5:34 a.m....

yep, awake. ate a cheese sandwich and drank some orange juice.

sighhhhhh.

statcounter is funny because you can use different functions to track who is viewing your blog, and one of the ways is by referral url. for instance, if someone types "monkey" into google and i happened to have written the word "monkey" in my blog, it'll show up. here are a couple examples of what people type that will bring up my blog:

Cameron Crowe (not too odd)
Kari Larson Blog (again, not strange)
Baby Fish Mouth Soccer (WHAT?)

yes, i do have the words "Baby Fish Mouth" in my blog -- they actually describe my friend Bram's blog -- but who in the WORLD does a search for Baby Fish Mouth Soccer? what does that even mean? why bring it up?

5:44. i would REALLY like to fall back to sleep.

in other news, stuff is changing 'round these parts. again, no specifics, but change is definitely in the works, and it will require much kick-assery on my part. remember how i asked for finger-crossing? i'm now to the next stage of this...now i need crossing of everything -- legs, eyes, the works. if it happens... it will KICK SO MUCH ASS. so much. seriously.

i think i actually feel drowsy right now -- it's magic time!

cnn breaking news....

so my cnn.com widget just announced that someone has been arrested for in the disappearance of an ohio mother...Bobby Cutts, Jr.

is anyone really surprised that someone named Bobby Cutts, Jr., is under suspicion? is that mean of me to say?

is it that a grown man is called Bobby..or is it the unfortunate last name of Cutts? maybe it's a combination of the two.

(yes, i know i'm totally going to burn in hell for these kinds of thoughts. oh well. i'll take all of you with me.)

Mabel has won 50% of her battles!

we're so proud of our little Mabel!

something i'm gonna try

so i've noticed on meetup.com that there are a lot of people who want to be a part of a group for people with BPD... so guess what? i'm doing just that. on monday i'll be meeting with a few people to discuss getting a regular, monthly group going. why? 'cause us crazies have to stick together, that's why.

no, it's just that i think a characteristic of bpd --- the intense sensitivity -- keeps borderlines from recognizing patterns of behavior in themselves, but makes it very easy to see it in others. and we not be doing any sort of therapy of any kind, just talking about stuff and how we deal with it.

as for my saturday agenda: a trip to a thrift store with the sister!

rejected titles for the new Indiana Jones

Indiana Jones and His Liver Spots

Indiana Jones and the Missing Social Security Check

Indiana Jones and the Senior Platter at Denny's

Indiana Jones and the Complex Medicare Bill Part D

Indiana Jones and the Arthritic Hip

Indiana Jones and the Golf Range of Doom

Indiana Jones and the Cask of Metamucil

Indiana Jones Vs. the Hooligans on the Lawn

Indiana Jones and the Fateful Whist Hand

(come on everyone... i know you've got some to add to the list...)

sighhhh...the weekend...

sitting around...might go to a movie, might not. it's mighty comfy on the couch. and, by the way, the finger crossing/foot rubbing is working thus far, so KEEP IT UP!

my dog is whining. CONSTANTLY. i feed her. i water her. i let her outside and STILL she bitches and whines. i'm just not in the mood for it.

"practical magic" is on and while it is not a great movie, it's distracting from the stress of the week... and that's all i need right now.

oh, and maybe a hershey bar.

i'm not superstitious, but....

...if anyone has a lucky rabbit's foot (a faux one, not real, b/c that is icky) please begin rubbing it. there is something really cool that might happen and by god, i need all the luck i can get.

i'll keep you posted when i know more. but for now, GET RUBBING!

quote of the day

courtesy of jege's hubby:

"The first rule about Fight Club is, Don't Talk about Fight Club. The second rule about Fight Club is, don't ask about the "Fight Club"-embossed pink soap; it's not for sale."

dedicated to jurgennation!

i got an email tonight from a friend who is dealing with some asshat who wants to get out the word that there are some things that shouldn't be blogged. while i can agree to a very limited extent (for example, proclaiming that hidden admiration for michael bolton or steven segal is never in good form), a blog at it's very best is really about the writer's life, and who is this ASSHAT to judge what makes for good reading material? "booo, i don't think things like that are funny...wahhhhh...."

guess what, genius: sometimes things are written and although the writing is witty and sharp and clever, it doesn't mean that what is written is a joke or a punchline in any way. it is a reflection of the way someone deals with what is going on in their life.

so to my stacy of jurgennation, keep on keepin' on, dollface.

karaoke night. yes, another one.

BAD CHOICES.

i am ILL. i drank last night to blow off a little steam from some stress i've been dealing with lately. there was karaoke and my darling friend, terry. there was also Sauza. which, even though it looks just like water, drinking it as though it is water is a BAD CHOICE. BAD.

i am now eating very bland food. feel as though i've been punched in the stomach, and it's my own damn fault.

soccer has begun!

karaoke: always a good time

footage to come, but for now, some pictures. and by "some" i mean "two."

making decisions has never been my strong suit

sometimes you have to think about a lot of stuff to make a simple decision. should i dye and/or cut my hair? this will not be answered until i've created sixteen photoshop versions of my head with different styles. should i buy a pair of shoes? even after i've tried on roughly sixty pairs at five different stores i may not walk out with them, simply b/c i don't like to spend money on shoes. they have to be THE PERFECT SHOES. and when making larger decisions, i mentally make a pros/cons list. i weigh everything to come up with not just the best decision for me, but for all concerned.

so now i'm at another crossroads where i'm weighing the pros and cons. and while all signs point to "yes" on one front, there are a couple of really compelling reasons to go the other direction. actually just one. one really compelling reason to choose one way instead of the other. and while i can't get into specifics, suffice it to say that i have that weird, pit of my stomach kind of feeling that tells me this will be a really, really tough decision.

yes, that's right, i'm picking out nail polish.

the worst thing i've seen in a long time.

the new marilyn manson video... basically him nailing his girlfriend for the first two minutes.

