Thursday, July 29, 2004

smoking ban...

okay, since everyone else in the damn free world has put in two cents about the smoking ban issue, i figured i ought to drop my pennies in the bucket:

i'm trying to quit. that mean, roughly, that i'm not smoking whole cigarettes and not buying them everyday. i know, i know, i wrote a whole damn bit in this very blog about "just quitting" and "being done" and i'm a f**king traitor to myself, really.
but i'm actually kind of glad that i will go to a bar somewhere and not be able to smoke. i'd really like to make this quitting thing stick at some point.

the last time that i quit smoking entirely lasted four months and only stopped when i began frequenting a bar where smoking is almost required (c.c. club). and although i know that i am ultimately at fault for starting again, it would have been way easier to not smoke had i not been surrounded by it.

so that's my two cents.

Wednesday, July 28, 2004

my poor, poor tooth...

got to a dentist today. well, a dental school, actually, and apart from being a little sore from novacaine shots (albeit very welcomed novacaine shots), i'm doing much better. had some sort of prep work done for the eventual root canal in september. ick. so nothing like a day full of novacaine and that nasty, "i've just had latex gloves and needles" flavor.
"hellboy" has been on for only a few minutes and i love it already. except for this cover of "red right hand" that should have been left to nick cave.

Tuesday, July 27, 2004

f**king toothaches

my tooth is causing pain like i've never, ever known; and i've had a child, folks, i've given birth, so when i use the word "pain," it isn't being used lightly.
just tried a homemade mouthwash of water and tea tree oil. tastes horribly but is taking the major sting out of it. my dental insurance won't kick in until monday, so i have to suck it up a little bit until that time.
on the plus size, down about five pounds and an inch in the waist. that's pretty boss.
but my tooth really f**king hurts. craaaaaap!

jem is truly outrageous. truly truly truly outrageous.

an usher video is on...."confessions" and in one part of it he took a brush out and brushed his hair and five o'clock shadow. hmm. that's a from of self expression, i guess. as is the removal of his shirt. and now there is a musician named "jem." and i guess she's truly outrageous. truly truly truly outrageous.

herbalife update for those who care:
okay, so according to my measurements on the 25th, i've lost an inch in my waist and five pounds already. water weight? who knows. but it's pretty cool. word. and i by no means expect to look like a supermodel or anything, but a couple sizes smaller in jeans? kick ass.

Monday, July 26, 2004

dustin's play

here's a link for dust's play at this year's fringe festival:
buy your damn tickets now!

Saturday, July 24, 2004

a good time had by all

tonight was a bbq night at the velasquez's place -- tom and laura (erickson) -- twas a good time, indeed. lots of good eats, some good funnies, a couple of dogs running around (one of which was very interested in abbey; as sarah montgomery said, "he's humping! he's humping!") and so many flowers. laura kicked ass in doing her garden, whereas my gardens are just filled with weeds, dead flowers and the occasional bloom that i had nothing to do with.
green thumb on my hand? more like a blackened, knarled stump. i've never really cared about gardening, but when you have a house i've found that it looks a bit white trash to just have weeds and dead flowers. all we're missing now is just a car up on blocks and maybe a sink in the front yard.
so tomorrow begins the "only one actual meal per day" deal. i'm fairly optimistic about it.
target shopping list:
measuring tape
whisk or mixing device for drinky meals
grocery store:
vanilla soymilk

the cosby show. cliff huxtable sweaters are like nothing i've seen since, well, the cosby show era, really.

time for bed. maybe. i'll try. i'll give it that old college try (said the eighth-year senior).

herbalife: test run

yay! it came in the mail today! hurrah! i've already pretty much had my first two meals of the day, so my official start day will be tomorrow. but i'm trying one now and it tastes way better than slimfast -- less watery, and you can just kind of tell by the consistency that there is more protein in it. so tomorrow i'll do a before picture, weigh myself, take measurements, etc etc. and we'll see what happens.

how completely boring these posts may become.

bud and lou

"this paper with the arabic writing on it. what more evidence do we need?"

