of blogging. i know. i ALWAYS say that. however now it's easier to blog because i've got a handy-dandy laptop to use. we all know i'm lazy, and now you know just HOW lazy.
my son enjoys grape jelly on toast. he's showing me how much by smearing jelly all over his fingers. but then he whines that he's sticky. *sigh*
so yeah, pregnant. pregnant! very happy, yet cautious because if 2006 taught me anything, it taught me that early pregnancy does not equal a viable pregnancy.
so i thought i was six weeks, i am five (i think). i was one of those dorks who had an iphone application that charted my cycles. why? because i wanted to get pregnant and be high-tech at the same time.
then at the end of january my iphone met with an unfortunate ending. then in late february i realized i really really needed the information on that iphone. the iphone that died. and so i guessed.
and i guessed wrong, esp. judging by the state of things on the ultrasound. the ultrasound looks great for a five-week pregnant person, not so great for a six week pregnant person. so i took a second look at my calendar and, by doing a little bit of thinking and remembering where i was at, i realized that i'm at five weeks.
which means all looks to be okay at this point.
another ultrasound on march 15 (my daughter's birthday!) to confirm the viability of the fetus, and if that's good to go, my first actual check up is march 29.
i've had one confirmed miscarriage, a couple suspected, and i don't think i want to go through these much more. really hoping for the best on this one.
oskar is vacuuming the living room. he's been vacuuming the living room for the better part of 20 minutes, but damn it, he's one happy toddler and i have time to blog. vacuum away, small boy. vacuum away.
anyone have any tips for making a child sit in a chair for a haircut at a hair place? you'd think the options they provide at kids' hair would be sufficient: movie, toys, bubbles shot from a bubble air gun... but no. he freaking SCREAMS.
i know he really loves blueberries. can i distract him with berries? that might happen tomorrow. or i might just do it myself as he sleeps and watch in horror as he wakes with an accidental mullet. maybe it's best left to the professionals.
i've long wondered to myself why i never use proper capitalization when i type -- esp. when i blog. it's not emulating e.e. cummings in any way (although i do love me some e.e. cummings), it's not a statement against what has been impressed upon us since childhood. i think it's because i'm LAZY. see? we've come full circle. i'm LAZY.
now he wants to stop vacuuming, but only so that someone else can vacuum and chase him with the vacuum.
i need sleep.
Tuesday, March 02, 2010
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
so sleepy.
so sleepy i could actually vomit from it. okay, not ACTUALLY vomit. but it did cross my mind. but i'm so tired i ache. and i napped today. oskar is playing with the vacuum currently (not using it, but studying it) and now that i look behind me he has disregarded it (it's still on) and is talking to a toy elephant.
priorities.
just shut it off -- he's going to be very, very pissed in a moment. wait for it ...
not so much, pissed, but a bit dismayed.
christ, have i forgotten how to blog? how to create a thought-provoking blog post that brings you back to see what comes next, day after day?
i think i may have.
balls.
priorities.
just shut it off -- he's going to be very, very pissed in a moment. wait for it ...
not so much, pissed, but a bit dismayed.
christ, have i forgotten how to blog? how to create a thought-provoking blog post that brings you back to see what comes next, day after day?
i think i may have.
balls.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Sunday, January 10, 2010
a chalky aftertaste because it's CHALK.
i don't think a child has the right to snub food we make for dinner when he eats chalk every chance he gets. there's my two cents on the topic.
Friday, January 08, 2010
past few days and some thoughts on extended breastfeeding
spent 24 hours in minot -- or rather, in deering at the farm -- while dust had to go to a work thing in minot. even though i wasn't able to connect with my folks or our minot friends, it was a good chance for oskar to have some one-on-one time with dustin's parents. we'll be in minot the weekend of jan. 15 and hopefully we can catch up with everyone that weekend at some central location that we can all get to and have our kids at. ideas, anyone?
on the topic of long-term nursing... (and this is in NO WAY a condemnation of anyone who chooses to bottle feed, this is just my two cents on nursing in general. i'm all about choice on it.)
some people get freaked out by nursing in general, let alone nursing a child how can indicate that he would like to nurse. i don't plan on nursing him until he's in school, but i do kind of follow the mindset that kids know when it's their time to be done. here are a few key things that i like about it (i'm relaying the facts from two different articles) :
• World opinion is on your side. The World Health Organization (WHO) officially recommends mothers breastfeed until three years of age. That's right, THREE.
• For mothers, certain benefits of breastfeeding are cumulative and the longer a woman breastfeeds her children the greater she reduces her risk of developing various diseases. Lactation reduces a mother's risk of developing ovarian cancer, endometrial cancer, uterine cancer, breast cancer and osteoporosis. A woman who nurses her baby for at least a year effectively reduces her risk of developing breast cancer by 11%. If she nurses her toddler through age 2, she reduces her risk of developing breast cancer by 25%. If a mother breastfeeds her children for a cumulative seven years over her lifetime, her risk of developing breast cancer is almost entirely reduced. )
• Studies show that the longer and more frequently a mom nurses her baby, the smarter her child is likely to become. The brain grows more during the first two years of life than any other time, nearly tripling in size from birth to two years of age.
• Breastfeeding is also an exercise in baby reading, which enables a mother to more easily read her toddler's cues and intervene before a discipline situation gets out of hand.
all those are really important points to mention, but here's what i dig: when a baby is, well, a baby, they nurse because that is how they survive. they do it because that's how they are programmed, if you will. then they get older, and some babies wean earlier on their own, and milk supplies don't always cooperate how you'd like them to.
however when they get older and they are still nursing (at which point it's coined "comfort nursing," as it's more for nurturing than nutritional content), they totally get it. you can see how they look at you while nursing and they know it's a really cool, awesome thing that you are doing for them -- and for you, as long as it still works for the both of you.
that's the key point -- it has to work for BOTH mom and baby. and sometimes it won't work out that way, and that's okay, too. this is something that works for us -- largely because i have a schedule that is very accommodating to it.
i know that soon enough -- in the next few months -- oskar will start his own self-weaning process and we'll gradually decrease until we're down to the one comfort nursing time of day -- bedtime. that is the last one to go usually. for now i'm going to enjoy this time while it lasts.
well there it is. there's my GAJILLION cents on how i'm still nursing oskar and i think it's pretty cool.
on the topic of long-term nursing... (and this is in NO WAY a condemnation of anyone who chooses to bottle feed, this is just my two cents on nursing in general. i'm all about choice on it.)
some people get freaked out by nursing in general, let alone nursing a child how can indicate that he would like to nurse. i don't plan on nursing him until he's in school, but i do kind of follow the mindset that kids know when it's their time to be done. here are a few key things that i like about it (i'm relaying the facts from two different articles) :
• World opinion is on your side. The World Health Organization (WHO) officially recommends mothers breastfeed until three years of age. That's right, THREE.
• For mothers, certain benefits of breastfeeding are cumulative and the longer a woman breastfeeds her children the greater she reduces her risk of developing various diseases. Lactation reduces a mother's risk of developing ovarian cancer, endometrial cancer, uterine cancer, breast cancer and osteoporosis. A woman who nurses her baby for at least a year effectively reduces her risk of developing breast cancer by 11%. If she nurses her toddler through age 2, she reduces her risk of developing breast cancer by 25%. If a mother breastfeeds her children for a cumulative seven years over her lifetime, her risk of developing breast cancer is almost entirely reduced. )
• Studies show that the longer and more frequently a mom nurses her baby, the smarter her child is likely to become. The brain grows more during the first two years of life than any other time, nearly tripling in size from birth to two years of age.
• Breastfeeding is also an exercise in baby reading, which enables a mother to more easily read her toddler's cues and intervene before a discipline situation gets out of hand.
all those are really important points to mention, but here's what i dig: when a baby is, well, a baby, they nurse because that is how they survive. they do it because that's how they are programmed, if you will. then they get older, and some babies wean earlier on their own, and milk supplies don't always cooperate how you'd like them to.
however when they get older and they are still nursing (at which point it's coined "comfort nursing," as it's more for nurturing than nutritional content), they totally get it. you can see how they look at you while nursing and they know it's a really cool, awesome thing that you are doing for them -- and for you, as long as it still works for the both of you.
that's the key point -- it has to work for BOTH mom and baby. and sometimes it won't work out that way, and that's okay, too. this is something that works for us -- largely because i have a schedule that is very accommodating to it.
i know that soon enough -- in the next few months -- oskar will start his own self-weaning process and we'll gradually decrease until we're down to the one comfort nursing time of day -- bedtime. that is the last one to go usually. for now i'm going to enjoy this time while it lasts.
well there it is. there's my GAJILLION cents on how i'm still nursing oskar and i think it's pretty cool.
