Monday, February 28, 2005

for f**k's sake!!!

some bad people need bad things to happen to them. i guess we can only hope for prison justice, right? i hope this bad man drops the soap.

NIN saga, part 2

so tomorrow at 4 p.m., dustin will be sitting at the computer, hopefully accessing the site for the presale tickets for the may 7 show in chicago. i hope. i hope. i
hope.

on a completely unrelated topic i saw ye olde shrink this evening, as i do every monday at 6 p.m. beginning next monday we will start to focus more on what that bad person did and how it has affected and complicated every damn part of my life, in an effort to make it not do that anymore. so yeah, good times all around and my blog will certainly reflect what is going on in that aspect. so that's where that is at.

i think i'll fall asleep watching "garden state" tonight. i like the garden state. i like the scene where largeman tells sam that he likes her-- they have just gone swimming and they are sitting in front of a fireplace. it's very uncomplicated, very simple and well done. that's how girls like to hear it. it was written very well because it seems so natural.

the new job is going pretty well -- i put together a newspaper today (mostly by myself, but with some assistance from coworkers) with not too many pages of editorial (10 or so) and it was done and sent to the printer before deadline (1.5 hours before) so i feel pretty good about that. and now i have three days of ad building and then friday i have a paper all on my own. GULP.

back to the chicago trip in may -- it occured to me that the concert is a mere TWO DAYS before my 30th birthday. 30. and i'm okay with that. i think it has something to do with having a child -- it's a little strange not only being a mother who is younger than most of the moms at her kid's school, but i look very young. i don't look like i'm closing in on 30. i was carded when i went to see "freddy vs. jason." (what's worse? being carded for that movie or actually paying money for it?)

i need to sleep. i need to stay asleep through the night. i need to not wake up at 3 a.m. anymore. i need........................................................

kong


kong
Originally uploaded by kllnin.

my dog loves her treat-filled kong. it makes her flee into her kennel b/c that's the only damn place she gets the kong. but i don't know why they call it a kong.

Sunday, February 27, 2005

YAYYYY!!!!!...oh wait, i'm poor.

NIN will be playing a couple of shows in chicago on may 6 and 7 and, because i've got some instant gratification problems and don't want to wait until trent gets his arse into the twin cities, i'm going to see about making that happen.
big bag of money would do some good right now.
anyhow, extra-special early ticket sales are going to happen and by god, i need to see that freakin' show. it's at the congress theatre -- any idea what that place is like?

trying right now to decide if i'm going to attend an oscars-type party (where i'll know only a couple of the people and therefore will have a moment of anxiety) or just drink wine and eat the best dip i've ever made...hmmm. social vs. antisocial. what's a girl to do?

if there is a god, should i ask him to strike down starr jones? she just asked leo if he became a germaphobe after being in "the aviator." please god, if you are there, strike her down but swiftly.

what a great shot.


res dogs
Originally uploaded by kllnin.

this is the shot i was talking about. the composition in this kicks arse.

since you asked...

11:40 p.m.
"reservoir dogs" is on bravo and everytime i see it, i wonder why i've waited this long to watch it again. i heart steve buscemi.
i've been thinking a great deal about my will power -- or lack thereof -- lately. i'm thinking that i need to push myself to start exercising...
ooh! best scene EVER! the scene where harvey keitel and buscemi are scrapping and they pull their guns on each other and the shot is so freakin' well composed and then mr. blond walks in....i'm inspired to post that image.
okay, exercise. i have a fancy schmancy machine upstairs that i could use, but wouldn't that just be too easy? i need to work on the following idea -- whenever i'm just sitting around and i think, "i should work out," i actually will.
we'll see.... i'd like to be svelte again someday.
11:45. i should go to bed. until my insomnia wakes me at 3 a.m. and i blog some more.