*gagging*

this might be one of the best kiss scenes. ever.

girly movies. sort of.

"brokeback mountain" is on, which means that in about an hour and a half i'll be weeping like a girl. wait...i am a girl. i guess my weeping will be entirely appropriate.

i think i have a very short list of movies that i consider to be great love stories. some have happy endings, some do not. here is the list i have:

• brokeback mountain
• secretary
• punch drunk love
• eternal sunshine of the spotless mind

and i know that there are more, but these are the ones that stick out in my mind. i do have a thing for any movie that pairs katherine hepburn and spencer tracy, also.

10 minutes into this movie and the soundtrack is already making me... melancholy.

(i'm now awaiting the two or more comments that will feature a variation of the phrase "i wish i knew how to quit you...")

Happy Father's Day to my Pa!

innnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnsomniaaaaaaaaa!!!

fell asleep early tonight. then woke up and NOW I CAN'T SLEEP. crap.

is that really insomnia, or just bad nap planning on my part?

props to sarah for this!!!!

it is on!

my name is kari and i have a runny nose

still watching Hamlet. and it's still very good. but now i feel like being mindless. not in a fox news type way. now comes "just like heaven" because i can't help myself.

i feel like changing my hair color. any suggestions, anyone?

the We tv channel kinda sucks.

so i'm channel surfing. and bill o'reilly is a douchebag.

if i hear the phrase "liberal media bias" one more time, i really can't be held responsible for my actions. i kid you not.

oh good...sean "i want to hannitize america" hannity is on the campaign trail with rudy giuliani. i just think i need to watch something mindless.

wait. this is fox news. maybe i'm already doing that.

oh wow. Hamlet is on TV. the kenneth branagh version. gooooood stuff.

what was i doing one year ago?

this is a little game i call "looking back at my archives to see what's different in my life."

let's see....
wow. this is completely unexciting. a blog post about how i wasn't blogging very much. but there are some photos involved, so i guess that's fun.

our evening: the rev. paul and dustin are playing "medal of honor." dustin and i worked on andy's site for a bit and took in a little bit of the ol' Southern Comfort. i've not tasted this for at least a decade. it's like candy in a glass. but liquid. and makes you believe you are a superhero. and inhibits your ability to drive. but other than that...JUST like candy.

"hold on, don't shoot yet....lemme switch weapons..."

good one, rev. paul...i'm sure that's how they handle things in actual wartime.

i just tried my hand at this game...TOO MANY BUTTONS. i need an atari system, with two buttons and one joystick and THAT'S ALL. this newfangled contraption? too much work.

"luckily god's on my side..."

crap. midnight. i'm sleepy. another day of work tomorrow. the battle wages on...

DUDE i'm completely awake

4:46 a.m. at this very moment. really really really trying to get back to sleep -- alas, it's not meant to be. i am making a list of movies i want to see. i'll share that list with you now and then you tell me if you wanna go.

Waitress (dude, i heart nathan fillion.)
Bug
Hostel II (maybe i wanna see this. not sure yet.)
License To Wed (Dude! it's JIM!)
Halloween (rob zombie version due out this august...hurrah!)

i'd still like to check out Disturbia (maybe at the cheap theater)

the kiddo is super excited about Nancy Drew, so i'm sure we'll be doing that at some point.

movies i don't plan on seeing:
Surf's Up (even if andy said it's good. just doesn't appeal to my bitter, blackened soul.)
Shrek the Third (we get it...you are an ogre. mike myers, please begin to act again. soon.)
Pirates of the Caribbean 3 (YAWN. i'm not much for swashbuckling lately.)

movies i'm on the fence about:
Ocean's Thirteen (haven't yet watched Ocean's Twelve...but i do like me the Clooney.)

how, HOW do weekends go so fast? it makes me sad.

hey, know what i'd really like? to FREAKING SLEEP. this "up at 4 a.m." thing is for the birds.

it's now 5:06. i think that, if i really really try, i can maybe sleep now.

too much on the mind, i suppose.

a really bad day

horribly bad day. an incredibly bad day and the only remedy is Shaun of the Dead and some Sauza. change is in the wind but i'm not sure how quite yet. but keep your fingers crossed for me because i need all the finger-crossing i can get, yo.

desperately seeking new hairstyle

1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
vote for your favorite (forgive my poor photoshop work, i'm tired.) cut it? grow it? grow it and dye it? (okay, i'd never dye it blond. i like having dark hair too much.)

oh. mi. god.

a new chapter in "Where Are The Child Stars Now?"

what i've learned today

if you are even slightly, SLIGHTLY melancholy, listening to Morrissey is a BIG mistake. (case in point: Sing Me to Sleep. a bad choice.)

what you might find in my kitchen

this fellow used to be on our living room floor. now suddenly he's on our countertop, arms outstretched. what happens when i go to work???

what i’ve discovered today:

as long as you are listening to Nick Cave’s “Red Right Hand,” anything you do will feel infinitely cooler.

as far as Batman goes...