Friday, December 18, 2009
SNIDECARDS!
SNIDECARDS is the perfect place to find completely random, completely free e-cards that really express how disenchanted and angry you really are! come on by and visit!
Monday, December 14, 2009
Friday, December 11, 2009
why kids are awesome.
sinister things found in my friend jenny's basement created by her daughters:
and my son is totally stylish:
and my son is totally stylish:
Thursday, December 10, 2009
i need to make a list ...
... of things i never thought i'd say, but eventually do say. today's contribution to this list:
"no, no, don't eat the pen."
(to toddler ... which begs the question, why the hell am i letting him play with a pen?)
in other news, start sending those FREE and INCREDIBLY CLEVER SNIDECARDS!
new ones being added *everyday!
*everyday that i remember to upload them
"no, no, don't eat the pen."
(to toddler ... which begs the question, why the hell am i letting him play with a pen?)
in other news, start sending those FREE and INCREDIBLY CLEVER SNIDECARDS!
new ones being added *everyday!
*everyday that i remember to upload them
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
nothing good can come from my this lint out of my brain right now ...
... but maybe just getting the lint out will be a good thing. it's one of those weirdo nights where nothing really is getting to me, then suddenly my head is all clunky on the inside and i keep forgetting that sometimes fall can really fuck me up for no other reason than i'm sprained. not broken, but definitely sprained. and it's just some bullshit that my head needs to wash out, so i take a shower to relax and isolate myself and i realize that i'm lathering and lathering and lathering and GUESS WHAT -- no amount of lather will wash away the fact that sometimes i am uncomfortable in my brain and in my body and in the jeans i was wearing and in the shirt i had on and nothing feels right nothing fits right just can't seem to wash it right off and start over with brand new skin and a brand new brain.
then after i type a bunch (see above) and i picture funny things -- dustin with the hood of oskar's frog costume on his head while he was eating a pear, abbey doing her soup dance, oskar pretending to sleep while in the car. i'm better. i'm back again. i'm myself again. sometimes i just need a little maintenance. so thanks for that, blogger.
then after i type a bunch (see above) and i picture funny things -- dustin with the hood of oskar's frog costume on his head while he was eating a pear, abbey doing her soup dance, oskar pretending to sleep while in the car. i'm better. i'm back again. i'm myself again. sometimes i just need a little maintenance. so thanks for that, blogger.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
"nothing yet has really sunk in ..."
most of the time i don't think about bram in terms of him being gone -- i've not been able to do that. i just go about my day and when he pops into my head i just dismiss the ache in my stomach with the thought that he's just busy or out of town. (this works for a while bc, like most friends, we'd go a while without catching up, but once we talked it was as if no time had passed.) denial. denial. denial. denial.
right now it just doesn't work. and i'm trying really hard not to focus on his death, but on his life and the amazing affect he had on everyone he met. i'm trying hard to focus on the fact that, long ago, he befriended a girl who was really really fucked up in many ways, and offered her unconditional love and friendship, no matter what she said, what she did. he never gave up on being my friend.
in high school i used to think that the notion of a "soul mate" was that somehow in this world of a gajillion choices and billions of people that there was one certain person who you were meant to be with.
it was bc of him that i learned that not only are there many people in your life that you can consider soul mates, but that a soul mate is not a term exclusively used for a romantic relationship. i think a soul mate is anyone who can see you as you really are and there is some sort of connection. it can be a friend, a spouse, a family member ... all of the above.
we had a connection. i want to believe that connection still exists somehow, even though he's no longer here. if i don't hold onto that, it's more than i can stand.
"... and i always thought that i'd see you again."
Monday, October 05, 2009
holy hell,
it's been a long time since blogging. I hate that I let so much time pass without writing and, let's face it, fb and twitter don't count.
the toddler is asleep on my outstretched right arm and I'm typing this on my phone with my right thumb. it's only a matter of time before my hand loses feeling -- actually that is happening now. aaaaand switch!
in the left hand. I should be sleeping -- I neeeed to sleep -- but my brain is going and thinking and twirling and I feel nothing of substance is landing on this page, just brain lint.
I'm not very disciplined when it comes to things like working out or writing, but I need to figure out a way to keep doing them ... at the very least, this blogging needs to happen more often.
sweet dreams, all.
the toddler is asleep on my outstretched right arm and I'm typing this on my phone with my right thumb. it's only a matter of time before my hand loses feeling -- actually that is happening now. aaaaand switch!
in the left hand. I should be sleeping -- I neeeed to sleep -- but my brain is going and thinking and twirling and I feel nothing of substance is landing on this page, just brain lint.
I'm not very disciplined when it comes to things like working out or writing, but I need to figure out a way to keep doing them ... at the very least, this blogging needs to happen more often.
sweet dreams, all.
Saturday, August 08, 2009
some thoughts on health care reform...
as written by my longtime friend, Jason Wood. what he wrote on his facebook page pretty much sums it up pretty well. here goes...
"Here's what will happen if we leave health insurance alone: Premiums will continue to rise at almost twice the rate of inflation. Many small businesses will be priced out of providing insurance for their employees. Millions will be negligently underinsured when fly-by-night companies enter the game hooking customers with low premiums while ... Read Moredelivering anemic coverage. Medical realted bankruptcies, foreclosures, and repositions will drive billions into the debt everyone fears will be caused by reforming health care.
I got tons more to say. (In the words of Al Pacino ... "I'm just getting WARMED UP ...) I'm also sick of hearing about "communism". Funny thing is, communists aren't especially known as being humanitarian role models. Ask the Afghanis about the Russians being "bleeding heart liberals".
And Family Research Council; if you actually are Christain, shame on you. Go do some research ... on families WITHOUT insurance. Actual Christians care about helping others, not towing the lines of the political action groups and insurance companies.
Maybe I missed in the New Testament where Jesus enters the temple and tells God to stay out of the free market.
I recently went to the doctor and got my toe examined. Later I was poked with a needle. Two blood tests were run. According to the health provider I used, this cost over $500. Insurance covered just over 50% of it. Thank the-previously-mentioned-free-market-living-rightwing-version of Jesus this wasn't a serious procedure. What scares me is what ... Read Morepeople without insurance do when their left toes swell up like Jerry Lewis in the 1980's? Do they fork over five large bills? Or maybe they just limp around until it gets better?
And I don't want to hear about your "tax dollars" anymore. You paid your money, but you've also got a ton of things for that. Roads, schools, hospitals, telephones, law enforcement, water, power, garbage removal, television, radio, military, air travel, tax breaks are just a small part of the millions of things we receive for our tax dollars. I'm sure if Ted Nugent or Glen Beck added up their ledgers, they'd find themselves pretty far into the black on that deal.
And if you've collected Medicaid or Medicare and yet you don't believe in socialist health care reform, pay your money back. That would go a long way to reducing that deficit you're so worried about our kids having. And don't collect Social Security either, because you'd really hate taking that free ride.
So far, we've determined it's okay for government to get involved in the battle over reporoductive rights, securing religious freedoms, and protecting traditional marriage. It's okay to fight a War against Drugs, a War Against Terror, and a war against the War on Christmas ... but leave the health insurance companies alone? Sickening.
Health care providers mark-up their services so high that even the guys selling bottled water at Loolapollza cringe. Isn't gouging a crime? Guess not if it's done while wearing a tie.
And Mr. High Finance Fortune Editor-At-Large, I read your "Five Freedoms You'd Lose in Health Care Reform". Your proctologist called: he found your head.
People who don't have insurance either don't have a Preferred Provider Plans or dreamy tax deductiable Health Savings Accounts.
I saw you on CNN where you talked about the ever escalating premium costs. And your solution is to co-opt McCain's plan for people to drop employer insurance plans and get a $2500 tax rebate to buy their own insurance. So, you want to solve the problem of HIGH PREMIUMS by having Americans take self funded insurance so they can pay HIGH PREMIUMS. Great solution. It's like curing AIDS by going and getting more AIDS. ... Read More
And try qualifying for service coverage when you have a pre-exsisting condition. Would your COBRA styled insurance cover your cranal/rectal problems? I think not.
Honestly, I love America. You could even say I'm gay for it. There are so many freedoms and opportunities here. But the freedom to let others to die, while people protect someone's right to gouge their fellow man, isn't right. Protecting the welfare of all citizens is in the preanmble of the constitution. Your founding fathers found it so important... Read More that they wanted you to see it first.
I'm pretty sure God doesn't want us to play God, so why should insurance companies and hospitals and idealogues determine who lives and who dies?
On second thought, let's not go to Camelot. It is a silly place."
