
however i'm increasingly uneasy with my blog being linked to that name.
i should explain. a little.
a couple of years ago i was having a tough time. i go through that every few months, it's just a part of who i am. but things were pretty rough at one point and i decided that i was sick of keeping everything to myself, tired of being so fucking ashamed. so i put a name out there.
maybe i was, deep down, hoping it would reach out to other people who weren't old enough to say or do anything, like i was. unfortunately that was not the case.
now i've removed that name -- not because i'm ashamed -- but because i'm doing what i can to no longer associate this blog with that particular name.
however my blog can still be found with that name, and i'm not sure how to make that go away.
so this name which i wish -- more than anything in this fucking world -- i could forget (after it took so long to recall) is something i see EVERYTIME i check my statcounter.
so maybe it's time to bid a farewell to statcounter?
a name that i have removed from my blog entries.
i can't control who sees my blog, that's the risk i took with putting it all out there for the world to see.
however i'm increasingly uneasy with my blog being linked to that name.
i should explain. a little.
a couple of years ago i was having a tough time. i go through that every few months, it's just a part of who i am. but things were pretty rough at one point and i decided that i was sick of keeping everything to myself, tired of being so fucking ashamed. so i put a name out there.
maybe i was, deep down, hoping it would reach out to other people who weren't old enough to say or do anything, like i was. unfortunately that was not the case.
now i've removed that name -- not because i'm ashamed -- but because i'm doing what i can to no longer associate this blog with that particular name.
however my blog can still be found with that name, and i'm not sure how to make that go away.
so this name which i wish -- more than anything in this fucking world -- i could forget (after it took so long to recall) is something i see EVERYTIME i check my statcounter.
so maybe it's time to bid a farewell to statcounter?
but is my blog HOT? is it? is it?
see links at right.
yep, i signed up to see if my blog is "hot or not." so you better not hurt my blog's feelings, or it'll have a guy named Guido after you.
yep, i signed up to see if my blog is "hot or not." so you better not hurt my blog's feelings, or it'll have a guy named Guido after you.
oh, i'm THAT kind of a killer.
"Your style of killing is spur-of-the-moment killing. You use whatever you have on or near you to take the fucker out!"
what kind of a killer are YOU?
what kind of a killer are YOU?
ahh, sweet sweet insomnia.
that's right... waking up pretty much every hour, on the damn hour.
so what's a girl to do? why not BLOG?
(*wipes eyes, sits for a moment, and realizes that she has nothing of interest to blog about.*)
crap.
so what's a girl to do? why not BLOG?
(*wipes eyes, sits for a moment, and realizes that she has nothing of interest to blog about.*)
crap.
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
fuck! i really AM evil!
| You Are 76% Evil |
 You are very evil. And you're too evil to care. Those who love you probably also fear you. A lot. |
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
what would jesus do?
it looks like jesus would ask me back for a second interview in the coming days. i'll keep this blog posted.
singin' and whatnot...
so last night we went out with friends to celebrate dustin's birthday a couple of days early.
sarah and andy were nice enough to provide us with snacks.
that's right, he dances.
and he raps.
don't worry, the pregnant lady is drinking NA beer.
our heads look a little large here.
i have the cutest sister ever. now only if she'd only blog...
aww, darling terry. (who promises he'll sing next monday night.)
paul is such a fuckin' rock star.
sarah makes a mean chocolate cupcake.
and if it appears that she is marching to "yellow submarine" in this photo, she is.
sarah and andy were nice enough to provide us with snacks.
that's right, he dances.
and he raps.
don't worry, the pregnant lady is drinking NA beer.
our heads look a little large here.
i have the cutest sister ever. now only if she'd only blog...
aww, darling terry. (who promises he'll sing next monday night.)
paul is such a fuckin' rock star.
sarah makes a mean chocolate cupcake.
and if it appears that she is marching to "yellow submarine" in this photo, she is.
getting ready...