... Michael Keaton pretty much ruled. (that's what i'm watching today while anxiously awaiting the arrival of one derek smith. yay!

this is post 1401!

my daughter is really effing cool...

because she knows that wearing pants with words on the butt makes you look like a tramp.

sighhhh......

poor dixie!

our puppy began doing some weird, fluid-coming-out-of-her-mouth gagging type thing tonight which was odd, but then followed by some seriously fast panting. so, after a trip to the vet we come to find that she has pneumonia. poor puppy! they gave her an uber-dose of antibiotic and we start pills for her tomorrow. the vet said she should be feeling better tomorrow, so we'll see.

oh, puppy!

i'd like to state that...

...only having work four days in the week is outstanding. i'm giddy that tomorrow is already wednesday. and here's a shout out to Taquito Benito on his big day of moving tomorrow! lift with your legs, not with your back, my friend!

tomorrow is also our first visit to the orthodontist for the kiddo. yes, that time is upon us. hopefully we can push it off for another year or so, but those types are pretty insistent and i buckle under peer pressure. (most pressure causes me to buckle, actually.)

i'm tired. and slightly queasy on account of the massive brownie i just ate... but it was SO GOOD!

i just remembered Mr. Food from KMOT in minot. his line was "ooh, it's so good..." and he said it after everything he could. i wonder if he's still on. anyone know? if you have info, offer it up...but for now i'll check out The Google.

holy CRAPBALLS! he has a site with a sound link on it! DIG IT!!!

yeah, that's the voice i want in my head as i'm drifting off to sleep...Mr. Food.



sleep well, kiddies.

a jaws-filled day

and THIS is really funny, but i can't embed it.

since i seemed to miss the first Jaws earlier today...

i'm gonna watch it RIGHT NOW! this is one shark-filled day, my friends. i just made brownies, ate a salad and put my feet up on the coffee table (i don't actually have an ottoman, so i improvise).

i'm considering jogging. why? i don't know. at all. something about it appeals to me, just the motion of going nowhere but burning off stress. yeah, my knees will probably implode with the force of an atomic bomb, but i think i can live with that.

it's 7 p.m. and i'm becoming melancholy over having to work tomorrow. i know everyone has to work. and i just have to get through one more month and then i've got some vacation coming in early july. and the month of may went by pretty quickly, so the beginning of my vacation, july 3, is just around the corner.

but i'm still melancholy. what can help break this melancholy mood? THE ORIGINAL JAWS MOVIE, THAT'S WHAT!

it may seem as though i didn't do a lot today. however i have done a few loads of laundry, picked up some groceries, showered, ummmmmm.... crap. not much accomplished.

but i'm learning a lot about shark behavior.

maybe not. but i'm learning a lot about the behavior of mechanical sharks in movie studio pools.

HOLY SHIT!

"that's some bad hat, harry" was just said by Chief Brody! THIS is where it comes from! to preface this, that line is spoken as a part of the production company after each House episode. hey! i've learned something today!

the last half hour of Jaws 2 and...*UPDATED*

...it's so awesome! the helicopter is about to tow the stranded teenagers to safety and the shark attacks the chopper...that is still tied to the stranded boat! DAMN! and there's the shark, spinning the boat around and around ... and then quiet..wait for it...BAM! get the kid to safety! good job saving that kid, anonymous teenage girl...who is about to have her legs chewed on...eek!

DAMN this rules.

*THIS JUST IN: Jaws III to start momentarily, with Jaws the Revenge to follow! YESSSS! Where are my 3-D glasses when i need them???*

what a great freaking quote!

"it's still there...."

"tina...what's still there?'

"sh...sh...sh...sh...SHARK!"

(Jaw 2, yo.)

i remember playing with this when i was really little:



i remember using the hook to fish stuff out of the shark's mouth and if you weren't too careful, SNAP! it was great.

i love, LOVE days off, and i'm even tempted to track down one of those Jaws toys.

guess who i'm really sick of?

i really liked lindsay lohan back in the Freaky Friday days. even in the Mean Girls days, even though it began her Tarted Up® phase.

that being said..... another car accident? and BIG SHOCK, suspected DUI and coke found on the scene? i'm a forgiving person, but for FUCK'S SAKE, i hope she goes to jail. know why? BECAUSE I NO LONGER HAVE THE TOLERANCE FOR WHINY-ASS BABY RICH GIRLS WHO ACT AS THOUGH THEY CAN DO WHAT THEY PLEASE WITH LITTLE TO NO CONSEQUENCE. having a set of funbags and a tight ass will only get you so far, lindsay.

you come from a broken home? WAH. no one understands the pressure you face? WAH.

you know what happens to me if i party so much that i can't go to work because of exhaustion? i get fired. know what happens to me if i get into one (let alone, SEVERAL car accidents)? my car is wrecked and i don't get another one. what happens if they find what might be cocaine on me? i got to fucking jail. AND lose my job. AND i won't see a license until the next century.

but you, you spoiled fucking brat, it's time someone sat you up and set you straight. everyone is tired of your shit. EVERYONE. so man the fuck up and get your shit together. if none of your friends will tell you to stop acting like a total fucking ass, then maybe the general public should.

end rant.

what i watch at 2 a.m.

james woods is pretty bad-ass in this movie.


it even co-stars a lesser baldwin!


and laura palmer!



so i did the late afternoon nap thing today...which explains why i'm wide-freaking awake at 2:07 a.m.

happiness defined: long weekend with no loss of wages. hurrah for paid holidays!

this from captain narcolepsy

in the words of john hughes not the director, "What kind of selection process do you think they use?"

something fantastic to read

jege said it all.

my cyst-less finger!