"Here's what will happen if we leave health insurance alone: Premiums will continue to rise at almost twice the rate of inflation. Many small businesses will be priced out of providing insurance for their employees. Millions will be negligently underinsured when fly-by-night companies enter the game hooking customers with low premiums while ... Read Moredelivering anemic coverage. Medical realted bankruptcies, foreclosures, and repositions will drive billions into the debt everyone fears will be caused by reforming health care.
I got tons more to say. (In the words of Al Pacino ... "I'm just getting WARMED UP ...) I'm also sick of hearing about "communism". Funny thing is, communists aren't especially known as being humanitarian role models. Ask the Afghanis about the Russians being "bleeding heart liberals".
And Family Research Council; if you actually are Christain, shame on you. Go do some research ... on families WITHOUT insurance. Actual Christians care about helping others, not towing the lines of the political action groups and insurance companies.
Maybe I missed in the New Testament where Jesus enters the temple and tells God to stay out of the free market.
I recently went to the doctor and got my toe examined. Later I was poked with a needle. Two blood tests were run. According to the health provider I used, this cost over $500. Insurance covered just over 50% of it. Thank the-previously-mentioned-free-market-living-rightwing-version of Jesus this wasn't a serious procedure. What scares me is what ... Read Morepeople without insurance do when their left toes swell up like Jerry Lewis in the 1980's? Do they fork over five large bills? Or maybe they just limp around until it gets better?
And I don't want to hear about your "tax dollars" anymore. You paid your money, but you've also got a ton of things for that. Roads, schools, hospitals, telephones, law enforcement, water, power, garbage removal, television, radio, military, air travel, tax breaks are just a small part of the millions of things we receive for our tax dollars. I'm sure if Ted Nugent or Glen Beck added up their ledgers, they'd find themselves pretty far into the black on that deal.
And if you've collected Medicaid or Medicare and yet you don't believe in socialist health care reform, pay your money back. That would go a long way to reducing that deficit you're so worried about our kids having. And don't collect Social Security either, because you'd really hate taking that free ride.
So far, we've determined it's okay for government to get involved in the battle over reporoductive rights, securing religious freedoms, and protecting traditional marriage. It's okay to fight a War against Drugs, a War Against Terror, and a war against the War on Christmas ... but leave the health insurance companies alone? Sickening.
Health care providers mark-up their services so high that even the guys selling bottled water at Loolapollza cringe. Isn't gouging a crime? Guess not if it's done while wearing a tie.
And Mr. High Finance Fortune Editor-At-Large, I read your "Five Freedoms You'd Lose in Health Care Reform". Your proctologist called: he found your head.
People who don't have insurance either don't have a Preferred Provider Plans or dreamy tax deductiable Health Savings Accounts.
I saw you on CNN where you talked about the ever escalating premium costs. And your solution is to co-opt McCain's plan for people to drop employer insurance plans and get a $2500 tax rebate to buy their own insurance. So, you want to solve the problem of HIGH PREMIUMS by having Americans take self funded insurance so they can pay HIGH PREMIUMS. Great solution. It's like curing AIDS by going and getting more AIDS. ... Read More
And try qualifying for service coverage when you have a pre-exsisting condition. Would your COBRA styled insurance cover your cranal/rectal problems? I think not.
Honestly, I love America. You could even say I'm gay for it. There are so many freedoms and opportunities here. But the freedom to let others to die, while people protect someone's right to gouge their fellow man, isn't right. Protecting the welfare of all citizens is in the preanmble of the constitution. Your founding fathers found it so important... Read More that they wanted you to see it first.
I'm pretty sure God doesn't want us to play God, so why should insurance companies and hospitals and idealogues determine who lives and who dies?
On second thought, let's not go to Camelot. It is a silly place."
Thursday, July 23, 2009
tough night with the wee lad
cutting a molar ... horrendous diaper rash brought on by antibiotics, a week where his schedule was very different bc his dad was out if town ... yeah, oskar let us know in no uncertain terms tonight that he was PISSED. totally pissed. and tired. with burning, sore skin no matter how I slathered on the diaper cream.
(on that topic, I usually take no issue with the store version brand of anything.... but the target brand of desitin SUCKS. just an FYI for anyone who cares.)
currently he's being danced around the living room by his daddy, which is good for not only the two of them, but me too. it's sweet to see and nice to be reminded that oskar is willing to take comfort from someone else after a week of intense mommy attachment.
(on that topic, I usually take no issue with the store version brand of anything.... but the target brand of desitin SUCKS. just an FYI for anyone who cares.)
currently he's being danced around the living room by his daddy, which is good for not only the two of them, but me too. it's sweet to see and nice to be reminded that oskar is willing to take comfort from someone else after a week of intense mommy attachment.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
a day with family
so we met up at my kid sister's apartment complex today. also joining us was one of my older sisters and her four kids ... swimming, grilling hot dogs (go hebrew national!) and just hanging out.
at one point we were leaving the jacuzzi room and oskar was sitting in the floor, playing with some goggles. not wanting him to chew on them, I took them from his hand and gave him something else instead. that totally pissed him off and he pulled his usual "training to be 2" stunt -- forcefully pushing himself backward while sitting.
at home with carpeting this isn't usually an issue. in a room with ceramic floor tiles, it was a very big deal, as the back if his head slammed. it was so loud and I instantly picked him up as he screamed and I ran into a different room, feeling the back of his head for any blood, fractures, etc.
holy fuck. that's all I can think to say ... holy fuck. luckily my older sister is well-versed with what to do about head bumps -- 3 of her 4 kids are boys -- so she told me what to do (nurse immediately to calm him) and what to watch out for (puking, walking wobbly, uneven pupils, etc).
(thanks, aim!)
he calmed down really quickly and just nursed and nursed. i, however, wanted to puke. I kept thinking how should have expected him to do that, I should have let him hold the freaking goggles until we were safely standing.
once he was up and running around I excused myself to the bathroom and promptly cried my eyes out.
there is no end to the worry/guilt/pain when your kid is hurting. no end at all.
so so tired from today. must sleep
at one point we were leaving the jacuzzi room and oskar was sitting in the floor, playing with some goggles. not wanting him to chew on them, I took them from his hand and gave him something else instead. that totally pissed him off and he pulled his usual "training to be 2" stunt -- forcefully pushing himself backward while sitting.
at home with carpeting this isn't usually an issue. in a room with ceramic floor tiles, it was a very big deal, as the back if his head slammed. it was so loud and I instantly picked him up as he screamed and I ran into a different room, feeling the back of his head for any blood, fractures, etc.
holy fuck. that's all I can think to say ... holy fuck. luckily my older sister is well-versed with what to do about head bumps -- 3 of her 4 kids are boys -- so she told me what to do (nurse immediately to calm him) and what to watch out for (puking, walking wobbly, uneven pupils, etc).
(thanks, aim!)
he calmed down really quickly and just nursed and nursed. i, however, wanted to puke. I kept thinking how should have expected him to do that, I should have let him hold the freaking goggles until we were safely standing.
once he was up and running around I excused myself to the bathroom and promptly cried my eyes out.
there is no end to the worry/guilt/pain when your kid is hurting. no end at all.
so so tired from today. must sleep
Thursday, June 18, 2009
movies i wanna see...
How to Be
robert pattinson and his accent. yep, i'm there.
Shutter Island
the idea of mental hospitals intrigues me. who knew?
Surrogates
not my usual type of movie, but i dig bruce willis in some stuff. and he looks like a badass in this one.
Away We Go
*sighhhhh*
Zombieland
i should be more excited about this, but it just appears lackluster.
robert pattinson and his accent. yep, i'm there.
Shutter Island
the idea of mental hospitals intrigues me. who knew?
Surrogates
not my usual type of movie, but i dig bruce willis in some stuff. and he looks like a badass in this one.