(is this a quote from our president?)

actually i'm watching (bud) abbott & (lou) costello in "abbott and costello in the foreign legion."

i love this.
and what they find is actually an arab laundry ticket. so our president has the common sense of fictionally simple characters? oh god, what if this is what he watched for research, in addition to the movie "dave" -- what have i stumbled upon this midnight hour?

probably one of my all-time favorite abbott & costello flicks is "hold that ghost." my sister always wanted to watch it and i'm sure i used to bitch and whine and pretend to resent it at the time (b/c that's the behavior of a teenage girl), but i always really liked it. still really like it. costello makes a panicked, wheezing noise whenever he is scared or hurt -- as though he's completely incapable of forming any sort of sentence.

funny things about my sister:
-- whilst watching lassie, she would sit through the end credits when lassie would raise her paw; my sister would then raise her leg in the air.

-- when she was about three she wrote down the lyrics from the middle of the song "kiss off" by violent femmes ("one, one, one cause you left me...") and included illustrations for each one.

-- she sang TLC's "waterfalls" into a tape recorder while listening to it on her headphones. (bram and i found this tape. i never tire of telling this story.)

-- she doesn't drink much, but when she does, she gets "dancey."

-- she and i have somehow honed a skill of thinking up clever advertisements:
"there's nothing funny about orthopedic shoes."
"these aren't veggie burgers!"
"everyone's a rock star at the mall of america."
(these are only funny if: 1. you know the background of the story; and 2: you are me or meg.)

-- whenever i would go out with my friend amy lein, her sister, jen, would pick me up en route to dakota square or cine 5 or whatever; meg would want to go along sooo badly that we would have to disguise our plans; i would be calling the "weatherline" (amy) and then i would find out that it would be "snowing at our house in 15 minutes,"(they'd pick me up) and so on and so forth.

tangent: funny! a large fish just attached itself to costello's finger!

will be entertaining the child a great deal this weekend, which means, ultimately, i'll be forced to sit through hillary duff's "a cinderella story." with any luck (?) i can find "garfield" at a cheap theater and pay rock bottom prices to see bill murray's self respect disappear.

no luck. garfield was so wrong that even the cheap theaters didn't want it. it's not even at the brookdale cheapo dive theater. however "ella enchanted" is, and that might be my ticket away from hillary duff.

or mean girls. really funny. surprisingly funny and enjoyable, but who doesn't like seeing the popular girls' asses get kicked? probably the popular girls, i suppose.

do you think the once popular high school girls are watching this movie, feeling sympathy for the "mean girls?" or do they think "was i that kind of a miserable, torturing cuss in high school?" or do they think "i wish i could have been that thin in high school when i was popular." or maybe even "i wish i could go back in time: i'd work harder to be that popular." or maybe they are in "mean girl" denial, "i was never THAT bad. i only gave bleeding wedgies once or twice."
and now my eyes are beginning to cross and close unvoluntarily. that can mean only one thing: not enough crack.

wait. i mean sleep. i need more sleep. less crack, more sleep. (i should cross-stitch that on a blanket or something.)


Friday, July 23, 2004

weird day at byerly's

so i gave 10 bucks to a woman outside of byerly's today who had appeared to have been beaten up. some so-and-so guy hit her, dropped her at the grocery store, wouldn't come to pick her up and is with her kids at home. she didn't have money to get a cab. was i a schmuck? i don't know. i just gave her 10 bucks in the hopes that:

1: i'm not a sucker (see aforementioned blog on "one born everyday");

2: she's not out drinking away that 10 bucks (which is actually what i would have done with it);

3: even if i am a sucker, there will be some sort of good karma for me (even if i don't know if i believe in karma; finding a big bag of money might make me a believer).

i asked her if she had talked to the police and she said she had, but also adding the statement "but i'm black."


i asked dustin if i did the right thing. he said yes. i felt a hell of a lot better, b/c i just said "here, take this, get a cab, get your kids."

i suppose one of these days i'll finally crush that blood-leaking heart of mine. can't help it, i guess.

on a completely different topic: what's worse? having the "titanic" song in your head b/c of a damn on hold system, or whitney houston's "how will i know?" in your head b/c of a blog comment? THANKS, DAVID.
(of course, i remember requesting that very hateful song to KHIT 97 when i was in very young.)

