definition of tragedy

saturday morning. don't need to be up for a few hours. child still soundly asleep. I CAN'T FALL BACK TO SLEEP. crap crap crap crap crap.

today we'll be at my sister's to celebrate birthdays for two of her boys --- looking forward to seeing the kiddos.

i really want to fall back to sleep, but my brain is too wide awake. and i have this allergy thing, where i feel like i am stuck in that "right about to sneeze" feeling.

we are having some friends over this weekend -- must tidy up the house a wee bit, repair some spots on the couch where the dog's nails have made a hole or two, you know, just the usual stuff.

i was just about to erase everything i've written before this and start over. fuck it. i can't be interesting or funny or quirky or even half-pleasant all the time. this time, i will have a bland post. and that will just have to be okay with everyone. i will continue to speak of mundane things -- my cats being loud, the laundry i've not finished, the cleaning and cooking i need to get done for sunday's get-together -- and i'll just have to be fine with that.

i read in a blog a little while ago, someone joking about needing to snort some coke off of a hooker's ass (funny David!) -- and now that has me wondering how that whole idea started, b/c it's not the first time i have heard that joke. was there one person who first thought of the idea, "hey! what's more taboo then renting a hooker and snorting coke? SNORTING COKE OFF THE RENTED HOOKER'S ASS!" are there people, right this very second, snorting coke off of an ass? how comfortable does one have to be with their body to allow snorting to happen on it. show of hands: how many of you would allow anything to be snorted off of your ass? then again, i suppose if you are comfortable with being rented for sex, maybe you are plenty comfy with your ass being used as a tray. maybe the world would be a better place if we could all feel that comfortable with our bodies. not for use with drugs, mind you, but just being able to have a body part in plain, well-lit view and be totally comfortable with that.

i don't know where that came from.

in college i wrote a column for the school paper entitled "Things I Think About Late at Night." usually it touched on the mundane, the everyday, the trials and tribulations of a mother/wife/college student/wannabe writer, but every now and then it would hit on something political, and once i wrote about how the state of ND was going to pass legislation that i felt was hate-filled -- basically it made it legal for the state to NOT recognize homosexual marriages that we legally performed in a different state. it passed and i was plenty upset about it, and then i began receiving hate mail. i remember i received a an anonymously typed bible passage on a freakin' post-it note (was i not good enough for a whole piece of paper?) and then a fake dollar bill with clinton's face on it was included in the envelope -- the dollar was called a Clinton Queer Three Dollar Bill. i'm not surprised that there are morons like this, that there are cowards who send mail like this to people -- but i was disturbed that this lunatic now knew where i lived...with my very young child. gross.

my daughter wants to be in theater. and as a former theater kid, i'd love to see her do it. and it got me thinking about the plays i've been in. which i shall now list:
grade 2
Peter Rabbit --- cast as Peter's Mother
grade 4
Little Miss Christie --- cast as some random, four-line delivering person
grade 4
A Christmas Carol --- cast as some random, walk-on kid
grade 6
Sorcerer and Friends -- the good fairy (don't laugh! i was a GREAT good fairy!)
then, after a brief hiatus to have a nervous breakdown, to be in pom-pom and volleyball....
grade 10
Just So Stories -- Mother Jaguar (it was children's theater, for pete's sake)
You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown -- Patty
grade 10 summer
Baby -- cast as Mommy (do you see a theme running here?)
grade 11
The Apple Tree -- total walk-on, no lines casting
A Doctor In Spite of Himself -- Lucinde
grade 12
Fiddler on the Roof -- Chava

then i stopped doing theater at the high school b/c the director was a total bitch.

then i picked it up again in college, mostly doing black box/student written and directed stuff.

i think about doing it again sometime, but i don't think i've the time -- any time i don't work and i have the kiddo home, i want to be with the kiddo. that's that way it works.

i've now been posting for a half-hour. i could try to fall back asleep, but i don't think it's going to happen unless i have a little one-on-one time with Prince Nyquil, so nevermind. maybe i'll watch a movie. ooh! x files. that would be PERFECT. i heart you, mulder!