and the night moves on

what a saturday night...drinking white zin and watching "the commitments." and wondering, as usual, if i spelled the word "commitment" correctly. there is a dog next to me, taking up the better part of the couch and snoring. my neck itches. i like thin mints. this blog has no purpose.
and our sunday plans? well we're having a bit of a brunch-type deal at my sister's in eagan...and we allll love going to eagan. but it's good fun to see the kids and now that i'm finally over the flu that was living off of me like a paraside, i can again allow aforementioned kids to chase me down and beat the pulp out of me like they often do. but only because they love crazy auntie kari. kids are great that way.
still not smoking, and today it was evident to all who encountered me (dustin & abbey) that i was cranky, and on the way to take abbey to her dad's, i made some comment about how long i've not smoked and the following dialogue took place:

abbey: mom, do you really really want to start smoking again?

me: um, kind of. i miss it but i don't want to be stuck smoking.

abbey: mom, you don't have to lie, because if you really want to smoke again, you can. i don't want you to be upset.

that kid actually gave me a get out of jail free card for going back to smoking, but i told her that i appreciated the thought, but that i didn't want to start again because i want to be around with her for as long as i possibly can. and how much of an ass would that have made me? "abbey said i could start again if i really needed to, so i did." a huge ass i would have been. so here's to another day of not smoking.

Saturday, February 26, 2005

cookies...cookies...

zach....braff......on.....bravo.....spirit awards....so handsome....so handsome..can't function....

Best First Feature
"Garden State"

nice work, mr. braff. very cool.

so the oscars are tomorrow night and i'm fairly excited to watch b/c i'm not a terribly exciting person and famous people are entertaining. except for starr jones. she should be flayed alive.

david duchovny is on tv now. from zach braff to david duchovny on the screen....nothing is left of my mind.

my oscar predictions

okay, i've not seen many of the movies up for oscars, but i'll go ahead and make some half-assed guesses. not necessarily what i'd personally vote for, but what i think will make the cut:

best film: the aviator (which i heard was beautifully shot and lovely to behold...but horribly, horribly boring. and 5 min. of gwen stefani is 5 min. too many.)

best lead actor: clint eastwood

best supporting actor: alan alda (b/c he's so f**king boss, and the world will finally see that)

best lead actress: hilary swank (but it should be kate winslet)

best supporting actress: hmmm....toss up...probably cate blanchett. (which is fine by me. but i like laura linney. and i like natalie portman.)

animated feature: the incredibles

best director: million dollar baby (i think they'll screw marty again.)

screenplay: eternal sunshine (it better f**king be this)

adapted screenplay: million dollar baby (this will be clint's year, despite rush limbaugh)

visual effects: spiderman 2

if "accidentally in love" wins the oscar for best song, i will vomit.

the funniest thing i've read today.

my sister meg finished an email to me with this:

"talk to you later alligator sistah friend my homie g unit slice with a side of fries or potato chips if you're at one of those places that serves chips instead of fries but not one of those places that wants to be british and serves fries but just calls them 'chips' like with fish sticks or something."


...and i can't stop laughing. i just called to see if she was several sheets to the wind. she is not. she's just tired and therefore very funny. my sister rocks.

Friday, February 25, 2005

horrendous.

when he was on the phone? with a GRANDCHILD in the house at the time? i agree with jege, i don't care how good a writer he was, THIS is just wrong.

Thursday, February 24, 2005

day what?

Quit Date: 1/12/2005 8:00:00 AM
Time Smoke-Free: 43 days, 14 hours, 5 minutes and 18 seconds
Cigarettes NOT smoked: 523
Lifetime Saved: 3 days, 23 hours
Money Saved: $77.40

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

yikes!

THIS was not very far from our house. icky. after work i encountered several roadblocks. dustin had called me earlier to tell me that he saw a couple of armed and helmeted cops with a dog in tow searching around our block. icky. luckily all have been apprehended but i still feel pretty creeped out, esp. with the fact that there are three schools in the area that had to be locked down. city living is wacko.
day one of the new gig was very good -- i like the people and it's always nice working on a mac again. even if it is using quark 4. at least it's not quark 6.
and 13 minutes to get to work this a.m.? KICK ASS!