... for my job interview this morning. it includes a personality profile and i thought it best not to ask, "which personality would you like to profile first?"
last night was a good time indeed! photos to come later in the day.
now i have to go put on my "hire me!" face.
last night was a good time indeed! photos to come later in the day.
now i have to go put on my "hire me!" face.
Monday, March 20, 2006
by golly...
i've got a job interview tomorrow a.m.! hurrah! it's for a page layout position with a publishing company. a publishing company that, based on what they publish, could offer a nice little touch of irony in my life. because i don't have enough of that.
keep the fingers crossed. momma needs a new pair of shoes!
keep the fingers crossed. momma needs a new pair of shoes!
opinions, please!
bar boots!
Originally uploaded by kllnin.
am i too old to be wearing boots of this nature out to a bar? or to anywhere? is nearly 31 years old the line in the sand for semi-gothy boots that make me far too tall but are surprisingly comfortable?
i need thoughts, pronto!
oh, i see how it REALLY works.
i've played the sims with both male and female characters.
i think we all remember trudy, who lived with dudley the total freaking slob who complained that she was always in a bad mood but she had NO TIME to do things she enjoyed b/c she was always cleaning up his stupid trays of grilled burgers.
a couple of nights ago i create mitchell. and i played them the EXACT same way and you know what? he got TWO promotions right off the bat and he is way easier to not only get into a good mood but to keep in a good mood. AND he got to go to the club right away, whereas it never even became an option for trudy because she was too cranky.
i think sims is saying that girls are harder to maintain, harder to make happy and keep happy.
i also that sims is calling me fat behind my back.
i think i need to stop playing for a while.
i think we all remember trudy, who lived with dudley the total freaking slob who complained that she was always in a bad mood but she had NO TIME to do things she enjoyed b/c she was always cleaning up his stupid trays of grilled burgers.
a couple of nights ago i create mitchell. and i played them the EXACT same way and you know what? he got TWO promotions right off the bat and he is way easier to not only get into a good mood but to keep in a good mood. AND he got to go to the club right away, whereas it never even became an option for trudy because she was too cranky.
i think sims is saying that girls are harder to maintain, harder to make happy and keep happy.
i also that sims is calling me fat behind my back.
i think i need to stop playing for a while.
trent reznor was right!
autolux is a great band. i'm really enjoying them right now. it was a little hard to really give them a good listen at the xcel center when they opened for nin, but this is good stuff.
yesterday was spent reading the fifth harry potter book. why? wanted to give it that old college try (said the eighth-year senior) and i think reading a book BEFORE you see the movie enhances things a bit. i couldn't quite get through even the beginning of the fourth book, as it was toooo formulaic and i could not stand any more exposition. fuck that shit. the fifth kind of gets into the meat of it without explaining the main storyline for 200 pages. so then i cracked into book six and i'll probably burn through that today.
in addition to job hunting, that is. still waiting on word for an interview, so we'll see what happens with that.
will be working on some comics today. maybe some sketches. should be a good day for it. tonight? KARAOKE. that's right! time to sparkle.
yesterday was spent reading the fifth harry potter book. why? wanted to give it that old college try (said the eighth-year senior) and i think reading a book BEFORE you see the movie enhances things a bit. i couldn't quite get through even the beginning of the fourth book, as it was toooo formulaic and i could not stand any more exposition. fuck that shit. the fifth kind of gets into the meat of it without explaining the main storyline for 200 pages. so then i cracked into book six and i'll probably burn through that today.
in addition to job hunting, that is. still waiting on word for an interview, so we'll see what happens with that.
will be working on some comics today. maybe some sketches. should be a good day for it. tonight? KARAOKE. that's right! time to sparkle.
Sunday, March 19, 2006
what a great fucking blog!
props to leingirlz for introducing me to jurgen nation. it completely kicks ass and here are a couple of my favorite phrases of the day:
"his cloven-hoovian depravity"
"anise-tasting Mephistopheles"
"scream, motherfucker. Nobody is here to help you."
genius, i tell you. i want to be more like her.