so remember when i had that cyst removed, and then i had those cool stitches in place? WELL today my finger looked a little...irritated. not irritated like i had left the milk out overnight but irritated like there was something wrong with it. then i push on it and prod it a little bit and a wee bit of stitching popped out of it! it was CRAZY. and i wanted to post a picture of it, but it's so thin and short that there's no way the image will turn out. so just imagine, if you will, a small, blue piece of plastic-like string working it's way out of my finger the way a piece of bread comes out of a toaster.
CRAZY.

i just saw a really clever commercial

it's for Absolute Vodka. it involves riots and the public fighting the military...but with PILLOWS. i kid you not. CLEVER. especially since booze commercials just show scantily clad women for the most part, yet this one shows PILLOW FIGHTS. what does it have to do with vodka? i'm not even sure. but i'm SOLD!

trent sticks it to the man!

this is a good read.

why my husband is a better person than i

because while he is watching this german-made documentary on kuwait and the damage it sustained after the gulf war (the one in the '90s), all i want to do is watch Jackass.

some days i don't have the energy for it. and i know i care about what is happening in this scary fucking world, but today i'm tired. today if i hear about war, i'll cry. dustin seems to have a better handle on his anger/frustration about all of this, b/c there is no way i could read/watch/listen to all he does on a daily basis and not just light myself on fire in front of the white house while wearing a Guy Fawkes mask. we don't want that, do we?

so that's why i can't do what he does.

and maybe that makes me a total lazy ass some days and makes him a better, more well-informed citizen than i.

the highlight of our night

"pain don't hurt."
"my way...or the highway."
"you're too stupid to have a good time."
"does a hobby horse have a wooden dick?"

courtesy of ROAD HOUSE!

a short weekend, a long day

today was one of those days in which plenty of work was done, but it all seems to be a blur. it was one of those days where i felt like i was only half there, with my mind in other places. actually, that isn't what it was like, that's exactly what it was...i was only half there. a variety of reasons, nothing i have the energy to go into right now.

i'm hungry but not enough to get up off the couch. and HEY! "the wedding singer" is on tv. see? one more reason not to leave this warm spot.

but now the dog is scratching at the door. so i have to let her out. which means i MUST MOVE OFF OF THE COUCH. damn it.

is there a rule...

that there is a sheryl crowe song in every diane lane movie? is there?

behold the awesome-ness of this movie!

SO glad we found this on the retroplex channel!

yes, i'm up late. why? probably because around 4 p.m. i thought it'd be a good idea to take a nap. and this nap went until 10 p.m.

it's gonna be a long night.

okay, THIS guy should be microwaved.

BASTARDO.

this man should be bitten. in half.

seriously. what a bat-shit crazy lunatic.

one thing you might not know about me

only 18 years until i'm 50!

other things that happened on may 9 besides my birth:

1868: Reno, Nevada, is founded

1887: Buffalo Bill Cody's Wild West Show opens in London.

1950: L. Ron Hubbard publishes his book on Dianetics.

hmm. scientology. i've been looking for a new way to look insane.

scenes from a party

sweet ellie-bear!


ellie-bear and her adoring parents.


dustin ridding the demons from ellie-bear's mind.


me and the sister. this is what we do sometimes.


oh, that terry and his shenanigans!


sing, sarah, SING!


me the Young MB.

Gap Unveils New "For Kids By Kids" Clothing Line

what was in his ear? *gagging*

i may never get past this.

i keep trying...

...to not drink coca-cola anymore. why? because it stacks on the calories. but it’s like crack. but not as bad as nicotine. oh yeah, i should update you that i’ve not smoked for 50 days, i think? it feels like A MILLION. (and yes, it still sucks.)

for your viewing (and listening) pleasure

a few words from Dustin

Ah, hell.

O.K. I need to vent. Perhaps I shouldn't be writing anything right now, because I'm so fucking pissed off this will surely be nothing but a belligerent rant.

So be it.

My hatred for Bush at this point simply knows no bounds. None. If he gets decapitated and his headless body is tossed in a dumpster somewhere, I will simply smile (and, should I happen to be eating a chili dog and a milkshake while passing said dumpster, I will toss them in and stroll along on my merry way).

The headlines right now read (I presume): BUSH CUTS OFF FUNDING FOR THE TROOPS, LEAVING THEM IN HARM’S WAY AND ENSURING A TERRORIST VICTORY!!!

(I know, I’m being silly: there’s not enough room for a headline that long.)

I think every media pundit has to start repeating on an hourly basis: "Bush actually DID vote for the Eleventy Seventy Gazillion -- BEFORE he voted AGAINST it!"

(The odds that this will happen? ... Free trip to "Club Gi™o" [as Rush would say] for the winning answer!)

O.K....

So more than 60% of the public (and surely 90+% of the world public) wants to see an end to the bloody and fruitless military occupation of Iraq. (Loons.) The majority in Congress decide to play make-believe for a little while and pretend that we actually live in a representative democracy, and so quickly pass a bill giving Bush even more money than he asked for to fund his obscene and imperial war of choice.

What does Bush do?

……..

O.K.: Here’s what he SHOULD have done:

BUSH: “Oh my god, I can’t thank you enough – I thought you were going to cut off funding, or … or worse! To IMPEACH me! I know my approval ratings have hovered at around 30-35% for the last couple years, and Dick’s at about 20%. I know this war is ridiculously unpopular, was launched on a flimsy pretext of lies and propaganda, has now lasted longer than our involvement in WWII with no end in sight, is draining our treasury, destroying our military, eroding what’s left of our confidence and has obliterated any support we may have once had on this planet… I know no sane person finds it credible that “faulty intelligence” led us into this war – and maybe I shouldn’t have given the Medal Of Freedom to the guy I constantly blame for the failure… But, but, but, … well, God Almighty! Just, thank you! Thank you! Please don’t investigate me! Please, please just keep the money flowin’ like this, and everything’ll be just fine!”…..