Away We Go
*sighhhhh*
Zombieland
i should be more excited about this, but it just appears lackluster.
dental day
reason for visit (among others):
tooth broken to nearly nothing
fear of dentist: worried they will tell me I have the world's worst teeth.
verdict:
broken tooth (third from back lower jaw) beyond repair, remnants to be removed next Tuesday (at 100% coverage!)
other issues:
small cavity in lower back molar (100% coverage!)
down the road a bit:
crown on a different lower molar left (60%... boo)
crown on lowar molar right that could, if I wanted, have a bridge attached to fill the gap left by current broken tooth. or just leave that space open forever (not visible). or get an implant to fill space (pricey!).
who really gives a rat's arse about my
little dental laundry list??? no one except my brain, who is now happy bc it's on "paper" and therefore out of my head, and now I can nap.
then there is something else swimming around. neither here nor there, a nap might help that one, too.
tooth broken to nearly nothing
fear of dentist: worried they will tell me I have the world's worst teeth.
verdict:
broken tooth (third from back lower jaw) beyond repair, remnants to be removed next Tuesday (at 100% coverage!)
other issues:
small cavity in lower back molar (100% coverage!)
down the road a bit:
crown on a different lower molar left (60%... boo)
crown on lowar molar right that could, if I wanted, have a bridge attached to fill the gap left by current broken tooth. or just leave that space open forever (not visible). or get an implant to fill space (pricey!).
who really gives a rat's arse about my
little dental laundry list??? no one except my brain, who is now happy bc it's on "paper" and therefore out of my head, and now I can nap.
then there is something else swimming around. neither here nor there, a nap might help that one, too.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
I need to make friends with a dentist ...
who wants to do free of charge work on my teeth out of the goodness of his/her heart.
any dentists wanna be friends? I'd be a GREAT before/after candidate!
please?????
any dentists wanna be friends? I'd be a GREAT before/after candidate!
please?????
Sunday, June 14, 2009
another one? it's a Christmas miracle!
by "Christmas" I mean "late spring" and by "miracle" I mean ... actually that's pretty much the bestcword for it.
I'm feeling drab. like nothing of interest comes out of my brain to spew out as pearls of wisdom, wit or anything else starting with a w.
I feel like I am irritating to people. the things I say, the manner in which I react. and I so, so tire of feeling this way. I want to have days where I don't misinterpret a glance as a glare.
I can sort of summarize my thoughts right now as falling into the category of "aftermath." without getting too specific, it's been a challenging year on many fronts. and while I perform extraordinarily well under pressure (dun dun dun dadadun dun), I tend to melt down and fall to pieces after things settle down. I ignore my own well being for so long that when I come back to it, I don't know where the fuck to start.
2:23 am and need sleep. it's just time.
I'm feeling drab. like nothing of interest comes out of my brain to spew out as pearls of wisdom, wit or anything else starting with a w.
I feel like I am irritating to people. the things I say, the manner in which I react. and I so, so tire of feeling this way. I want to have days where I don't misinterpret a glance as a glare.
I can sort of summarize my thoughts right now as falling into the category of "aftermath." without getting too specific, it's been a challenging year on many fronts. and while I perform extraordinarily well under pressure (dun dun dun dadadun dun), I tend to melt down and fall to pieces after things settle down. I ignore my own well being for so long that when I come back to it, I don't know where the fuck to start.
2:23 am and need sleep. it's just time.
Saturday, June 13, 2009
my friend brent has started a blog...
and i know it'll be ass-kickin' great! just check out the early stages for yourself.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
by god, i'm about to post a real post.
and it's bound to be a biggen, too!
i'm pondering how some days click, yet a few hours later it feels as though every little thing is conspiring to make you weep big fat crybaby tears (a look that i misinterpret as irritation combined with the cat's loud-ass meowing that is driving me nuts AND waking the oskar combined with everything else that nags at my innards).
and it's not one single event, that pushes you over the edge, it's juts a build-up of crapola.
i'm also pondering how i always get away from blogging b/c of some other internet distraction -- youtube, facebook, twitter -- but then i come crawling back to this blog like a filthy little cheater, and this blog always takes me back.
so now i return again, proverbial hat in hand, a sheepish look on my face. "will you take me back ... again?" i ask, waiting for a smackdown. but here i am, back again and typing my little fingers off. at least until oskar wakes up.
back to the evening of conspiratorial events/noises/thoughts/ideas/expressions. i know i take my medicine everyday to keep me even-keeled, yet it was just a night that i felt like i hadn't taken them. mix that with just a dash of what felt like day two of nicotine withdraw (mind you, it's been two and a half years) and you have a saucy little recipe for crazytown! wheee!
god, i missed this blog. i feel like much of the stagnant, overripe crap that's been sitting around in my brain like a clogged sinus passage has finally begun to leak out.
blogging = decongestant?
i like working out now, that's something new. not for the sake of getting into shape, weight loss, etc. (although that would be a nice bonus), it's for stress relief. and judging by my mood tonight, it's been too long since i've done it. when at home i use the nifty Wii Fit provided by my husband on my 34th birthday -- that's what i used tonight. when at the gym i use the elliptical machine (while watching Superbad/Firefly episodes/other Judd Apatow goodies on my iPhone).
well now i've become that person who talks about working out. yeah, that's exactly who i want to be.
note to self: workouts after 10p.m. might be a bad idea, considering i'm WIDE FREAKING AWAKE (albeit, in a much better mood).
time for solitaire.
i'm pondering how some days click, yet a few hours later it feels as though every little thing is conspiring to make you weep big fat crybaby tears (a look that i misinterpret as irritation combined with the cat's loud-ass meowing that is driving me nuts AND waking the oskar combined with everything else that nags at my innards).
and it's not one single event, that pushes you over the edge, it's juts a build-up of crapola.
i'm also pondering how i always get away from blogging b/c of some other internet distraction -- youtube, facebook, twitter -- but then i come crawling back to this blog like a filthy little cheater, and this blog always takes me back.
so now i return again, proverbial hat in hand, a sheepish look on my face. "will you take me back ... again?" i ask, waiting for a smackdown. but here i am, back again and typing my little fingers off. at least until oskar wakes up.
back to the evening of conspiratorial events/noises/thoughts/ideas/expressions. i know i take my medicine everyday to keep me even-keeled, yet it was just a night that i felt like i hadn't taken them. mix that with just a dash of what felt like day two of nicotine withdraw (mind you, it's been two and a half years) and you have a saucy little recipe for crazytown! wheee!
god, i missed this blog. i feel like much of the stagnant, overripe crap that's been sitting around in my brain like a clogged sinus passage has finally begun to leak out.
blogging = decongestant?
i like working out now, that's something new. not for the sake of getting into shape, weight loss, etc. (although that would be a nice bonus), it's for stress relief. and judging by my mood tonight, it's been too long since i've done it. when at home i use the nifty Wii Fit provided by my husband on my 34th birthday -- that's what i used tonight. when at the gym i use the elliptical machine (while watching Superbad/Firefly episodes/other Judd Apatow goodies on my iPhone).
well now i've become that person who talks about working out. yeah, that's exactly who i want to be.
note to self: workouts after 10p.m. might be a bad idea, considering i'm WIDE FREAKING AWAKE (albeit, in a much better mood).
time for solitaire.
an attempt at blogging ...
before oskar is in bed. he just tipped over. try again later.
UPDATE:
he tipped over b/c he was walking around with his eyes squinted shut. not the smartest thing to try, but so, SO cute.
UPDATE:
he tipped over b/c he was walking around with his eyes squinted shut. not the smartest thing to try, but so, SO cute.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Tuesday, May 05, 2009
the amount of time I spend...
thinking about a haircut is pretty fucking ridiculous. it's just hair. I cut, it grows. why is it not that simple?
a few issues.
I am not a waif. I'm always afraid if I cut my hair, the rest of me will look bigger bc I'm out if balance somehow.
my hair is the perfect hiding place. it covers my face on the sides and gives me a sheltered feeling.
when you are a person with a bit of a damaged psyche, it's easy to look at changes and overthink them. and doubt them. and go back and forth again.
so really by issues are less about hair and more about my sometimes fucked up brain process.
I was on twitter and I types BPD into the search field. I came across a profile for a Dutch doctor who made a blog post about bpd and what they've learned over the past decade. a good read, and it's just got me thinking about my own brain. the last big episode I had was in oct of 07-- it was before bram died, and I remember walking around in the back of our place and smelling the damp fall air and trying like hell to keep my brain together. I was three months preg and horrified that my head would never quiet the fuck down.
then a day or two later I was in the same backyard area, on the phone with michelle davidson, sobbing intermittently while trying to wrap my head around the news of what had happened. I kept expecting my head to split open and go into a full-on episode. it never happened. and it hasn't since.
michelle told me that she used to have anxieties, and when bram left, it was as though he took them with him, as she hadn't had them since. I can't help but wonder if, in some way, he did the same for me.
or maybe that's how my brain copes with tragedy. or perhaps the death of someone close was something that my brain interpreted as "way fucking worse than anything else in childhood ever was," thus taking away the power from the horrible childhood shit that used to fuck up my life on a regular basis.
I also know that bpd has the tendency over time with therapy and medication to calm down. I think it has to do with age as a life-stabilizing factor, less turbulence in day to day life. I know that is true as well.
my thinking patterns are still much the same as they used to be. I've just changed in the ways I act on those thoughts. knee-jerk reactions still exist, they are just easier to keep at bay.
if icould afford it, I'd go back to school andgo into counseling for bpd cases. I think i'd be good at it.
now I need a nap.
a few issues.