Thursday, July 22, 2004

what hell is this?

i'm on hold, trying to contact the company about the warranty on our house. there is "on hold" music. it's celine dion singing that effing song from "titanic."
help me. i am in hell.

Wednesday, July 21, 2004

there's one born everyday...

i'm a sucker.


okay, so in three weeks i'll be wearing smaller jeans!
okay, i should preface (or, as meg says, PREE-FACE) this a bit. for a long time i've not been, well, as svelte as i'd like to be. but sadly i'm lazy, weak-willed and generally lethargic. i have problems with instant gratification -- i.e., not seeing results of working out soon enough, so i have a hard time staying with any programs.
it used to be that i would look at a picture of me and think, "wow, i don't see myself as being that big."
now i do see myself that way. and it is making a completely miserable existence. so i'm starting a quickstart plan from herbalife and if even half of what i hear from other users is true, i'll be very happy.

hurrah for dustin! hurrah for weight loss products that work! so we just ordered the plan from herbalife and i'm really excited about it -- i'll have to give up the cola (which will be tough) but it will be so worth it. i'm very very optimistic about it. which is saying a lot since i'm not optimistic about much else.

and this is totally off the topic, but out of all the crappy remakes i've ever heard in my damn life i think that sheryl crow's cover of "sweet child o' mine" is easily the most horrible.

another off the topic: i want to visit ikea. i think i may have been bitten by the ikea bug, and the only cure? a big bag of money.

not so much for me, b/c all that damn swedish furniture is pretty light in color and i personally prefer the darker wood, but they have such great stuff for a kid's room, and my kid will hopefully have some of that as well.

so once my order comes in the mail (from illinois), i'll be keeping the whole damn blog community up to date (because i'm hoping to bore the hell out of everyone, i guess).


Tuesday, July 20, 2004

can't stop blogging!

don't know how to feel about people who talk about themselves as "mommy and daddy" to their damn pets. pretty sure i don't like it, though.

and i seem to have something negative to say about everything tonight and, for some reason, i can't help but share that bitching with all of blogland. is it hormonal? psychological? genetic? all of the above?

ahhh...the west wing. martin sheen as commander-in-chief is soothing.
maybe i should just write him in this november. no, i won't. but i'll bet some people will.

and for those of you who have and admit to watching the sci fi channel, on the evening of the 23rd there is a pretty cool and spooky documentary on m. night shyalaman -- "the buried secret of m. night" or something like that. check it out. it spooked me last night a great deal.
but i'm also a bit of a weenie, so maybe it's going to be rather anticlimactic to others.

colin quinn, burn in hell.

i'm sick of colin quinn AND his damn show. he's not funny. his opening monologues are excruciating to watch at best. he's not bright. and he doesn't let anyone finish a sentence. ugh...and yet i watch. another train wreck i can't quite get past. but i love those moments that his guests tear him a new "a-hole."

i want to shout, i want to exclaim at the top of my crusty, blackened lungs, "shut up, quinn! you are not a funny person! you should have stayed on that remote control show!"

remember him on that show? he perhaps should have been swallowed up into the reclining chairs, never to darken the comedy central doorstep again.

although now i'm thinking about his tour of duty on SNL, and i remember when norm mcdonald was canned and colin quinn was given the weekend update slot. and his deadpan was funny when he didn't have to come up with his own jokes.

but this is excruciating. just painful. only whiskey can numb this sting now....


where did my day go?

i was considering doing some weeding in the garden behind the house. now all of a sudden it's after 10 p.m. and dark outside. aww, hell.
the counter-clinton library? is this guy for real? jeez, i hope my tax dollars aren't going toward that. ick. note to self: stop paying taxes.
things i did today:

lunch with lovely sister at the uptown diner. one hell of a tuna melt, folks. and the pecan-covered caramel roll? oy....
mowed the very tall grass in the backyard (in the uber-humidity, no less).
smoked 1/3 of a cigarette (vaguely craving another 1/3).

a shout out to my "peeps" in "sweet home, chicago." word.
you should live here, though. really. no, i mean it. seriously. don't make me kick your arse.

because i can, you know.