No. He doesn’t even condescend to the level of saying: “I appreciate that the Democrats have finally come around to realizing the significance of this War on Terror….” (Which is what I would have expected him to say.)

How naïve I am. No.

He fucking vetoes it.

Why?

Apparently he's an anti-American troop hater.

What's that?

Oh, that's not among the choices?

Oh, sorry, I FORGOT!: It's the DEMOCRATS who hate America and the troops.
And THAT'S why they want to bring them home to their families, and to hold accountable the elitist criminal chickenhawk thugs responsible for the troops BEING in the fucking war in the FIRST place! Clearly, they would like nothing more than for all our troops to be shot in the face and lit on fire while bleeding to death – nothing could be more apparent. And even if they actually DO want the troops to come home (which I highly doubt), it’s only because they want to shoot them in the face and/or strangle them to death THEMSELVES [before lighting them on fire] – so boundless is their hatred for our troops.

No, everyone knows how much Bush loves and "supports our troops." After all, he reminds us every chance he gets. (Golly, I wonder how many yellow ribbon magnets HE’S got on his limo??...)

He must have had some other reason...

It must have just been too much money -- those spend-thrift Democrats are picking the pocket of YOU, Mr. and Mrs. America! Hey! He didn't ask for THAT much! That's just outlandish, blowing up and/or lighting on fire THAT quantity of money in a crater in a desert 3000 miles away in order to liberate a people who want us to leave?! And NON-WHITE PEOPLE, at that??!! Stupid extravagant Democrats. It's the same old Tax and Spend (™) policy! ...
Oh, wait, BUSH is the one responsible for a projected $2 trillion decicit for his illegal and immoral war. (Or at the very least, without the further "emergency" funding, the current and uncontroversial figure is $400+ Billion…) And – oh, yeah! THAT'S right! It's Bush that is so competent and responsible with YOUR money that he has YET TO INCLUDE the funding for his half-assed war of aggression [on the one country in the region with no ties to terrorism] in the ACTUAL FEDERAL BUDGET! Oh yeah, I forgot about that! Well, he musta forgot. [Budget Schmudget – that’s what MY gut says!] THAT'S why he has to keep asking Congress every fucking year for another "Emergency Supplemental Spending Bill" – WHICH, if the Democrats even try to DEBATE or DISPUTE it — let alone raise questions about the real purpose being to steal from the poor and give to the rich oil-baron-and-weapons-contractor cronies of the Liar In Chief — then OF COURSE they don't "Support The Troops™”. ...

When the “Emergency Supplemental Iraq War Spending Bill of 2012” comes up for a vote, who do YOU think will vote against Our Troops? You guessed it. The DEMOCRATS. I’m willing to be my right nut on it. [And that’s my only nut, by the way.]

O.K. So, at this point not so much an "emergency," then. … That’s right, this is the fourth year running now… Hmm… Still… Hold on, now…..

Anyway. The point is, the Democrats hate America. They hate the flag, they hate baseball, they hate jazz, they hate Apple Pie, the DESPISE George Washington, and they HATE the troops. They love gay sex. Gays sex and baby killing: there’s nothing they love more. And, more importantly, they hate YOU, Mr. and Mrs. America! They think THEY know how to spend YOUR money better than YOU do — like for HELPING people!
Everyone knows that the way to HELP people — to LIBERATE them ¬— is to bomb them, destroy their country and its infrastructure, ignite and then help to escalate a bloody civil war and then -- when after 4 years that policy proves a dismal failure -- throw more MONEY on the fire!

Glad it’s not MY money.

O.K. ... There must be a rational explanation. (Or at least something that could be explained by the "common sense" reaction of a brain-dead silver-spoon loser alcoholic elitist frat boy spoiled brat in a cowboy costume smirking troglodyte ...)

Maybe the bill just took too damn long. ... No, I seem to remember Bush saying -- even BEFORE the bill was passed: "Pass this bill, send it to my desk, I'll veto it, and then you clowns can start all over again..."

Plus, the Democratic majority actually got their bill written and passed in far less time than the Republican-led Congress before…

If I didn’t know better [in my gut] what a Good God-Fearing man George was, I’d think this was all some sorta goddam manipulative political machinations and whatnot…

Hmmm...

Ah! I forgot! It must be because the bill is so filled with PORK! THAT’S it! You know: all that pork-barrel nonsense like funding the VA and Walter Reid Hospital and the victims of Hurricane Katrina, etc. etc. blah blah blah. Fuckin lazy con artists tryin ta blame their lack of housing and food on a “hurricane.” Sheesh. And even if it WAS a hurricane: SO WHAT?! Is that MY fault?

These Democrats in their goddamn Blue States are always trying to rip off the Federal government – to steal YOUR HARD-EARNED TAX DOLLARS! Those overpopulated Blue States are so over-represented, they make a mockery of the term “democracy”! One Man One Vote, I say! I mean, you don’t see those Red States feeding at the Federal Trough, now DO you. Hell no! Let’s get rid of this winner-take-all Electoral College system, and THEN we’ll see how Red this country is!!

Oh, wait…

What was I talking about?...

Oh, yeah: that war thing.

So just what’s in this so called “funding” bill, anyway? I mean, sure, there’s “funding” – IF you can even CALL it that. Again, it’s barely 120% of what was demanded.

But what’s the catch? …

Ah HA! THIS bill has the audacity to suggest that perpetual war might be undesirable! It even goes so far as to request that we try to SUCEED and END this war as soon as possible! Are you kidding me?