I am not a waif. I'm always afraid if I cut my hair, the rest of me will look bigger bc I'm out if balance somehow.
my hair is the perfect hiding place. it covers my face on the sides and gives me a sheltered feeling.
when you are a person with a bit of a damaged psyche, it's easy to look at changes and overthink them. and doubt them. and go back and forth again.
so really by issues are less about hair and more about my sometimes fucked up brain process.
I was on twitter and I types BPD into the search field. I came across a profile for a Dutch doctor who made a blog post about bpd and what they've learned over the past decade. a good read, and it's just got me thinking about my own brain. the last big episode I had was in oct of 07-- it was before bram died, and I remember walking around in the back of our place and smelling the damp fall air and trying like hell to keep my brain together. I was three months preg and horrified that my head would never quiet the fuck down.
then a day or two later I was in the same backyard area, on the phone with michelle davidson, sobbing intermittently while trying to wrap my head around the news of what had happened. I kept expecting my head to split open and go into a full-on episode. it never happened. and it hasn't since.
michelle told me that she used to have anxieties, and when bram left, it was as though he took them with him, as she hadn't had them since. I can't help but wonder if, in some way, he did the same for me.
or maybe that's how my brain copes with tragedy. or perhaps the death of someone close was something that my brain interpreted as "way fucking worse than anything else in childhood ever was," thus taking away the power from the horrible childhood shit that used to fuck up my life on a regular basis.
I also know that bpd has the tendency over time with therapy and medication to calm down. I think it has to do with age as a life-stabilizing factor, less turbulence in day to day life. I know that is true as well.
my thinking patterns are still much the same as they used to be. I've just changed in the ways I act on those thoughts. knee-jerk reactions still exist, they are just easier to keep at bay.
if icould afford it, I'd go back to school andgo into counseling for bpd cases. I think i'd be good at it.
now I need a nap.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
nin clips from nov. 25 concert
some clips from the show --- and if you don't like NIN or fantastic, amazing light shows, you'll be bored. (the audio is not the best, but trent kinda is.)
seventh grade and how it sucks.
my daughter is in seventh grade -- and with a couple of months left of school, the end of the year can't come soon enough, for her and for me. genetically she's got some of my stuff and that makes dealing with all the emotions and bullshit popularity/friendship/ girl backstabbing crap even tougher than normal.
my seventh grade year was marked by my first massive nervous breakdown. and who can forget the school counselor would couldn't recognize depression and just said i was out for attention and to skip class... ahh, the memories.
when you are depressed you can't stop crying, and not many people have sympathy for the kid who cries a lot. add that to the fact that i had an injury that kept me in a cast, on crutches but out of gym for many months, and people i had known for a long time (i even remember who this prick was, but won't mention a name here) would actually talk about me behind my back -- literally two feet behind my back, making fun of me, calling me a faker.
later in the school year the awesome and wonderful amy lein -- who i've known since i was 1.5 years old -- stood by me and helped me get past all the bullshit, all the little bastards who made that year miserable. we'd go to school dances -- even though i was on crutches, and we'd goof around and dance (and then a stupid girl i can recall right now mocked me for that) and at that point i resolved to switch to a different junior high.
fucking assholes in seventh grade.
however changing schools was the best thing i ever did. i met some amazing people there, people i'm still in touch with today and love as much as i ever did (you know who you are). and most of the people from seventh grade forgot about that year by the time i saw them again in ninth grade, but there is always one or two asshats who said "weren't you the girl who cried all the time at school?", to whom i'd reply "probably -- and clearly you are still the same idiot from seventh grade."
okay, end rant.
but i can't wait for this year to finish up. my girl needs a break.
my seventh grade year was marked by my first massive nervous breakdown. and who can forget the school counselor would couldn't recognize depression and just said i was out for attention and to skip class... ahh, the memories.
when you are depressed you can't stop crying, and not many people have sympathy for the kid who cries a lot. add that to the fact that i had an injury that kept me in a cast, on crutches but out of gym for many months, and people i had known for a long time (i even remember who this prick was, but won't mention a name here) would actually talk about me behind my back -- literally two feet behind my back, making fun of me, calling me a faker.
later in the school year the awesome and wonderful amy lein -- who i've known since i was 1.5 years old -- stood by me and helped me get past all the bullshit, all the little bastards who made that year miserable. we'd go to school dances -- even though i was on crutches, and we'd goof around and dance (and then a stupid girl i can recall right now mocked me for that) and at that point i resolved to switch to a different junior high.
fucking assholes in seventh grade.
however changing schools was the best thing i ever did. i met some amazing people there, people i'm still in touch with today and love as much as i ever did (you know who you are). and most of the people from seventh grade forgot about that year by the time i saw them again in ninth grade, but there is always one or two asshats who said "weren't you the girl who cried all the time at school?", to whom i'd reply "probably -- and clearly you are still the same idiot from seventh grade."
okay, end rant.
but i can't wait for this year to finish up. my girl needs a break.
Friday, April 17, 2009
dumb. stinky. dumb & stinky.
so today is the start of our burb's annual spring cleanup -- basically the city comes and picks up your big garbage (our old couch, etc.) for free. this results in two things:
1. scavengers looking for free stuff. mostly I've seen people putting out their broken stuff, stuff they would normally cost extra to be hauled away. and peoplehave been driving around the neighborhood all day, slowly checking out the piles for anything remotely decent. I was on a walk with oskar and it was creepy how two or three cars in a row would creep down the street, trailers in tow and already full ifother people's crap. occasionally you see the car that hit the jackpot -- a child-size playcar, a jogging stroller and patio furniture. but usually it's old bedframes, scrap wood and pieces of furniture that just need some lovin'.
2. this also means people are cleaning out the garage and unearthing bags of yard waste. some people like to burn the yard waste and give everyone within a mile of that a house that reeks of old campfire. and, if I had to make a guess, burning plastic.
............................
now it's several hours later since i first began this post.... I just joined a gym and am currently under a hair dryer at Fantastic Sam's, getting a super cheap conditioning treatment. not a bad morning at all.
1. scavengers looking for free stuff. mostly I've seen people putting out their broken stuff, stuff they would normally cost extra to be hauled away. and peoplehave been driving around the neighborhood all day, slowly checking out the piles for anything remotely decent. I was on a walk with oskar and it was creepy how two or three cars in a row would creep down the street, trailers in tow and already full ifother people's crap. occasionally you see the car that hit the jackpot -- a child-size playcar, a jogging stroller and patio furniture. but usually it's old bedframes, scrap wood and pieces of furniture that just need some lovin'.
2. this also means people are cleaning out the garage and unearthing bags of yard waste. some people like to burn the yard waste and give everyone within a mile of that a house that reeks of old campfire. and, if I had to make a guess, burning plastic.
............................
now it's several hours later since i first began this post.... I just joined a gym and am currently under a hair dryer at Fantastic Sam's, getting a super cheap conditioning treatment. not a bad morning at all.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
by god, I need to blog more.
so it's the end of the day. my big events included (but not limited to) getting an eye exam at costco (slight Rx change), buying olivesin bulk, napping for a loooooong time, and here I am at bedtime, waiting for the sleep.
I won't have to wait long -- I am exhausted.
in fact, I fell asleep right after that last sentence. I woke up a moment later to find my phone in my left hand, my right index finger poised and ready to type.
yep. time to sleep.
l
I won't have to wait long -- I am exhausted.
in fact, I fell asleep right after that last sentence. I woke up a moment later to find my phone in my left hand, my right index finger poised and ready to type.
yep. time to sleep.
l
Monday, March 23, 2009
dear blog,
I know I've been away a long time. life with a new baby and juggling life's other things had been a bit crazy. I really have been meaning to stop by, but it's been, you know, busy.
I'm sorry, I know my excuses -- while valid -- don't mean much to you, but I promise, this time will be different.
I'm sorry, I know my excuses -- while valid -- don't mean much to you, but I promise, this time will be different.
Tuesday, March 03, 2009
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
awesome post on white whine...
Complaint #361 - Special 1990's Edition
“‘Hunger Strike’ is by Temple of the Dog, NOT Pearl Jam, Ugh.”
“‘Hunger Strike’ is by Temple of the Dog, NOT Pearl Jam, Ugh.”