"his cloven-hoovian depravity"
"anise-tasting Mephistopheles"
"scream, motherfucker. Nobody is here to help you."
genius, i tell you. i want to be more like her.
Saturday, March 18, 2006
one of those freakin' days...
... where i'm irritable for really no reason at all. a day where i'd kind of just like to spend the day in bed, watching movie after movie and surrounding myself with fluffy blankets and squishy pillows. it's tough when a feeling like this stems from ... nothing much at all. maybe it's just been a stressful week.
on the upside, i've received a voice message from an area publisher who would like to talk to me about a page layout job, and they might be calling me back this weekend, so i could potentially have an interview lined up this week --- YAY! but let's just say that my blog of eternal damnation and hell-fire would not earn me any points at this place of employment. i'll fill you in more as the situation progresses.
on a final note for right now, i did a spellcheck on this post and when it flagged "freakin'," it's first suggested word was "foreskin." too funny.
on the upside, i've received a voice message from an area publisher who would like to talk to me about a page layout job, and they might be calling me back this weekend, so i could potentially have an interview lined up this week --- YAY! but let's just say that my blog of eternal damnation and hell-fire would not earn me any points at this place of employment. i'll fill you in more as the situation progresses.
on a final note for right now, i did a spellcheck on this post and when it flagged "freakin'," it's first suggested word was "foreskin." too funny.
Friday, March 17, 2006
kids are hilarious
watching the nephews today and watching "e.t." with them. one is seated in a lego bin. i wish i could sit in a lego bin.
Thursday, March 16, 2006
props to ashley for a thought-provoking post about women
ashley wrote a post that made me think about how i see myself. i know that i, along with countless others, have measured our own self-worth by how much we weigh, if we fit into that certan size, etc. there was a time that i thought i didn't deserve certain boys simply b/c i didn't think i was "hot" enough to be with them.
and those thoughts still haunt me to a certain extent. yes, i'm glad i've lost some weight recently, but i'm well aware that the manner in which i did it was not in the most healthy way (i.e., feeling like your heart has been ripped to shit will take away your appetite). and i would never ask for that again. however i don't think this weight loss has made me a better, smarter, more interesting person. even in my svelte high school days, i yearned to be smaller, prettier, more waif-ish.
you know what? i've NEVER been a waif. i'm NEVER going to be a waif. i'm nearly five foot eleven. i don't weigh 115 pounds (i may feel okay with myself, but i still don't disclose weight. see how i am?). in short, i'm never going to be a hardbodied sexpot hottie. but i reckon i'll be just fine with that.
losing weight -- for me-- reduces the risks of all those bad things that are so freakishly predominant in my family (you'd think we'd all been exposed to radioactive toxic waste).
but i'm always very, very careful about how i talk about it around my kiddo, because there doesn't need to be another girl in this world brought up to think she's not thin enough.
fuck that shit.
and those thoughts still haunt me to a certain extent. yes, i'm glad i've lost some weight recently, but i'm well aware that the manner in which i did it was not in the most healthy way (i.e., feeling like your heart has been ripped to shit will take away your appetite). and i would never ask for that again. however i don't think this weight loss has made me a better, smarter, more interesting person. even in my svelte high school days, i yearned to be smaller, prettier, more waif-ish.
you know what? i've NEVER been a waif. i'm NEVER going to be a waif. i'm nearly five foot eleven. i don't weigh 115 pounds (i may feel okay with myself, but i still don't disclose weight. see how i am?). in short, i'm never going to be a hardbodied sexpot hottie. but i reckon i'll be just fine with that.
losing weight -- for me-- reduces the risks of all those bad things that are so freakishly predominant in my family (you'd think we'd all been exposed to radioactive toxic waste).
but i'm always very, very careful about how i talk about it around my kiddo, because there doesn't need to be another girl in this world brought up to think she's not thin enough.
fuck that shit.