A vote for this bill sends Mixed Signals ™ -- signals such as, “We’re not sure if we have any power anymore, since we already voted to give it all away – and the guy we gave it all away to says that because we did that then now he can just do whatever he wants! And he’s the decider and we’re just ‘politicians’! WAAA!!” This bill even implies that one man – even if he is a prophet and knows and loves Jesus deeply -- does not have Sole Autonomy Over the World!

What, you think I’m making it up? No, seriously: get this: the bill calls for troops to be WITHDRAWN (if possible) by JULY! Or else, if that’s not feasible, then OCTOBER!!!

O.K., I’m exaggerating a little bit. It just says that, if possible, we should MAYBE THINK ABOUT TRYING TO BEGIN TO bring the troops home, provided that’s a viable option at that time. But, you know: I’m trying to make a point here. Cut me some slack.

And just what is that point?

Well, all you really need to know is this:

The Democrats want America to lose the war. They want the Terrorists to win. They support Al Qaeda, who supports Hezbollah. They want everybody to speak Arabic, just like those Saddam-supporting Al Qaeda-affiliated Iranians – who (incidentally) the Democrats would love to see destroy America with their stockpiles of nukes (made in Caracas, no doubt – and polished by North Korean satanists). They want babies to be killed and thrown in a garbage sack – NO, they want to place the babies in the sack while still alive and then smother them, and stomp on their heads! They hate God – no, they don’t even BELIEVE in God, so they don’t even HATE him! They do, however, hate Jesus, with a passion.

Most important of all, though (and I really CANNOT emphasize this enough): they want to RAISE YOUR TAXES.

I mean, JUST WHO DO THEY THINK THEY ARE??!!

Fortunately, you’re wise to these scoundrels. You just wait til ’08! Their slim majority is certain to be short-lived. We’re never goin back to the bad old days of “checks and balances,” “transparency,” “representation for the working class,” “oversight,” “progressive populist reforms,” OR “intelligent rational decision making”! Over my dead body. Hell, if I had MY way, we’d just suspend the stupid elections, declare Martial Law until the War On Terror ™ is over, and annoint Bush “Leader of The Realm.” … No, that doesn’t sound… “The Decider”! THAT’S what we’ll call ‘im.

I like that. “The Decider”……..

if you've not had a chance to watch...

Planet Earth, you really must find the time. i've never even imagined the stuff i'm seeing right now. Learn about snotties!

what was i doing a year ago today?

i think i was busy experiencing disbelief over a positive pregnancy test. which, as many of you know, i announced a couple days later and then lost a couple weeks later. but those things happen and it just made me realize that, yeah, maybe i would like to have another child. (but if i don't, i'm still the luckiest person EVER because of my kiddo.)

happy friday, y'all.

(wha...?)

i need to time things better...

... like exercise. took the kiddo to the library tonight to find some books on the platypus. when we got home i was going to exercise, but then dude! we needed to eat dinner! so i made pasta and we had corn on the cob (frozen, not fresh, b/c i'm lazy) and then we ate a bunch and yes, i'm happily fed but i have yet to exercise. and i'm really interested in just sitting here and enjoying thursday night television.

so i will let the food sit and digest and THEN i'll exercise. but back to the topic of thursday night tv.

growing up, we had certain tv nights. i think monday nights were "kate & allie," "cagney & lacey," and "newhart."

thursday nights had (in no particular order b/c my memory isn't that good) "family ties" and "the cosby show." oh, and "cheers" i think was a thursday night show, too.

what night was "moonlighting" on? i know that "miami vice" was friday. (at least i think it was a friday night show.)

what else... oh yeah, the show "double trouble," about identical twins. that was a favorite of mine, even though it was pretty short-lived.

"misfits of science" was another! it's all coming back to me now, the shows of my youth. i feel as though i can smell the strawberry shortcake doll and feel the fur of the monchichi against my skin.

another cameron crowe movie? what?

"lloyd, lloyd, all null and void..."

the disgust on dustin's face...

..when he sees that i'm watching a movie like "you've got mail" just cannot be described in mere words. and i think if i were to say "make that face again so i can take a picture of your disgust" would be weird, so you'll just have to trust me on it.

allergies plague me today. as does blue hair dye.

to explain: my hair is dark in color, and i thought i'd add some blue manic panic to sort of give the blue veronica lodge highlights. i managed to evade the blue hands whilst applying and washing out the dye, however after i thought it'd be nifty to put my hair in curlers. then i took out the curlers b/c i'm impatient. and now my hands are blue.



it's tough to be a girl. (well, only b/c right now i'm making it tough.)

and it's 11:30 at night and i really, REALLY need to get sleepy and soon. mmm....might be time to take a nap with Prince Benadryl.

i forgot how much i like this movie.

"i live my life like a french movie, steve."

my lungs or, how i stopped worrying and learned to love big tobacco

i hate not smoking. HATE IT.

and in that same short, damaged-lung breath, i hate big tobacco. i hate those fucking bastards. NOT because i didn't know what smoking does, what it causes, but because one would think that if you created a product that was close to impossible to quit, and you WANTED to keep these consumers, these money-spenders buying for as long as possible (read: keep them alive and spending money), you'd create a HEALTHY CIGARETTE. (an oxymoron, to be sure.)

i hate being in a bad mood. i hate being perpetually cranky and irritable and overly-sensitive.

i want to crusade against big tobacco. i want to air films of people in the last throes of emphysema. i want everyone to see what i saw in the eyes of my grandfather when he, even with an oxygen mask on his face, was not able to breathe in any of the air that was directly given to him.

but that still wouldn't work. why? because i was there, and i saw it. and even after his funeral eight months later, i stepped out to have a cigarette. which makes me a bastard.

so i try to think of quitting smoking this way: in my very small way, i'm sticking it to the man everyday that i don't buy a pack of cigarettes. and even though i'm gaining weight and that is SERIOUSLY fucking with my head, i'm still sticking it to the man.

so man, if you are reading this, screw you. you're not getting my money anymore.

i love henry rollins.