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Friday, January 16, 2009
ode to dixie
not an ode at all, but just recalling some dixie-related thoughts on the eve of her departure. long story short, we have to give her up b/c her growling pattern with oskar is too scary and too persistent. she's over seven years old and while that is not "old" for a dog, her responses to a baby who is becoming more and more mobile are quite unnerving and won't get much better with age. so we're offering her up to be rehomed before she bites, b/c biting will remove any rehoming chance she has.
i'm sad. i'm sad thinking about the night i brought her home. how she and i regarded each other in the "get to know each other" room at the humane society. how she stayed by my side and seemed to look after me during the whole wedding fiasco a few years back. how she never left my side the week i was on the couch, crying over bram's death.
so i have a sob in my throat that i don't want to let out, because then i'll cry not be able to stop.
she's not the last dog we'll ever own, i'm sure, but overall she's been a great pet and i'll miss her more than you know.
i'm sad. i'm sad thinking about the night i brought her home. how she and i regarded each other in the "get to know each other" room at the humane society. how she stayed by my side and seemed to look after me during the whole wedding fiasco a few years back. how she never left my side the week i was on the couch, crying over bram's death.
so i have a sob in my throat that i don't want to let out, because then i'll cry not be able to stop.
she's not the last dog we'll ever own, i'm sure, but overall she's been a great pet and i'll miss her more than you know.
Monday, January 12, 2009
breaking news on cnn....
"Barack Obama plans to act as early as his first week in office to shut the prison at Guantanamo Bay, two officials say."
RIGHT FUCKING ON! GO-BAMA!
RIGHT FUCKING ON! GO-BAMA!
Monday, January 05, 2009
Saturday, January 03, 2009
still such an amazing video.
i haven't watched this video in a long time, but june's expression as she watches johnny still destroys me.
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Saturday, December 27, 2008
it's been so long...
but things are calmer. much calmer. yay for the wonders of medication! it was a really nice christmas and now it's 3:11 a.m. and oskar felt all sorts of not sleepy. so we're hanging out and i'm counting down until 4 a.m. when i know he'll be ready to go back to sleep... very soon. i am realizing that we have a TON of toys, and what's oskar playing with right now? a cardboard box.
sigh.
he is full-on crawling at top velocity, pulling himself up to standing against furniture and he will even attempt a no-hands standing position and succeed for about five seconds.
t-minus 30 days until walking, i predict. crazy.
sigh.
he is full-on crawling at top velocity, pulling himself up to standing against furniture and he will even attempt a no-hands standing position and succeed for about five seconds.
t-minus 30 days until walking, i predict. crazy.
Friday, December 12, 2008
maybe that was a little bit harsh.
but you have to understand how frustrating it is. we went to a school band concert the other night, and i know for a fact i wasn't the only one who felt... weird. like, all eyes were on us four parents. and not just because we have adorably cute babies.
maybe that was just paranoia -- us being worried that we were being studied by those around us. but it was creepy.
so i was harsh. but i'm in protective momma bear mode. i know my kid has caused some stress to those around her... but she's a victim in this, too. she didn't ask for a mood problem. she didn't do anything to bring it on. it happened. now we deal.
maybe that was just paranoia -- us being worried that we were being studied by those around us. but it was creepy.
so i was harsh. but i'm in protective momma bear mode. i know my kid has caused some stress to those around her... but she's a victim in this, too. she didn't ask for a mood problem. she didn't do anything to bring it on. it happened. now we deal.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
begin rant
this will not make sense to many (or a few) who read this, but it's basically some lint falling out of my brain that threatens to make my brain explode if i don't free the lint.
suffice it to say, we're dealing with some parenting/child issues, and i have a few things i want to get out. i became a parent at the age of 20/21 in an unplanned manner, but i chose to keep abagail in my life because i knew, i KNEW that i could raise her well. i also knew that there is no lifeguard at the gene pool and that, genetically speaking, she could take on some of my traits besides my childbearing hips (which she has avoided).
having said that, i resent people acting as though we are unaware of what is happening. my ex said it best by saying, "no shit, sherlock." i am a young mother. but i am not a stupid, unknowing mother. i am a mother who has seen what shit can happen. i am a mother who has done stupid things, and i am a mother who has survived. my mother is a mother who has survived. my daughter will survive all of this, too.
i am tired of people not having faith in my daughter, and acting as though this situation will NEVER resolve itself, when it's only been in repair mode for a couple of weeks. these are people who should fucking know better. and i know that some kids are uncomfortable and uneasy right now. boo hoo, i'm working on keeping my kid functional and alive, so you whiners can just eat it.
there's my rant. i only mean to be bitter a little bit, but as a mother who is fighting like hell to keep her child functional and simply OKAY, i get frustrated. who knew that it would be the school officials who were the compassionate ones????
suffice it to say, we're dealing with some parenting/child issues, and i have a few things i want to get out. i became a parent at the age of 20/21 in an unplanned manner, but i chose to keep abagail in my life because i knew, i KNEW that i could raise her well. i also knew that there is no lifeguard at the gene pool and that, genetically speaking, she could take on some of my traits besides my childbearing hips (which she has avoided).
having said that, i resent people acting as though we are unaware of what is happening. my ex said it best by saying, "no shit, sherlock." i am a young mother. but i am not a stupid, unknowing mother. i am a mother who has seen what shit can happen. i am a mother who has done stupid things, and i am a mother who has survived. my mother is a mother who has survived. my daughter will survive all of this, too.
i am tired of people not having faith in my daughter, and acting as though this situation will NEVER resolve itself, when it's only been in repair mode for a couple of weeks. these are people who should fucking know better. and i know that some kids are uncomfortable and uneasy right now. boo hoo, i'm working on keeping my kid functional and alive, so you whiners can just eat it.
there's my rant. i only mean to be bitter a little bit, but as a mother who is fighting like hell to keep her child functional and simply OKAY, i get frustrated. who knew that it would be the school officials who were the compassionate ones????
Tuesday, December 09, 2008
Saturday, December 06, 2008
Wednesday, December 03, 2008
Friday, November 21, 2008
Thursday, November 20, 2008
hmm... nov. 25... why should that date ring a bell with me...?
oh yeah. almost forgot.
Nine Inch Nails - Lights In The Sky 2008 tour ad from Nine Inch Nails on Vimeo.
Nine Inch Nails - Lights In The Sky 2008 tour ad from Nine Inch Nails on Vimeo.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Saturday, November 08, 2008
i am absolutely...
... not functioning today. do you ever feel like your back is about to break (figuratively, not literally)? trying to anticipate problems and solve problems and no matter what you do, you are left cleaning up a mess??? (this is in no way relating to oskar's bodily functions.)
i'm just tired of being as strong as i have to be all the time. bah.
i'm just tired of being as strong as i have to be all the time. bah.
what i can't stop listening to...
Never Think by Rob Pattinson (from the movie Twilight). good stuff.
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
abbey and oskar...
for having two different dads, my two kids look a lot alike as babies...
they aren't clones or anything, but for being half-sibs, they are pretty similar.
they aren't clones or anything, but for being half-sibs, they are pretty similar.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Friday, October 24, 2008
holy crap. CANNOT WAIT UNTIL NOV. 25!
some info from MomentFactory on how they did what they did for NIN's shows (interactive stage shows)... 3:07 will freak your shit, but the whole thing is kick ass.
this is where a fella from MomentFactory explains the magic... 3:34 is especially interesting.
this is where a fella from MomentFactory explains the magic... 3:34 is especially interesting.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
one year.
oskar is sleeping in the sling right now and the poor kid's head is damp from my weepy nature. bram embodied unconditional love and friendship. i know i'm not alone when i say that a part of me is missing since he left.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
this is so cool...
the larson family, back to the days of denmark.
you can see where we come in at number 60.
you can see where we come in at number 60.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Thursday, October 09, 2008
ugh.
i want to slap that wink off of her face."hockey moms and joe sixpacks..."
i can't even BEGIN to express my hatred right now. especially when i KNOW there are houses in this country where, in the tv room, there is some douchebag yelling, "yeah! let's hear it for us joesixpacks! wooo!" (my money is on his face being painted for a sports team.)
i do, however, enjoy watching mccain wander around aimlessly during a townhall meeting.
seriously?
laura ingraham just called the leader of iran "far left" on the fox network, when discussing why these "far left" guys like obama.
that's what we get for turning on the fox channel to just see what the crazies are saying.
that's what we get for turning on the fox channel to just see what the crazies are saying.