Monday, July 19, 2004

a weird reality show

a&e has flung itself on the reality show bandwagon. i just watched a pretty interesting show called Family Plots, about a family that runs a mortuary.
now it's a show called Airline. and people wonder why americans are stereotyped as ignorant bullies: the people traveling on this show prove it! holy crap! people arguing about weather advisories? guess what: an airlines employee tells me that weather can cause a problem at 35,000 feet in the air, i'm going to listen.
ahhh--- the daily show is on. a temporary reprieve from reality shows. wait. it's a news show. okay, a different, better, more enjoyable reality show.
the daily show makes dustin crack up. he's a rather stoic figure at times, so when i see him laugh uncontrollably -- i really enjoy it.
"i'd vote for a kitten!" just came out of my mouth. a daily show sketch where john mccain would replace bush and a kitten would replace kerry. i would vote for a kitten before voting for bush.
funny link:
in case the link doesn't work, check out the june 23 edition of "say something funny."
you won't be sorry.

vulcans? wha?

good ol' todd enlightened me to the existence of "vulcans" who live in the metro area, who are the firetruck-riding hooligans in question. and i ask, what is the purpose of the vulcans? anyone?
in a frenzy of "i need to do something to not think about smoking," i went to the plaza maplewood cheap theater and saw (i  know, i know) "13 going on 30." my 1980s nostalgia got the best of me and, even though it directly stole from "big" (the protaganist standing up in the limo -- or maybe it was a creative "nod"), mark ruffalo is goodness and who can't resist a mob of people dancing the "thriller" dance?
however, liz phair has put the same damn song in yet ANOTHER movie.
i love liz. i love older liz more than new, shiny liz, but i understand that a musician sometimes wants to be popular. i understand that she wants to be able to put her little boy through any college he wants when he gets older.
but "why can't i" has been in THREE MOVIES NOW. it's (i heard) in some mandy moore "how to deal" movie, it was in "win a date with tad hamilton" and now in "13 going on 30" WTF?
and "extraordinary" was somehow on a commercial for the A&E channel. craziness.
what next? pj harvey does a sitcom jingle?


i made soup for lunch. whilst preparing said soup, some spilled on my hand.
i washed my hands with nice smelling soap and water, yet the soup smell remains. how does that happen? why can't i make it go away? i don't want to spend the rest of the day smelling like soup. no good.
think i might put my fist through a window if i don't have a cigarette. i'll have a half.

the bossest mailman ever

my mail delivery fellow was chomping on a cigar whilst delivering the mail. one of those things i'm really glad that i got to see. just think, if i were regularly employed, i would have missed it!
another weird thing to see. the other night dustin and i were on the porch smoking (pre-quitting, mind you) and we heard a vehicle coming from a block away, b/c they were playing their stereo so loudly. when i came by it appeared to be an old firetruck with a bunch of guys hanging onto it, only not dressed like firemen but in weird red outfits. we thought "clan? cult? bachelor party?"
then whilst watching "fahrenheit 451" on turner classic movies yesterday, we saw the SAME DAMN THING, only they were dressed in black. the same effing thing! coincidence?
so we have a laundry drain situation that is keeping me from doing laundry. you know that drain that usually has a hose or pipe connected to the washer? well the drain is clogged. badly. i'm not about to put my delicate hand down there, so i know that a "snaking" procedure is necessary.
anyone have any instructions to give? can i just use a shop vac or something? anyone? should i use drano?
other homeowner dilemmas:
excessive weeds taking over
very old, clogged pipes taking shower water pressure from desireable firehose status to dripping faucet.
leak from under wall when shower is on. not the regular water faucet, JUST when the shower switch is pulled.
thoughts, anyone?