READ IT. LOVE HIM AS I LOVE HIM.

smoking update

SERIOUSLY?

no, really, SERIOUSLY? is this where we're at???

(props to d. for the link)

ouch.

woke up very early. it's currently half-past four. my throat really really hurts and my nose is stuffy. REALLY don't want to work today. will have to stop by clinic en route to my cubicell (we have a minute-clinic type thing in our building) and have a cotton swab jammed down my throat to ensure that i'm not going to pass along my sick to others.

WOW this is the suck.

back to the mundane

my big fancy headphones only work through one earpiece, therefore i am reduced to using these earbuds:



now, they are an improvement over the apple earbuds because they don't cause pain after thirty-seven seconds of use. HOWEVER they are huge. and apparently the opening of my ear cannot facilitate such girth, so they fall out.

they do come with a little foam cover, such as this:



HOWEVER because the earbuds fall out, the foam cover slips off and remains in my ear. which freaks me out because i'm horrified of gettting things stuck in my ear. i blame it on the Wrath of Khan.

the new NIN cd...

IS QUALITY. for real. get it. immediately.

my new look, and dustin's response

(if these don't show up immediately, give it time, they are still processing on youtube.)

we're watching the US vs. John Lennon...

... and i'd love, LOVE to see people stage MASSIVE PROTESTS. seriously. now and when the RNC is in minneapolis in the fall of '08.

time for the black hair again.

before:



voila!

mmm...spam!

i realized it's been quite some time since i opened up the old spam box. here's a few of the more notable ones out of the 8600 message i have in there.

Bettie Cleveland told me I can add up to three inches of my length.

However, Lorenzo Mitchell told me to avoid enhancement pills.

Newton Case told me I can find a f**kfriend tonight.

Sofia Brooks said I could find sexaholics.

Pam Stoner said "size a muscle on fold the destruction may copy some example not idea it's hate" (she's ALWAYS saying that) AND she said that some Veronica referred me to her. come on, spam-masters, i don't even KNOW any veronica's.

some random admissions office asked me if i wanted to be a crime scene investigator.

both Louisa Elliott AND Alton Tolbert told me i can increase my girth by 20%.

there are some FANTASTIC offers to consider. but for now, i sleep.

yeah, because i needed a quiz to tell me this.

Your Movie Buff Quotient: 96%

You are a movie buff of the most obsessive variety. If a movie exists, chances are that you've seen it. You're an expert on movie facts and trivia. It's hard to stump you with a question about film.

Are You a Movie Buff?

Lee Iacocca: Revolutionary!

read this. hell, i'll post my favorite highlights of it for you! this comes courtesy of Information Clearinghouse:

Iacocca: Where Have All the Leaders Gone?

American Empire | Books

Excerpt: Where Have All the Leaders Gone?

By Lee Iacocca with Catherine Whitney

Had Enough? Am I the only guy in this country who's fed up with what's happening? Where the hell is our outrage? We should be screaming bloody murder. We've got a gang of clueless bozos steering our ship of state right over a cliff, we've got corporate gangsters stealing us blind, and we can't even clean up after a hurricane much less build a hybrid car. But instead of getting mad, everyone sits around and nods their heads when the politicians say, "Stay the course." Stay the course? You've got to be kidding. This is America, not the damned Titanic.

The President of the United States is given a free pass to ignore the Constitution, tap our phones, and lead us to war on a pack of lies.

While we're fiddling in Iraq, the Middle East is burning and nobody seems to know what to do. And the press is waving pom-poms instead of asking hard questions.

I've had enough. How about you? I'll go a step further. You can't call yourself a patriot if you're not outraged. This is a fight I'm ready and willing to have.

Hey, America, wake up. These guys work for us. Who Are These Guys, Anyway? Why are we in this mess? How did we end up with this crowd in Washington? Well, we voted for them, or at least some of us did. But I'll tell you what we didn't do. We didn't agree to suspend the Constitution. We didn't agree to stop asking questions or demanding answers. Some of us are sick and tired of people who call free speech treason. Where I come from that's a dictatorship, not a democracy.

The Test of a Leader
I've never been Commander in Chief, but I've been a CEO. I understand a few things about leadership at the top. I've figured out nine points, not ten (I don't want people accusing me of thinking I'm Moses). I call them the "Nine Cs of Leadership." They're not fancy or complicated. Just clear, obvious qualities that every true leader should have. We should look at how the current administration stacks up. Like it or not, this crew is going to be around until January 2009. Maybe we can learn something before we go to the polls in 2008. Then let's be sure we use the leadership test to screen the candidates who say they want to run the country. It's up to us to choose wisely.

A leader has to show CURIOSITY. He has to listen to people outside of the "Yes, sir" crowd in his inner circle. He has to read voraciously, because the world is a big, complicated place. George W. Bush brags about never reading a newspaper. "I just scan the headlines," he says. Am I hearing this right? He's the President of the United States and he never reads a newspaper?

Before the 2006 election, George Bush made a big point of saying he didn't listen to the polls. Yeah, that's what they all say when the polls stink. But maybe he should have listened, because 70 percent of the people were saying he was on the wrong track.