Tuesday, October 07, 2008
real-time, completely biased debate commentary.
mccain told an audience member that he had (the audience guy) probably "never heard of them (fannie mae and freddie mac) before this crisis." crappy assumption that the average "joe six-pack" wouldn't know of those companies. i knew of them as an 18 year old getting a student loan.
mccain: a $5000 tax credit for health care -- that goes DIRECTLY to the insurance company -- and then you still have to make up for the other roughly $7000 for health care? oh, and your health benefits are TAXED? gross. oh, i can cross state lines to get health care? THAT'S convenient. i'm sure THAT won't cause any corporate red-tape kind of shit. i can barely get things approved from my company that is IN THIS VERY CITY.
i don't know how much more of this i can take.
mccain: a $5000 tax credit for health care -- that goes DIRECTLY to the insurance company -- and then you still have to make up for the other roughly $7000 for health care? oh, and your health benefits are TAXED? gross. oh, i can cross state lines to get health care? THAT'S convenient. i'm sure THAT won't cause any corporate red-tape kind of shit. i can barely get things approved from my company that is IN THIS VERY CITY.
i don't know how much more of this i can take.
Monday, October 06, 2008
some quick thoughts before bed...
not much time to write lately --- funny how caring for an infant can eat up time. here are some things on my brain...
1. sarah palin. you evil, evil thing. just because you didn't vomit all over yourself at the podium DOES NOT MEAN that you tied in the debate, let alone WON the debate. and i'm sick of people who think otherwise.
2. again, sarah palin. shame, shame on you. for so many reasons.
3. and to you john mccain -- shame on you. you could run a clean, slander-free campaign, but you didn't. you are selling your soul and it's shameful.
4. tina fey, i want to be like you when i grow up.
5. this is neither here nor there, but oskar is sleeping next to me right now and his little bare feet are on my arm. awww....
6. i have the best kids in the world.
must sleep.
1. sarah palin. you evil, evil thing. just because you didn't vomit all over yourself at the podium DOES NOT MEAN that you tied in the debate, let alone WON the debate. and i'm sick of people who think otherwise.
2. again, sarah palin. shame, shame on you. for so many reasons.
3. and to you john mccain -- shame on you. you could run a clean, slander-free campaign, but you didn't. you are selling your soul and it's shameful.
4. tina fey, i want to be like you when i grow up.
5. this is neither here nor there, but oskar is sleeping next to me right now and his little bare feet are on my arm. awww....
6. i have the best kids in the world.
must sleep.
Wednesday, October 01, 2008
can't wait to watch thursday night's freak show!
excerpt from katie couric interview with palin:
And asked about reports that one of the churches she attends has encouraged gays to become straight, Palin referred again to her own life. "I am not going to judge Americans and the decisions that they make in their adult personal relationships," she said. "I have ... one of my absolute best friends for the last 30 years who happens to be gay. And I love her dearly. And she is not my gay friend, she is one of my best friends who happens to have made a choice that isn't a choice that I have made."
a CHOICE! see? if you don't wanna be gay, just CHOOSE not to be! SIMPLE! and if you are gay, it's because you've CHOSEN it.
Couric: And when it comes to establishing your worldview, I was curious, what newspapers and magazines did you regularly read before you were tapped for this to stay informed and to understand the world?
Palin: I've read most of them, again with a great appreciation for the press, for the media.
Couric: What, specifically?
Palin: Um, all of them, any of them that have been in front of me all these years.
Couric: Can you name a few?
Palin: I have a vast variety of sources where we get our news, too. Alaska isn't a foreign country, where it's kind of suggested, "Wow, how could you keep in touch with what the rest of Washington, D.C., may be thinking when you live up there in Alaska?" Believe me, Alaska is like a microcosm of America.
i think she realized that answering honestly to the magazine question -- Redbook, Family Circle, Better Homes & Garden -- MIGHT shoot down her credibility as a world leader.And asked about reports that one of the churches she attends has encouraged gays to become straight, Palin referred again to her own life. "I am not going to judge Americans and the decisions that they make in their adult personal relationships," she said. "I have ... one of my absolute best friends for the last 30 years who happens to be gay. And I love her dearly. And she is not my gay friend, she is one of my best friends who happens to have made a choice that isn't a choice that I have made."
a CHOICE! see? if you don't wanna be gay, just CHOOSE not to be! SIMPLE! and if you are gay, it's because you've CHOSEN it.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Friday, September 19, 2008
Friday, September 12, 2008
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Tuesday, September 09, 2008
Thursday, September 04, 2008
Wednesday, September 03, 2008
wise words from those beastie boys...
"party people, just wanted to reach out and make sure everyone is registered to vote this year. in many states you need to register well ahead of time. this is a friendly reminder so you don't get caught with your pants down. let's get obama into that oval office and get things back on track.
adam, mike and adam"
i just tried to watch a smidgen of the RNC -- guiliani was speaking -- and i couldn't do it. he was busy making obama sound elitist, so instead of ramming my fist into the tv screen, i changed the channel.
fox news in minneapolis was reporting that there is concern that a rage against the machine concert might bring out rage in concert-goers. yeah, it must just be from the concert... no other reason that people would be pissed off. not a bit.
adam, mike and adam"
i just tried to watch a smidgen of the RNC -- guiliani was speaking -- and i couldn't do it. he was busy making obama sound elitist, so instead of ramming my fist into the tv screen, i changed the channel.
fox news in minneapolis was reporting that there is concern that a rage against the machine concert might bring out rage in concert-goers. yeah, it must just be from the concert... no other reason that people would be pissed off. not a bit.
Tuesday, September 02, 2008
shame on you, st, paul police....
assaulting and arresting journalists? really? has it come to that? i understand that you'd be pissy about some asshats busting windows in downtown, but just like the RNC, journalists (AND protestors) have every fucking right to be in st. paul.
tonight we drove to st. paul to check out the chaos a bit -- we seemed to always be on the cusp of something going on -- mostly just stuck in traffic, nowhere to park and honestly, with the way the police are tossing tear gas around willy-nilly, i was okay with not being in the midst of the crap (esp. with the wee oskar in the car). at one point we were stopped and after a march went down a street, it was followed by a couple of cop wagons, cops on bikes AND cops on horseback. then we drove around some more, mostly b/c all of the usual routes i knew to get home were blocked off. when we were on kellogg and getting closer to the xcel center, it was all fenced off and there were national guard looking fellas standing every five feet or so. it looks like a military base landed in the middle of downtown.
finally we found an interstate exit, but riot police began to block it off in front of us. we drove around and then at another intersection we were stopped and there was about 20-50 (dark, so hard to tell) riot cops lined up. photographers began heading in that direction, so again i think there was something going on. however in our car oskar was beginning to seriously lose his shit (between teething, being gassy and over-tired, he was pretty upset) so we u-turned the hell out of there and finally found a street not blockaded.
it's definitely crazy, the crap that is going on. did they have stuff like this going on in denver, and maybe we just didn't hear about it? there just appears to be some excessive force being used against protesters. and journalists. and anyone who happens to have a camera.
gripe 2 of the day... the whinerbabies who are still pissy that hillary didn't get the nomination, and they are such fucking idiots that they are backing mccain. do you think for a second that, had hillary gotten the nomination, that obama backers would say "waaah! our guy didn't get it! now we need to back mccain even though it goes against our interests!" ??? NO. NO FUCKING WAY. if i seem hostile about this point,... well, it's because i am.
MORE WHINERBABIES. man up, take one for the team. if hillary can move on, i reckon you can too.
if you fuck this up for the rest of us, it will be on your head that we move full-steam ahead even faster to hell in this crappy little handbasket. idiots. bah.
okay, last gripe o' the day. i'm glad Obama -- as always -- took the high road on Palin's daughter's pregnancy and said family is off limits. the high road is what won him the nomination, i believe. with that said, what do you think would have happened had bill and hillary's daughter chelsea was "in the family way" during bill's years in office? can you even fathom the fallout from that?
i have a lot on my mind and it's all bubbling up to the surface. no one is safe from my wrath. bah.
tonight we drove to st. paul to check out the chaos a bit -- we seemed to always be on the cusp of something going on -- mostly just stuck in traffic, nowhere to park and honestly, with the way the police are tossing tear gas around willy-nilly, i was okay with not being in the midst of the crap (esp. with the wee oskar in the car). at one point we were stopped and after a march went down a street, it was followed by a couple of cop wagons, cops on bikes AND cops on horseback. then we drove around some more, mostly b/c all of the usual routes i knew to get home were blocked off. when we were on kellogg and getting closer to the xcel center, it was all fenced off and there were national guard looking fellas standing every five feet or so. it looks like a military base landed in the middle of downtown.
finally we found an interstate exit, but riot police began to block it off in front of us. we drove around and then at another intersection we were stopped and there was about 20-50 (dark, so hard to tell) riot cops lined up. photographers began heading in that direction, so again i think there was something going on. however in our car oskar was beginning to seriously lose his shit (between teething, being gassy and over-tired, he was pretty upset) so we u-turned the hell out of there and finally found a street not blockaded.
it's definitely crazy, the crap that is going on. did they have stuff like this going on in denver, and maybe we just didn't hear about it? there just appears to be some excessive force being used against protesters. and journalists. and anyone who happens to have a camera.
gripe 2 of the day... the whinerbabies who are still pissy that hillary didn't get the nomination, and they are such fucking idiots that they are backing mccain. do you think for a second that, had hillary gotten the nomination, that obama backers would say "waaah! our guy didn't get it! now we need to back mccain even though it goes against our interests!" ??? NO. NO FUCKING WAY. if i seem hostile about this point,... well, it's because i am.