a blog worth looking into
more bitching and whining about snow
the idea of snow falling softly upon the ground and covering everything in sight is nice and all, but that romanticized notion does not include needing to run to the store to buy bread, or having a half-hour journey to a kid's school in the early morning -- therefore i am sick of snow.
however the dog seems not to mind as much. then again the dog eats kleenex and anything that chocolate may have been wrapped in, so her standards aren't as high as mine.
and this is just a nice picture of the boy sleeping next to kiddo.
however the dog seems not to mind as much. then again the dog eats kleenex and anything that chocolate may have been wrapped in, so her standards aren't as high as mine.
and this is just a nice picture of the boy sleeping next to kiddo.
the beginning of the new look for prozac
this is my new marketing scheme. no longer will prozac be thought of as medicine for weak-willed pussies with no control over their emotions. gradually prozac will be thought of as the BADASS medication.
more to come.
so tired of snow i could just spit
but if i did spit it would just freeze into a little spit puddle in the snow. and that means i'd slip on it and hurt myself without any health insurance to speak of.
because that is just how things work.
am planning on spending the day playing "simpson's road rage" with the daughter and the dustin today.
am sadly realizing that i'm too tired to be clever in blog format. must give self time to wake, ingest some orange juice, some frosted shredded mini spooners (poor man's mini-wheats) and a few prozac.
maybe prozac is the source of all my clever power. they should advertise it with that angle.
"Not enjoying life like you used to? Sleeping too much, or not enough? Not as clever as you'd like?"
PROZAC! THE CLEVER DRUG!
because that is just how things work.
am planning on spending the day playing "simpson's road rage" with the daughter and the dustin today.
am sadly realizing that i'm too tired to be clever in blog format. must give self time to wake, ingest some orange juice, some frosted shredded mini spooners (poor man's mini-wheats) and a few prozac.
maybe prozac is the source of all my clever power. they should advertise it with that angle.
"Not enjoying life like you used to? Sleeping too much, or not enough? Not as clever as you'd like?"
PROZAC! THE CLEVER DRUG!
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
another one? sheesh.
looks like we'll be hit with another snow day on thursday. four to eight inches? yeah, i'm not leaving the house.
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
where were you 10 years ago today?
i was in the maternity ward experiencing pretty active labor. just before midnight the nicest man ever came in to administer the epidural, and then i slept from midnight until the morning of the 15th when i had my kiddo.
10 years.
it's pretty astounding that someone so cool, so interesting, so amazing and so beautiful came from me in any way whatsoever. and she's definitely a product of her environment -- she looks at imdb.com for fun, she was interested in monty python at a very early age (she still loves john cleese the most) and she made a tom waits puppet a long time ago.
10 years. it's alarming to think how fast this has gone by. it's scary to think that the tough stuff is really only beginning --- middle school, boys, driver's ed, boys, curfews, part-time jobs at crappy fast food joints, boys. but it's going to be so cool at the same time. and i'm so, SO lucky that she is really just the most incredible creature i could ever encounter. for as much as she can push and challenge me, what she makes me feel inside knows no bounds whatsoever.
10 years ago i was so much a child, in biological age and in so many other ways. it was definitely a tough pregnancy -- get pregnant (relatively) young and then you find out who your real friends are, believe me. and doctors are able to scare you with every term in the book (amniotic band, spina bifida, etc).
in hindsight, so glad i had her when i did. i think i've written here before that i'm completely certain she saved my life, and has saved it a million times over. and someday she'll appreciate the fact that she has a mom with tattoos (even though now it may irritate her to no end), a mom who has no problem taking her to concerts (unless it's gwen stefani -- then she's on her own). when she finishes high school i will have just turned 39 years old. i think i'm just fine with that.
when we first brought her home to our campus apartment and gave her the first bath at home, her hair stuck up like the hair on a chimp's head. it was then she was first referred to as "monkey," something that still sticks today.
when she yawned as a newborn, she would stiffen up her whole body and then, at the end of the yawn, she would triumphantly kick out both of her feet. it just destroyed me.
new baby smell.... sigh.
