Saturday, June 20, 2009

a day with family

so we met up at my kid sister's apartment complex today. also joining us was one of my older sisters and her four kids ... swimming, grilling hot dogs (go hebrew national!) and just hanging out.

at one point we were leaving the jacuzzi room and oskar was sitting in the floor, playing with some goggles. not wanting him to chew on them, I took them from his hand and gave him something else instead. that totally pissed him off and he pulled his usual "training to be 2" stunt -- forcefully pushing himself backward while sitting.

at home with carpeting this isn't usually an issue. in a room with ceramic floor tiles, it was a very big deal, as the back if his head slammed. it was so loud and I instantly picked him up as he screamed and I ran into a different room, feeling the back of his head for any blood, fractures, etc.

holy fuck. that's all I can think to say ... holy fuck. luckily my older sister is well-versed with what to do about head bumps -- 3 of her 4 kids are boys -- so she told me what to do (nurse immediately to calm him) and what to watch out for (puking, walking wobbly, uneven pupils, etc).

(thanks, aim!)

he calmed down really quickly and just nursed and nursed. i, however, wanted to puke. I kept thinking how should have expected him to do that, I should have let him hold the freaking goggles until we were safely standing.

once he was up and running around I excused myself to the bathroom and promptly cried my eyes out.

there is no end to the worry/guilt/pain when your kid is hurting. no end at all.

so so tired from today. must sleep

Thursday, June 18, 2009

movies i wanna see...

How to Be
robert pattinson and his accent. yep, i'm there.

Shutter Island
the idea of mental hospitals intrigues me. who knew?

not my usual type of movie, but i dig bruce willis in some stuff. and he looks like a badass in this one.

Away We Go

i should be more excited about this, but it just appears lackluster.

dental day

reason for visit (among others):
tooth broken to nearly nothing

fear of dentist: worried they will tell me I have the world's worst teeth.

broken tooth (third from back lower jaw) beyond repair, remnants to be removed next Tuesday (at 100% coverage!)

other issues:
small cavity in lower back molar (100% coverage!)

down the road a bit:
crown on a different lower molar left (60%... boo)
crown on lowar molar right that could, if I wanted, have a bridge attached to fill the gap left by current broken tooth. or just leave that space open forever (not visible). or get an implant to fill space (pricey!).

who really gives a rat's arse about my
little dental laundry list??? no one except my brain, who is now happy bc it's on "paper" and therefore out of my head, and now I can nap.

then there is something else swimming around. neither here nor there, a nap might help that one, too.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

I need to make friends with a dentist ...

who wants to do free of charge work on my teeth out of the goodness of his/her heart.

any dentists wanna be friends? I'd be a GREAT before/after candidate!


Sunday, June 14, 2009

another one? it's a Christmas miracle!

by "Christmas" I mean "late spring" and by "miracle" I mean ... actually that's pretty much the bestcword for it.

I'm feeling drab. like nothing of interest comes out of my brain to spew out as pearls of wisdom, wit or anything else starting with a w.

I feel like I am irritating to people. the things I say, the manner in which I react. and I so, so tire of feeling this way. I want to have days where I don't misinterpret a glance as a glare.

I can sort of summarize my thoughts right now as falling into the category of "aftermath." without getting too specific, it's been a challenging year on many fronts. and while I perform extraordinarily well under pressure (dun dun dun dadadun dun), I tend to melt down and fall to pieces after things settle down. I ignore my own well being for so long that when I come back to it, I don't know where the fuck to start.

2:23 am and need sleep. it's just time.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

my friend brent has started a blog...

and i know it'll be ass-kickin' great! just check out the early stages for yourself.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

by god, i'm about to post a real post.

and it's bound to be a biggen, too!

i'm pondering how some days click, yet a few hours later it feels as though every little thing is conspiring to make you weep big fat crybaby tears (a look that i misinterpret as irritation combined with the cat's loud-ass meowing that is driving me nuts AND waking the oskar combined with everything else that nags at my innards).

and it's not one single event, that pushes you over the edge, it's juts a build-up of crapola.

i'm also pondering how i always get away from blogging b/c of some other internet distraction -- youtube, facebook, twitter -- but then i come crawling back to this blog like a filthy little cheater, and this blog always takes me back.

so now i return again, proverbial hat in hand, a sheepish look on my face. "will you take me back ... again?" i ask, waiting for a smackdown. but here i am, back again and typing my little fingers off. at least until oskar wakes up.

back to the evening of conspiratorial events/noises/thoughts/ideas/expressions. i know i take my medicine everyday to keep me even-keeled, yet it was just a night that i felt like i hadn't taken them. mix that with just a dash of what felt like day two of nicotine withdraw (mind you, it's been two and a half years) and you have a saucy little recipe for crazytown! wheee!

god, i missed this blog. i feel like much of the stagnant, overripe crap that's been sitting around in my brain like a clogged sinus passage has finally begun to leak out.

blogging = decongestant?

i like working out now, that's something new. not for the sake of getting into shape, weight loss, etc. (although that would be a nice bonus), it's for stress relief. and judging by my mood tonight, it's been too long since i've done it. when at home i use the nifty Wii Fit provided by my husband on my 34th birthday -- that's what i used tonight. when at the gym i use the elliptical machine (while watching Superbad/Firefly episodes/other Judd Apatow goodies on my iPhone).

well now i've become that person who talks about working out. yeah, that's exactly who i want to be.

note to self: workouts after 10p.m. might be a bad idea, considering i'm WIDE FREAKING AWAKE (albeit, in a much better mood).

time for solitaire.

an attempt at blogging ...

before oskar is in bed. he just tipped over. try again later.

he tipped over b/c he was walking around with his eyes squinted shut. not the smartest thing to try, but so, SO cute.

a sorta blog post