Sunday, February 20, 2005

THIS BITES.

and no, i'm not just talking about watching "8 mile" on VH-1...but that was a good guess. i'm speaking of NOT SMOKING. (but the performances of both kim basinger and britany murphy are pretty horrible and take the sting out of how shitty i'm feeling.)
and we got a fuckload of snow last night. and i can't stop cussing. at least i don't have a monster commute anymore. that's good. and i have a couple of days to chill before the new gig begins.

Thursday, February 17, 2005

to all decent canadians:

i used to think that, b/c every canadian i knew was a cool, decent person, that most canadians are that way. therefore all the cool, decent canadians i know should make this one give up his canadian citizenship.. and he's earned two mentions in my blog in one day...what a record.

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

a canadian who loves bush

visit THIS fellow and see if he'd be willing to trade citizenships with someone who doesn't have the benefit of canadian health care. yeah, he'll be really glad he said "go bush!" when w. finishes taking us to hell in his own little handbasket.

terror status: f**ked

did you know you can have the color coded terror alert status on your blog? visit the following link if you are interested:
http://www.terror-alert.com/
i don't know if it'd be funny or weird to do it, so i'll be a follower and see who bites first.

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

VISIT THIS SITE NOW

maybe you've all seen it already, but THIS is new to me and it's F-U-N FUN! in fact, the following audio post will be an example of what fun really is!
this is an audio post - click to play

Monday, February 14, 2005

happy valentine's day!


happy valentine's day!
Originally uploaded by kllnin.

here's a little something i threw together for dustin's card. i'm such a softy!

Sunday, February 13, 2005

jennifer grey should have left her nose alone

so i've turned the channel to the USA network and what do i see? let's just say that i'm like the wind, and i've had the time of my life with my hungry eyes.
so what did this movie achieve for girls all around the country? it made girls want to dance across narrow bridges across streams and practice lifts up in the air of muscular men. but it did coin the phrase "nobody puts baby in the corner," so let's thank them for that.
i'm jonesing for mexican food. and a cool coca-cola (product placement). how can i make that happen? who can make mexican food magically appear on my porch? probably the same people who can make a bag of money magically appear in my hand.
oh, jerry orbach! sweet jerry orbach, we miss you! the stern, protective father figure to jennifer grey's "Baby." the clever, witty det. briscoe on "law & order," especially the one where he used the phrase "punchin' the clown."

me and the sister


me and the sister
Originally uploaded by kllnin.

awwwww....no place says family togetherness quite like the cabooze bar. isn't my sister cute?

Saturday, February 12, 2005

one month


one-month
Originally uploaded by kllnin.

i got a certificate from quitplan for not smoking one whole month! woo hoo! and i don't miss is terribly this very minute b/c i'm fighting off a nasty head cold.

funny site!

when drifting through blogger sites, you come across people who find sites like THIS. love it. live it. praise uncle jesse.

Friday, February 11, 2005

a day of "rest"

well abbey had the sick this morning, so a trip to the doctor's office and several hours later, we're just chillin' like villains.
why do i say that? i'm neither chillin', nor am i a villain.
anyhow, abbey is feeling a little bit better, my eyes have healed up a bit and i'm wearing the contacts, and it's the weekend. hurrah!
and the plan for ze veekend?
well, my friend reed is in the White Iron Band, and they have a CD release party lined up at the cabooze tomorrow night. and on sunday i'll spend a good portion of the day regretting all the second hand smoke i'll take in from the cabooze, without actually taking in any first-hand smoke.
tomorrow will be 31 days without smoking. one month. i'm half way to my shuffle.
oh! i was offered a job from the good folks at white bear press -- and i've accepted it, especially since it's only 10 freakin' miles from my house. JOY! no more horrendous commmute! i'll miss the nice folks i work with currently, but this commute is slowly sucking my life away. i don't like that a bit. so i'll be doing two weekly papers a week, and the other three days a week i'll be working on ads. nice! the pay is less but the driving is WAY LESS, so that is high on my list right now. i begin on the 23rd of february.
and there's always a huge amount of stress involved with a new job, b/c i'm horrible at meeting people, i'm horrible at "fitting in" the way employers like, and i'm just generally self-conscious.
but i'm fast at layout, and isn't that more important that being liked? kinda.