MORE WHINERBABIES. man up, take one for the team. if hillary can move on, i reckon you can too.
if you fuck this up for the rest of us, it will be on your head that we move full-steam ahead even faster to hell in this crappy little handbasket. idiots. bah.
okay, last gripe o' the day. i'm glad Obama -- as always -- took the high road on Palin's daughter's pregnancy and said family is off limits. the high road is what won him the nomination, i believe. with that said, what do you think would have happened had bill and hillary's daughter chelsea was "in the family way" during bill's years in office? can you even fathom the fallout from that?
i have a lot on my mind and it's all bubbling up to the surface. no one is safe from my wrath. bah.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
update...
life is calming down a little bit after a pretty nutso two days. calm is good. i like calm. so yes, crystal, things are okay now.
Monday, August 25, 2008
Sunday, August 24, 2008
some thoughts.
i think of myself -- and have always thought of myself -- as broken, for the most part. i'm functional, clever, blah blah blah, but there are parts of me that will always be somewhat in pieces. and when you think of yourself in this manner, it makes the idea that you are capable of growing a complete person inside of you difficult to believe.
early on in my pregnancy with abbey, it was almost impossible to comprehend that anything healthy and beautiful could come from my tobacco-coated, prescription drug-laden, alcohol soaked and somewhat carved-up self. and i recall nursing her in bed when she was a few months old, and being so taken in by her. there was this small person, completely formed, no broken parts, and she had come from ME, of all places.
this feeling happened tonight. in bed, nursing oskar, and i remembered the sound of his heart when he was still in fetus stage. then i touched his chest to feel his heartbeat and i was mesmerized by his bones -- his rib cage, specifically. then i just studied him in disbelief. sure, this time around i was not tobacco-coated upon conceiving this baby, but still my usual, broken, in-pieces self... and here's the little boy with the correct numbers of digits, both eyes, no extra body part or tails of any type.
i don't say it often (mostly b/c i'm afraid i'm tempting fate and if i say it, it somehow opens the door for life to come in and kick me in the head), but i have a very, very good life. from all my fucked-up parts, all my neuroses and my flaws and my complications and issues and broken pieces, two completely amazing children have come into my life, as a result of my life. (not that i solely made them, but you know what i mean.) my very existence made them exist.
i can't wrap my head around that. but i know to say that i'm lucky is a complete understatement.
early on in my pregnancy with abbey, it was almost impossible to comprehend that anything healthy and beautiful could come from my tobacco-coated, prescription drug-laden, alcohol soaked and somewhat carved-up self. and i recall nursing her in bed when she was a few months old, and being so taken in by her. there was this small person, completely formed, no broken parts, and she had come from ME, of all places.
this feeling happened tonight. in bed, nursing oskar, and i remembered the sound of his heart when he was still in fetus stage. then i touched his chest to feel his heartbeat and i was mesmerized by his bones -- his rib cage, specifically. then i just studied him in disbelief. sure, this time around i was not tobacco-coated upon conceiving this baby, but still my usual, broken, in-pieces self... and here's the little boy with the correct numbers of digits, both eyes, no extra body part or tails of any type.
i don't say it often (mostly b/c i'm afraid i'm tempting fate and if i say it, it somehow opens the door for life to come in and kick me in the head), but i have a very, very good life. from all my fucked-up parts, all my neuroses and my flaws and my complications and issues and broken pieces, two completely amazing children have come into my life, as a result of my life. (not that i solely made them, but you know what i mean.) my very existence made them exist.
i can't wrap my head around that. but i know to say that i'm lucky is a complete understatement.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
wha...? an actual blog post?
of course now that i've typed the post title, lil' Oskar has begun to stir. figures.
so what's new in my life? besides trying to master the skill of the double breast pump (damn near impossible with what i've got to work with), not a whole hell of a lot. i was going through a whole "which pill should i take?" situation when i finally resolved that going back on prozac is for the best. oskar is older now and can handle the wee dose i'm taking --- the benefits WAY outweigh any possible risk, so we're moving ahead with that.
fall is on the way here and although it is my favorite season, fall is usually riddled with all sorts of head problems for me -- but it seems like it will be less this year. it was kicking my ass last fall (as it usually does) and then bram died. that really changed EVERYTHING. it changed how i think about stuff, how i worry about stuff, how i feel about people and how i express to people how i feel about them. it put all that head shit on the back burner and now i feel like -- for the first time ever -- it's staying on the back burner. i know it's always going to be there, but that horrible crap is less important than everything else. that fucker gets no more of my life and no more of what little sanity remains in this grey matter of mine. (that's right, i spell it GREY, now GRAY. i also spell theatre with an RE. unless it's a movie theater. that's different. but i digress.)
so i'm re-medicated (b/c i found zoloft to be as useful as tic-tacs) and my anxieties are better already. never realized how i'm so uncomfortably close to being a hypochondriac. i had the aura migraine a few weeks ago and since then i was horribly obsessed with "what if another one comes" that i was making myself sick over it. then i was worried about my heart and cholesterol and basically anything that could that happen to the point where i was just a wreck. it's a little known bit that, while pregnant, i actually went to urgent care b/c i was having chest pains and freaking out that i was having a heart attack. irrational? completely. but that didn't make it any less scary.
dude, i need to sleep.
it feels nice to write again. more to come in the not-so distant future.
so what's new in my life? besides trying to master the skill of the double breast pump (damn near impossible with what i've got to work with), not a whole hell of a lot. i was going through a whole "which pill should i take?" situation when i finally resolved that going back on prozac is for the best. oskar is older now and can handle the wee dose i'm taking --- the benefits WAY outweigh any possible risk, so we're moving ahead with that.
fall is on the way here and although it is my favorite season, fall is usually riddled with all sorts of head problems for me -- but it seems like it will be less this year. it was kicking my ass last fall (as it usually does) and then bram died. that really changed EVERYTHING. it changed how i think about stuff, how i worry about stuff, how i feel about people and how i express to people how i feel about them. it put all that head shit on the back burner and now i feel like -- for the first time ever -- it's staying on the back burner. i know it's always going to be there, but that horrible crap is less important than everything else. that fucker gets no more of my life and no more of what little sanity remains in this grey matter of mine. (that's right, i spell it GREY, now GRAY. i also spell theatre with an RE. unless it's a movie theater. that's different. but i digress.)
so i'm re-medicated (b/c i found zoloft to be as useful as tic-tacs) and my anxieties are better already. never realized how i'm so uncomfortably close to being a hypochondriac. i had the aura migraine a few weeks ago and since then i was horribly obsessed with "what if another one comes" that i was making myself sick over it. then i was worried about my heart and cholesterol and basically anything that could that happen to the point where i was just a wreck. it's a little known bit that, while pregnant, i actually went to urgent care b/c i was having chest pains and freaking out that i was having a heart attack. irrational? completely. but that didn't make it any less scary.
dude, i need to sleep.
it feels nice to write again. more to come in the not-so distant future.
Monday, August 11, 2008
Friday, August 01, 2008
stupid summer colds!!!!
from nin.com:
"8.01.2008: NIN Minneapolis show at Target Center postponed to November 25th
The concert is being rescheduled for Tuesday, November 25th, 2008 at Target Center. All tickets purchased for the August 2nd concert will be honored on the new date. For those unable to attend the rescheduled date of November 25th, a refund will be available at original point of purchase.
Thank you very much for your understanding."
*tear*
"8.01.2008: NIN Minneapolis show at Target Center postponed to November 25th
We regret to announce that due to illness, the Minneapolis show originally scheduled for Saturday, August 2nd at the Target Center has been postponed due to illness. The band is sincerely sorry for the last minute announcement, but after receiving doctor's orders not to perform, Trent has reluctantly agreed to the postponement.
The concert is being rescheduled for Tuesday, November 25th, 2008 at Target Center. All tickets purchased for the August 2nd concert will be honored on the new date. For those unable to attend the rescheduled date of November 25th, a refund will be available at original point of purchase.
Thank you very much for your understanding."
*tear*
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