George Bush prides himself on never changing, even as the world around him is spinning out of control. God forbid someone should accuse him of flip-flopping.

Senator Joe Biden recalled a conversation he had with Bush a few months after our troops marched into Baghdad. Joe was in the Oval Office outlining his concerns to the President, the explosive mix of Shiite and Sunni, the disbanded Iraqi army, the problems securing the oil fields. "The President was serene," Joe recalled. "He told me he was sure that we were on the right course and that all would be well. 'Mr. President,' I finally said, 'how can you be so sure when you don't yet know all the facts?'" Bush then reached over and put a steadying hand on Joe's shoulder. "My instincts," he said. "My instincts." Joe was flabbergasted. He told Bush,"Mr. President, your instincts aren't good enough."

George Bush has a lot of power. What does it say about his character? Bush has shown a willingness to take bold action on the world stage because he has the power, but he shows little regard for the grievous consequences. He has sent our troops (not to mention hundreds of thousands of innocent Iraqi citizens) to their deaths. For what? To build our oil reserves? To avenge his daddy because Saddam Hussein once tried to have him killed? To show his daddy he's tougher? The motivations behind the war in Iraq are questionable, and the execution of the war has been a disaster. A man of character does not ask a single soldier to die for a failed policy.

Swagger isn't courage. Tough talk isn't courage. George Bush comes from a blue-blooded Connecticut family, but he likes to talk like a cowboy. You know, My gun is bigger than your gun. Courage in the twenty-first century doesn't mean posturing and bravado. Courage is a commitment to sit down at the negotiating table and talk.

Bush can't even make a public appearance unless the audience has been handpicked and sanitized. He did a series of so-called town hall meetings last year, in auditoriums packed with his most devoted fans.

To be a leader you've got to have CONVICTION, a fire in your belly. You've got to have passion. You've got to really want to get something done. How do you measure fire in the belly? Bush has set the all-time record for number of vacation days taken by a U.S. President, four hundred and counting. He'd rather clear brush on his ranch than immerse himself in the business of governing. He even told an interviewer that the high point of his presidency so far was catching a seven-and-a-half-pound perch in his hand-stocked lake.

Maybe George Bush is a great guy to hang out with at a barbecue or a ball game. But put him at a global summit where the future of our planet is at stake, and he doesn't look very presidential. Those frat-boy pranks and the kidding around he enjoys so much don't go over that well with world leaders. Just ask German Chancellor Angela Merkel, who received an unwelcome shoulder massage from our President at a G-8 Summit.

Bush brags about being our first MBA President. Does that make him competent? Well, let's see. Thanks to our first MBA President, we've got the largest deficit in history, Social Security is on life support, and we've run up a half-a-trillion-dollar price tag (so far) in Iraq. And that's just for starters.

George Bush doesn't have common sense. He just has a lot of sound bites. You know, Mr.they'll-welcome-us-as-liberators-no-child- left-behind-heck-of-a-job-Brownie-mission- accomplished Bush.

So here's where we stand. We're immersed in a bloody war with no plan for winning and no plan for leaving. We're running the biggest deficit in the history of the country. We're losing the manufacturing edge to Asia, while our once-great companies are getting slaughtered by health care costs. Gas prices are skyrocketing, and nobody in power has a coherent energy policy. Our schools are in trouble. Our borders are like sieves. The middle class is being squeezed every which way. These are times that cry out for leadership.

I have news for the gang in Congress. We didn't elect you to sit on your asses and do nothing and remain silent while our democracy is being hijacked and our greatness is being replaced with mediocrity. What is everybody so afraid of? That some bobblehead on Fox News will call them a name? Give me a break. Why don't you guys show some spine for a change?

So let's shake off the horseshit and go to work. Let's tell 'em all we've had enough.

listen to the cat

a nifty site

so in my quest to not smoke, i've become interested in watching the videos that this group does. their site has links to all of the goods.

nifty site. they have all those commercials on TV that i think ROCK.

the story of easter

what a great freaking movie line.

"the russians shot his sleigh down. santa claus is dead."

some days are easier than others...

it says "smooth & mellow" at the bottom. SMOOTH AND MELLOW!

i want to be both smooth and mellow once again! i am rough, rocky, and whatever the hell the opposite of mellow is! what is the damn opposite of mellow????????

TENSE! IT'S TENSE. I AM TENSE.

crap.......

file under: people who should be badly maimed

"You want to twist his head off. There's a whole flock of folks who probably have the same attitude about it."

i feel the same way.

ohmigod! ohmigod! ohmigod!

HEAR THE NEW NIN ALBUM HERE!!!! yay for trent! i'm listening and i CANNOT WAIT TO BUY IT!!! AHHH!!!!!!

karaoke night!

sadly i have no footage of dustin's rendition of "war pigs." it was AWESOME, furious D!

stupid RIAA...

"These f***ing idiots are going after a campaign that the label signed off on."

(props to d. for a heads up on this.)

my personal mission for the day

when someone's cell phone goes off nearby and continues to ring and ring and ring and they CLEARLY forgot to turn it to silent because ALL I HEAR IN MY HEAD IS EFFING GWEN STEFANI, i will seek out this cell phone and do one of two things:
1. turn off ringer
2. toss into toilet; flush.

for the record, this makes TWO CELL PHONES within ten feet of me that BOTH have GWEN STEFANI ringtones. TWO.

gwen stefani:2
me:0

you may win the battle, gwen, but i'll win the war.

i'm exercising. for real.

the night of 1,000 posts

i'm all out of ..... stuff to watch on tv.

i can't even.....yeah. horrible.