10 years. and i'm a better person for it.
10 years.
it's pretty astounding that someone so cool, so interesting, so amazing and so beautiful came from me in any way whatsoever. and she's definitely a product of her environment -- she looks at imdb.com for fun, she was interested in monty python at a very early age (she still loves john cleese the most) and she made a tom waits puppet a long time ago.
10 years. it's alarming to think how fast this has gone by. it's scary to think that the tough stuff is really only beginning --- middle school, boys, driver's ed, boys, curfews, part-time jobs at crappy fast food joints, boys. but it's going to be so cool at the same time. and i'm so, SO lucky that she is really just the most incredible creature i could ever encounter. for as much as she can push and challenge me, what she makes me feel inside knows no bounds whatsoever.
10 years ago i was so much a child, in biological age and in so many other ways. it was definitely a tough pregnancy -- get pregnant (relatively) young and then you find out who your real friends are, believe me. and doctors are able to scare you with every term in the book (amniotic band, spina bifida, etc).
in hindsight, so glad i had her when i did. i think i've written here before that i'm completely certain she saved my life, and has saved it a million times over. and someday she'll appreciate the fact that she has a mom with tattoos (even though now it may irritate her to no end), a mom who has no problem taking her to concerts (unless it's gwen stefani -- then she's on her own). when she finishes high school i will have just turned 39 years old. i think i'm just fine with that.
when we first brought her home to our campus apartment and gave her the first bath at home, her hair stuck up like the hair on a chimp's head. it was then she was first referred to as "monkey," something that still sticks today.
when she yawned as a newborn, she would stiffen up her whole body and then, at the end of the yawn, she would triumphantly kick out both of her feet. it just destroyed me.
new baby smell.... sigh.
10 years. and i'm a better person for it.
losing my soul, one sim at a time
so i've recently been given a copy of Sims Breakin' Out to help ease the pain of unemployment. to preface this, i should note that i applied for several jobs today before my three-hour sims extravaganza. and in these three hours i began to HATE the character i created. her name is trudy. she's a little bit gothy. she has a job (which is more than i can say for myself) and a few computer-generated friends. her first roommate mimi was fine, but then she moved in with dudley and he is such a slob. but you know what? sims people leave dirty dishes on the floor. and then they have about six seconds before they pee on the floor. and dudley keeps telling her she stinks (and i bathe her plenty!) and he never cleans up after himself and then makes fun of her when she looks tired! and she doesn't have enough time in the day with her job and cleaning up after his lazy surfboarding ass to actually bathe and sleep and then she just passes right out wherever she happens to be!
and she can never get into a good enough mood to get a promotion at her job, so she can't afford to get her own place. and i try, i really really try to help gothy trudy as best i can..but it's never good enough.
i'll just have to try more tomorrow! after i apply for more jobs, that is.
and she can never get into a good enough mood to get a promotion at her job, so she can't afford to get her own place. and i try, i really really try to help gothy trudy as best i can..but it's never good enough.
i'll just have to try more tomorrow! after i apply for more jobs, that is.
Monday, March 13, 2006
spring? nope. not yet.
it would appear it's a snow day at home for me and dust. crap... i think we're short on supplies. may have to eat one of the pets.
Saturday, March 11, 2006
march: month of the birthdays
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY OLDEST SISTER!!!!
i love you!
and thanks for always letting me tag along to the record store with you when i was little, even if it was to buy all those air supply and dan fogelberg albums.
i love you!
and thanks for always letting me tag along to the record store with you when i was little, even if it was to buy all those air supply and dan fogelberg albums.
i found another old journal! rock on!
this is from...maybe 1999?