Sunday, July 18, 2004

a little taste of hell

this is an audio post - click to play now you'll know what i was bitching about a couple posts ago...

new cure!

no, not a cure for the pain just inflicted by ashlee's album, but a new damn video from the cure! the song in question is "end of the world." i'll watch and report back shortly...
as an aside, we saw the movie "control room" today. good stuff, and it made me take a few puffs of a cigarette, due to the horrible, sinking feeling about the american media that i left with.
but i digress: the cure. nifty video. nice real-object animation. the brother's quay would be proud. and robert's hair never disappoints.

submit to the pressure of mtv

okay, so after watching enough damn mtv and being pressured into it, i logged onto to hear ashlee simpson's new album. i don't like ashlee simpson. i don't like her show, i don't like the spelling of her name. but i did it anyhow. and as i suspected, tis crap.
song 1: autobiography. instead of saying the word "autobiography" properly, she pronounces it "autobiographay." it makes me want to punch my fist into my throat with one knuckle out.
and instead of "eventually" she says "eventuallay."
basic structure: verse, chorus. verse, chorus. bridge. chorus.
i guess she differs from her sister b/c she kind of writes her own lyrics. (does jessica write her own lyrics? this i don't know...) but jessica's show is more enjoyable to watch, as far as guilty pleasures go.
song 2: pieces of me. wasn't that a jewel album title? ooh, it's like a train wreck.
(however i don't know this from experience, as i've never really seen a train wreck.)
song 3: shadow. oh dear, i smell a ballad coming on. a self-realization ballad, no less.
"it used to be so hard, being me/living in the shadow of someone else's dream..." i don't even need to hear the rest of it.
song 4: la la. that's the title. la la. "you can dress me up in diamonds/you can dress me up in dirt.../i like it better when it hurts." ashlee is sooo bad! "you make me wanna la la in the kitchen on the floor..." what the fuck?
song 5: love make the world go round. oh, a ballad for the boy who broke her heart. "my broken heart just has no use." word, sister.
song 6: better off. "i think of you and everything's alright." no comment.
song 7: love for me. ooh, angry! "next thing you know you'll be using my toothpaste/stay here/get out/everytime i turn around you're in my face."
song 8: surrender. now, i saw the episode when this song was written. silly synth beats and a grrrl-power of pronouncing "yeah yeah..." i'm sure that a great many girls will sing along to that "yeah yeah." i won't, but i'm sure some will.
song 9: unreachable. i don't know how much longer i can do this little task.
song 10: nothing new. much like this song.
song 11: giving it all away. much like my will to live. "hey you, smokin' out your sorrow..."
song 12: undiscovered. like i kind of wish this album would have stayed to me.
holy crap.


i've added one.  so watch your back.

Saturday, July 17, 2004

the nicotine inhaler. sadly missing a little bit of the tough, cool factor usually offered by actual cigarettes. Posted by Hello

Friday, July 16, 2004

spontaneous decision

okay, i'll begin this announcement with a story. we watched adocumentary called "sick" tonight, about the s&m performance artist bob flanagan, who suffered all his life with cystic fibrosis.
(CF, ifyou don't know, is an illness in which your lungs slowly gather more and more mucus and you generally suffocate to death).
in the movie there was also a teenager who also had CF. the documentarians caught up with her a few years after the film was complete. she was married, still sick, but still alive. she mentioned that there was still so much she wanted to do, including have children and raise a family.
after the movie i was smoking on the porch w/dustin and saying how "if i had CF there is no way i'd have kids, b/c i would never want my kids to see me die a slow and horrible death."
then i realized i had a cigarette in my hand.
then i decided that i could just quit.
so i have (again). and i realized also that, the more people i told IMMEDIATELY, the better my chances. so be aware, friends and family, that i may be a horrible bee-atch in the next few days, but w/abbey out of town, the timing is right.
now i'm off to find my nicotine inhaler.

