Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Panic and stuff

I need to. my
need mmmmmm brain gets wonky sometimes (wha? since when?) and it can chew me up and spit me out if I don't tend to it. and I need to tend to it more often.

I was talking to my dad this morning and I kinda realized that I'm not so good at remembering to tend to myself - or my brain. i do the basic stuff but it's tough when caring for 2 young kids and a teen, bc it exhausts every ounce of energy and patience you have. and I love my kids more than life itself but I need to do things like REMEMBERING TO EAT.

I've been having some panic/anxiety stuff happening & it's no goddamn picnic. (mostly bc there's no potato salad.) yesterday's brought with it hot flashes - felt like my arms were on fire. awful. scary. so now I'm reading online ways to combat it, to keep it away, to deal with it when it happens. also looking into anxiety meds cause, you know, I don't take enough pills already.

I know, I'm whining. and my iPhone knows it bc there's only 6% of my battery left, so that's my cue for to knock it off.

here's to another day tomorrow that will have very few moments of fear. I'm pretty fucking tired of feeling afraid bc I might feel afraid tmrw.


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