there exists a thin line somewhere in the mind. it can curve, twist, even wrap around itself 600 times, but it's always there. on one side of this line (not the left or right, that doesn't matter when you're there because there is no left or right or right or wrong or wrong or correct or to err or to whimper or to starve or to feast or to move) there is the picture you see when you idealize you yourself others him her them and the grass is always green and there are no mosquitoes or gnats waiting above grass level to strike at your perfectly sculpted/tanned/shaved calves. on this side you see the other only in brief moments and glimpses of what a scream looks like coming from a mouth -- how the tongue reacts to a sound flying up from that spot in your stomach that burns when you haven't eaten all day and the caffeine-laden soda threatens the tender stomach lining and the tongue stiffens and dries like a piece of old meat accidentally left on the butcher's knife. and that side you see occasionally but only in glimpses.
you toe the line. you flirt with the notion of overstepping the line like you're a drunken prom date. you know you see yourself through the exhaust fumes and smog that exist on that side. you stare at yourself, barely recognizing yourself because on this side you never bleed and you speak only in whispers and guffaws at a dinner party. that side that side that side things are not so clean. things muddle up and become loud and the pots and pans are always clanging around the kitchen and waking the cats out back and all the neighbors peer out their windows and stare from their martha stewart kitchens and gucci shirts and they sigh and say poor poor head so noisy not normal like us in our martha stewart kitchens and our gucci shirts.
on good days things are soft things are quiet like a dentist's office waiting room, the silence occasionally broken by a shriek that everyone pretends they didn't hear.
(and now, after reading it and typing it, i wonder if maybe i was a little bit drunk when i wrote it. hmm.)
there exists a thin line somewhere in the mind. it can curve, twist, even wrap around itself 600 times, but it's always there. on one side of this line (not the left or right, that doesn't matter when you're there because there is no left or right or right or wrong or wrong or correct or to err or to whimper or to starve or to feast or to move) there is the picture you see when you idealize you yourself others him her them and the grass is always green and there are no mosquitoes or gnats waiting above grass level to strike at your perfectly sculpted/tanned/shaved calves. on this side you see the other only in brief moments and glimpses of what a scream looks like coming from a mouth -- how the tongue reacts to a sound flying up from that spot in your stomach that burns when you haven't eaten all day and the caffeine-laden soda threatens the tender stomach lining and the tongue stiffens and dries like a piece of old meat accidentally left on the butcher's knife. and that side you see occasionally but only in glimpses.
you toe the line. you flirt with the notion of overstepping the line like you're a drunken prom date. you know you see yourself through the exhaust fumes and smog that exist on that side. you stare at yourself, barely recognizing yourself because on this side you never bleed and you speak only in whispers and guffaws at a dinner party. that side that side that side things are not so clean. things muddle up and become loud and the pots and pans are always clanging around the kitchen and waking the cats out back and all the neighbors peer out their windows and stare from their martha stewart kitchens and gucci shirts and they sigh and say poor poor head so noisy not normal like us in our martha stewart kitchens and our gucci shirts.
on good days things are soft things are quiet like a dentist's office waiting room, the silence occasionally broken by a shriek that everyone pretends they didn't hear.
(and now, after reading it and typing it, i wonder if maybe i was a little bit drunk when i wrote it. hmm.)
fucking influenza
we had to postpone her bday party, how sad is that? poor kiddo is really wiped out. a nasty bug, that flu.
Friday, March 10, 2006
updates and more
jege has been good enough to add some images to the then check out the Mock Jesus site, so be sure to take another look!
kiddo home sick from school today. there is also a school bully who has been giving her grief and NOTHING pisses me off like someone bothering my kiddo.
i'm trying to teach her methods of dealing with him that are civil when every fiber in my being wants to tell her to kick his ass. so we're using the method of humor. for instance, when he says "booo!" to her in gym class when they are all running a race, she can sarcastically say "oh THANK YOU! I REALLY appreciate your support!" when he talks to her in class about how he's glad she'll be at his same school next year so he can pick on her, she should reply "thank goodness! how could i EVER go to school without YOU picking on me? my life has meaning again!" and when he takes her stuff from her desk she can say "oh good, i was HOPING AND PRAYING that you would be good enough to touch my belongings!"
what i'd like to be able to tell her what to do in that last example:
"if you take my pencil again, you pathetic waste of dna, you will find it embedded in your ocular cavity."