Thursday, February 10, 2005

madness!

THIS reminds me of the Cabbage Patch Doll Craze of '84...

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

i saw an idea for a post on a random blog, and now i've stolen it.

"post a memory you have of me. anything at all. good, bad, ugly. i don't care if we never talk or if i saw you five minutes ago."

bring it.

and, as an added bonus, i'll follow your comments with memories of my own. isn't that nifty, interactive fun?

one less bag of money to find

remember how all i needed was to find a big bag of money?
well HE beat me to it. nuts.

gross.

my eyes are icky today. and now i can't wear my contacts for a few days. nuts.

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

what a long fucking day

i can't believe it is only six minutes past four. holy crap. and i have nothing more to add to my lame post.

Monday, February 07, 2005

no glasses!


no glasses!
Originally uploaded by kllnin.

i've got no glasses on! yet i can see! and i can again wear a hat and not look like a fool! good luck getting this hat off of my head...

dustin & jack


dustin & jack
Originally uploaded by kllnin.

here's dustin with my wee nephew, jack.

i touch my eyeballs

it's true: i have contacts..woo hoo! and holy crapola, it took a really long time to get the freakin' things in. i'm all thumbs, really. so i celebrated by buying a delightful hat for THREE BUCKS and it looks neat. especially sans glasses. i'll post a picture of the best hat EVER very soon. and then i'll post items of substance. promise.

cat sans tail


cat sans tail
Originally uploaded by kllnin.

this is crookshank (maybe). he has no tops to his ears and is missing all but four inches of his tail, i'm guessing due to frostbite. he was found close to 94 near st. cloud and rescued by our friend, mary. he is now slowing becoming healthy at our house. sad kitty, but happy to be out of the snow.

Friday, February 04, 2005

the funniest thing i've written today

i commented in a blog on leingirlz3 today, regarding the horrible phrase, "it's all good." and this is what i wrote. and it made me giggle so much i'm posting it here to toot my own horn:

"nothing is all good. even when it is good, the statement "all good" makes it bad. if you have to say "it's all good," obviously it is not. otherwise you would not have to state the obvious. unless you are a superhero and your only power is, in fact, stating the obvious. and for that i salute you, captain obvious."

i'm so lame. but it made me giggle.

the funniest thing i've read today

this from jege of lein girlz3:

"...my intense hatred for the lemon-fresh pledge-iness of ginger. It's tied with the soapy, food-contaminating, detectable-even-in-1-part-per-billion vileness of cilantro."

perfect.

soothing vs. not soothing

a person once said to me that the sound of a metal slinky was soothing. to that person i say that the sound of a metal slinky could throw another person into a homicidal rage. especially if that person was weening herself off a nicotine patch.
that is all.

add on to my list of things i detest

i'm so tired of gwen stefani and her crappy image that is EVERYWHERE. i shall boycott "the aviator" solely on the fact that she is in it for two minutes.

this man is crazy

HOLY CRAPOLA.

stealing from jege

props to the lein girlz site for this idea: things that i don't like.

1. clowns. not terribly original, but there's probably a reason that gajillions of people find clowns to be creepy, disturbing and sad. and that was before tim curry was "pennywise."