Thursday, July 15, 2004

to sum up: new nin stuff to be released early 2005. soon: closure on dvd and spiral two-disc remastered in 5.1..nice. Posted by Hello

Wednesday, July 14, 2004

Sunday, July 11, 2004

a sign in the lake preston motel. which means, of course, a sign was necessary b/c people actually WERE cleaning fish and birds in the room. Posted by Hello

Tuesday, July 06, 2004

wiping sleep from eyes

just awoke to the alarm clock here in picturesque grand forks, north dakota...a little early a.m. blogging, much as lewis & clark did, i imagine.

funerals? not so much fun. horrible, actually. and i'm sure that for the 99 percent of the people in that church, funerals are a comfort in that they focus on the afterlife, that people live forever with christ after they die.

however for the rest of us (i.e. me, dust, and whoever else), it's more conflicting than that. when my grandad died four years ago, i still felt an inkling of god around, so that was a bit of a comfort. however that has passed in recent years due to a few different things, and so that same comfort in my granny's death just wasn't there. i do believe that it is better this way, b/c she would have had a long road of surgery and pain ahead of her, but from where i am spiritually, i don't see her in "a better place" but just gone. and that's a tough pill to take.

as part of somthing a little less morose from the weekend in south dakota: we stayed in the only motel there, the Lake Preston Motel, which brought about running jokes about heating the jacuzzi and whatnot..however there are several lakes in the area, bring several fishing folk there. in our room (and i'll post the picture i took) there was a sign that asked guests not to "clean their fish or birds" in the motel room, that there was a special area of the motel for that.

which, sadly, means that a sign was necessary to remind people not to do that, b/c people WERE cleaining their catches in the rooms. yuck. also in the room were two framed van gogh prints and a sign advertising a nearby bait shop. you know, just in case.

hoping to leave shortly for minot -- want to get back to see my girl and loaf around dakota square mall. good times. must drop large anvil on dustin's noggin to wake him.

off to find an anvil.

Saturday, July 03, 2004

spiderman kicks total ass!

see it! love it! it kicks ass and takes names!!!

travels, funerals, etc.

okay, so we leave for funeral-type activities in south dakota tomorrow a.m. we are staying at the (insert ironic tone here) fancy schmancy Lake Preston Motel. i'm not planning on finding any little chocolates on the pillow, put it that way.
the "visitation" is sunday afternoon. i'm incredibly melancholy today. had some friends-- jill and mike -- from minot stay over a night on the way back from illinois, and we were discussing kids going to funerals. i heard mike say a great quote that needs to be immortalized in blog-land:
"Funerals combine the shock and sadness of death with the boringness of church."
that says it all.
nice work, mr. mike rose.
so will i be blogging from south dakota? not likely.
however after south dakota we'll be heading to the sister state of north dakota for the rest of the week. minot just screams blogging. it does. you weren't there. i heard it.

Thursday, July 01, 2004

pictures, etc.

it will be sad, going into granny's apartment and her not being there. can't think about it now, the wee lass abbey is still here and it's important to keep it together when she is around. must portray an element of normalcy for the child.
but it still stinks. granny's 85th birthday is july 16. my grandpa cliff died when he was 84, i think, and my other grandma, viola, lived to be 93.
i can't help but think that a child's (adult or young) own mortality seems a little bit closer when the parents have passed.
my granny made these little cookies that are less than an inch long and taste a little bit of cinnamon and i can't remember what they are called. need to find recipes for things like that.
want to have pictures of edna and cliff, some from when they were first married. the older i get, the more important things like that become. when my grandad cliff died i made sure to take a couple of his old hats with me -- i swear, they still kind of smell like the hair stuff that he used.
it will be a night of escapism for moi. some silly horror movies. no alcohol, however. weepiness not helped by alcohol.

and here we have christmas with granna edna. miss you, granny. Posted by Hello

hmm. sad day.

so my 84-year old granny edna died today. she was having heart problems and had a heart attack today. it's crazy, i just talked to her a couple of days ago, i called her when she was in the hospital. i'm glad i talked to her. and i'm glad she didn't have a long, rough go of it like grandpa cliff did with the emphysema (sp?). so funeral to come.
yeah, it's crappy.
and i've only been able to talk to one sister-- can't get ahold of amy and bobbi is in europe. kinda stinky.