hang on -- someone from social services is at the door.
kiddo home sick from school today. there is also a school bully who has been giving her grief and NOTHING pisses me off like someone bothering my kiddo.
i'm trying to teach her methods of dealing with him that are civil when every fiber in my being wants to tell her to kick his ass. so we're using the method of humor. for instance, when he says "booo!" to her in gym class when they are all running a race, she can sarcastically say "oh THANK YOU! I REALLY appreciate your support!" when he talks to her in class about how he's glad she'll be at his same school next year so he can pick on her, she should reply "thank goodness! how could i EVER go to school without YOU picking on me? my life has meaning again!" and when he takes her stuff from her desk she can say "oh good, i was HOPING AND PRAYING that you would be good enough to touch my belongings!"
what i'd like to be able to tell her what to do in that last example:
"if you take my pencil again, you pathetic waste of dna, you will find it embedded in your ocular cavity."
hang on -- someone from social services is at the door.
Thursday, March 09, 2006
deleted posts
i have just deleted some posts from about a year and a half ago. why? because i need to protect myself and someone is starting to creep me out a little bit. might even change the blog address, who knows. if that happens, i'll alert all of you individually.
now i'm off to see a temp agency for a new gig. it's magic time.
now i'm off to see a temp agency for a new gig. it's magic time.
i grow wire
i'm no spring chicken -- i'm on the verge of turning 31 and i've had some grey hairs for quite a few years. however this is the first crazy wire hair i've seen sprout forth, and it's too funny not to share.
dig that shit.
dig that shit.
thirsty for some fire and brimstone?
then check out the Mock Jesus imagery, created by dustin and myself!
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
new game!
last time we took the train back from minot, we borrowed some of the fine literature from the sad little amtrak depot. following are some passages from these books that i have chosen by simply opening the book. this one comes from the harlequin american romance series entitled "Studs: The Marrying Type."
They stood facing each other in the amber light. The air was scented by he dense bouquet of white lilacs on the table, and by the salty sea aroma wafting in through her open windows. Steve's eyes reminded her of the sea, green and gray and full of life.
"Are you hungry?" she asked.
"Starving," he whispered, lifting her back into his arms and kissing her, feasting on her, devouring her. She sank against his chest as her entire body responded to the onslaught of his kiss. No other man's kissing had ever turned her on so thoroughly. No other man had ever made her so eager to abandon herself to him.
It took forever to get the shirt open, forever to reach inside and feel the sleek, hot skin of his chest, the flexing muscles along his rib cage, the taut surface of his abdomen.
i think we know where it goes from here, heaving bosoms and whatnot.
They stood facing each other in the amber light. The air was scented by he dense bouquet of white lilacs on the table, and by the salty sea aroma wafting in through her open windows. Steve's eyes reminded her of the sea, green and gray and full of life.
"Are you hungry?" she asked.
"Starving," he whispered, lifting her back into his arms and kissing her, feasting on her, devouring her. She sank against his chest as her entire body responded to the onslaught of his kiss. No other man's kissing had ever turned her on so thoroughly. No other man had ever made her so eager to abandon herself to him.
It took forever to get the shirt open, forever to reach inside and feel the sleek, hot skin of his chest, the flexing muscles along his rib cage, the taut surface of his abdomen.
i think we know where it goes from here, heaving bosoms and whatnot.
really, really trying to be motivated to clean house
so i put on some music to inspire me to get out of this throne of slack i currently keep warm and to clean the house. the music? a little ol' johnny cash. the song that came on first in itunes? his cover of "hurt."
yeah, THAT will make me feel upbeat and positive.
but here is a funny picture of dustin filled with rage.
sort of filled with rage. mostly b/c i kept saying "dustin, make that rage-filled expression!"
yeah, THAT will make me feel upbeat and positive.
but here is a funny picture of dustin filled with rage.
sort of filled with rage. mostly b/c i kept saying "dustin, make that rage-filled expression!"
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