2. cilantro. i'm right there with you on this, jege -- it's fucking wrong and i'm sick of being told that i haven't "given it a chance." i gave it a chance...it gave me a mouthful of vomit. screw you, cilantro!

now because of the "garden state" soundtrack i'm listening to and how dreamy it is, i'm inspired to list things i like:

1. abbey. the only truly good thing to result from my existence. i think she's got a bit of a cold right now and she fell asleep really fast tonight. but i just stayed to watch her sleep for a while and, every now and then, i can still picture her as a baby, even though she's nearly 9.

2. my flannel sheets. the more i use and wash them, the more comfy they become. they have a floral pattern which usually is not me, but the pattern makes them look like they were found in a grandmother's attic.

3. on the topic of bedding, my blankets. both were made by my granny edna (i miss you, granny) and even though i have plenty of blankets, i feel extra nice with these.

4. dustin -- especially when he laughs at something you would never expect, like a scene in Bridget Jones 2. and when he raps.

5. this soundtrack. although it's not the usual kari-type of music, it's really grown on me. probably has something to do with the fact that i loved the movie.

6. my ibook. sweet, sweet ibook.

7. the idea of having an ipod.

8. the tax return i'll be receiving.

9. my tattoos. except the astrological one on my back. a tattoo at 19 is a mistake, i realize. being a taurus meant a great deal to me then; now it means shite.

10. the first moment after a migraine or a toothache when you realize you are no longer in pain -- how exhilarating that moment is.

11. the cool underside of a pillow.

12. photoshop

blog question: what are your top three favorite things? (list more if you are so inclined.)

Thursday, February 03, 2005

ipod shuffle


ipod shuffle
Originally uploaded by kllnin.

on march 12, this will be mine.

milk & cheese


milk & cheese
Originally uploaded by kllnin.

evan dorkin kicks such ass that he gave me permission to use this image on my site. visit his site, won't you?

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

WHAT?

Blog Poll: How do we feel about THIS?

dental day

today i have to see the dentist because a part of a molar broke yesterday. in my gum. gross. the dreaded "crack" that sounds so very loud b/c it's so close to the ear. so yeah, dentist appointment at 3:30 and, no matter how much i'm not looking forward to being told how horrible my teeth are, i'll pretend to really enjoy being there b/c it would be shite to have a job where you are the most dreaded person to see.
i just spent a moment looking at google images of tooth decay, to prove to myself that i've not the worst teeth in the world. and it would help if my adult tooth in the front right of my mouth would finally grow in and i wouldn't look so much like an old hag. well, at least an old hag with a tooth half-grown in.
abbey got a WOW award today at school, which i'll post a picture of when i get one. she is ADORABLE and i'm so lucky that i'm her mom.
THREE WEEKS TODAY of no smoking. and i'll celebrate that how? with oriental flavor ramen noodles (13 cents!) and a trip to the dentist.
oh, and that little bastard groundhog saw his shadow...another six weeks to go.

i listened to nick coleman's show on air america minnesota this morning (am 950, from 7 to 9 a.m.) and there was a woman who called in to complain that the liberals have to see the other side as "humans, not THOSE people." well you know what? i'm really fucking tired of the liberals being responsible for making concessions to end the divisiveness of the country. we're not moving more left and causing problems, the nutjobs on the far right keep moving and moving the lines around and i'm done being apologetic for the country being divided; and nick coleman is right, we're not angry enough, by any means. and screw you righties who think that we're less moral, who think that it's our fucking job to make amends, b/c we've made enough concessions -- my daughter's school is making concessions, my mom will probably lose her minnesota care (and that's one woman you DON'T want missing her medication) and i'm tired of the liberals being the stupid, spineless doormats for the "moral" majority. when the fuck are we finally going to take the streets and demand that this corrupt shit stop? when will the scary righties be held to the same standard that we are? if we complain about anything, it's "partisan bickering," but when they do it? oh, then it's totally fine. well screw you, b/c if we get blasted for one thing, they should too. a culture of life...indeed. wasn't it estimated that 300 people in MN died last year b/c of health care cuts? so the right says that we need to "respect life," but then it's perfectly fine to screw those who DARE to age, who DARE to get sick? what kind of sick, Darwinian shite is that? the righties (and i don't mean ALL republicans, as even i have family members who claim to be that) care SOOOO much about life in the womb, but a big "fuck you" to anyone outside of it.
wow...all that from one nick coleman show. i like him. my rant is now done. for now.

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

oh danny boy


sweetdannyboy
Originally uploaded by kllnin.

my nephew danny. sweet heavens, he's a doll.

thoughts not for the faint of heart.

i should be asleep right now. not because i've got a curfew and i'll lose my allowance if i don't get to bed on time, but i should really sleep. however, if tossing and turning counted as beauty sleep, well, let's just say i'd be hot. really effing hot.
my dad is far too nice to me and in support of my not smoking effort, he sent me a gift card to take to old navy. i heart old navy and on this particular night i really hearted (what? why can't i speak normally) a trench coat at old navy. i'll post a picture of coat later. anyhow, i haul ass out to the MOA (b/c that's where girls "my size" can get old navy clothing) right before they close and i buy the coat, in addition to a great shirt. a great green shirt. it's a soft cotten hug for my torso.
so the coat, now that i have it home, looks hideous. time for a return. but all this is inconsequential, because i had a very strange, very hypnotic drive to and from the mall, and it made me think.
first i looked at the sky and, with the fog (or the pollution from the pollution warning today) it had a dark charcoal color and the texture was something i'd not noticed before -- it was like you could reach up and touch the sky and instead of feeling vaporous nothingness you'd feel something akin to velvet..but fuzzier. i couldn't stop staring at it and, while going south on 35E, there would be moments where i couldn't see oncoming cars but i could see the faint headlight glow over the median and it was, well, enticing. like i wanted to breathe in was i was looking at, taste it and swallow it down. it looked like what a deep sleep must look like to those who experience it (not me, as i cannot sleep very well).
it's been a hard couple of days and not having that lovely little cigarette crutch has been especially hard. saw the therapist last night and i'm going to make a list of questions that i would like to ask that evil disgusting piece of human garbage back in minot. i always invision myself calling him and running through a list of questions. what would those questions be, my shrink wondered... i'm contemplating...
so, to any of you who know of what i speak, what would YOU ask? can a person like that even be expected to respond in any sort of satisfactory way? even if he swore up and down that he knows he is sick and what he did to me (and god knows how many others), would that ever be enough for me?
my shrink also asked me if i would want him dead. tough call, i replied, but no. isn't that just a little too easy? really, i mean, if i have to suck this crap up for the rest of my existence, never feeling as though i'm going to be okay or be over this, shouldn't he have a little discomfort? oh, that's right, his wife left him (20 years later than she should have)...poor man, how does he deal with that? geez, i'm surprised he doesn't just throw in the towel. that must be WAY worse than...
there are just some times that i think about it more than others.
and it's not even so much that i'm replaying details over in my head, it's kind of an overall picture of how i feel, how i see myself and how i never know if what i'm feeling or seeing is rational. ultimately it comes back to this impending sense of doom, this feeling that my heart is being broken again and again and there is nothing in the world that is going to make me OK.
i'm so tired of wearing this fucking disguise of a functional person. no, i function. i am a good mom. a little high maintenance sometimes as far as girlfriends go. but it's hard to do the day-to-day things when you feel like there is something inherently wrong with you. it's hard to run to the grocery store and buy the eggs and come home and do the laundry and get ready for work in the morning when deep down you know that no matter how many "normal" activities you get done, no matter how many projects are finished at work or how many bills get paid, there will always be something lurking behind you, waiting to pounce.
sweet dreams.

smoking stats

it's been 20 days, five hours, 51 minutes and some 53 seconds since i last smoked. i've not smoked 243 cigarettes, saved $36 and 44 hours of my life.
however i like to think of it as "i'm only 38 days away from an ipod shuffle."